AIBU to feel put off by my partner's dancing at parties

[YourChicCat]

AIBU for thinking this.
Im dating somebody who is everything I want and need. But I can’t help but get the ick about his dancing. I Noticed at a party he just seemed so… stiff. Uncoordinated and stiff.
I love a dance at a party and I don’t mean I want him to move like a dancer. But at least have some slight rhythm or fluidity. I felt a bit embarrassed and I’m ashamed to say that out loud 😔 I’m kind of over thinking it a bit and thinking about future events. I do not want to feel embarrassed. I don’t even know if anyone else would notice or care.. but it’s just how it made me feel

honest opinions welcome

Grow up, I'm sure you're not perfect yourself.

You can be put off him for any reason and you can break up with him for any reason too. It’s not shallow to find something unattractive, you like who you like.

Do you spend a lot of time dancing at parties? If not then I would put it out of your mind, focus on the important stuff, and dance with your friends on the odd occasion you're at a party.

As the first poster flags: no-one is perfect, none of us. No-one ticks every box. So the question is: does he tick enough other boxes for you that you can live with the crap dancing? Only you know the answer to that.

Does he like dancing or did you make him. Mine never dances.

My honest opinion is you probably shouldn’t be dating anyone if you get the ‘ick’ so easily.

Oh god. That’s me with dancing. I have no rhythm and I am mortified when I go anywhere that involves this. If I knew my partner thought this I’d be extremely upset.

If you're more bothered by what people think about his dancing than thinking about what he gives you, throw him back into the sea as I'm sure many others would appreciate him.

Dancing is nothing! 😊

I’ve danced as a hobby for nearly 20 years, can pick up rhythm no problem and am usually the first on the dance floor. My husband on the other hand can’t clap in time with the music and reversing the bus is the only dance move he has in his repertoire. Would I love a man who can dance with me, yes. Would I let that stand in the way of what has been an amazing 11 year relationship? Absolutely not! The opportunities to get up and dance in public are so few and far between that I couldn’t let it bother me. I appreciate that if you have the ick you have the ick but I really wouldn’t let something this inconsequential stand in the way.

I thought you were going to say he goes for it too hard. Every now and then I see women fawning over that video of Tom Hiddleston on Graham Norton and I always think it is just soo cringe and try-hard. Not sexy at all! We all love a man with a bit of natural rhythm but I think what you describe sounds more normal and “blokey” (to me!). He probably only gets up because he thinks it’s expected. I prefer to dance with the girls anyway and would just encourage him to sit it out (unless he WANTS to dance with you, if so I don’t know what the answer is!).

Thanks for the replies already- appreciate them all even the one telling me to grow up, maybe that’s what I need to do haha.

To give some context, I love dancing. I feel like I connect through a little dance- like I said doesn’t have to be anything major but just some slight rhythm or a little knee bend to the beat.

he gets drunk and does some ‘funny’ moves but I just wanted to die inside and instantly thought omg please don’t do that.

Im the type of person who gets second hand embarrassment which is definitely one of my faults. I feel like because I’ve come out of a 14 year relationship I kind of feel like all eyes are on us anyway as it’s kind of new. But I didn’t realise until a recent party that we definitely do not click like that. Everything else is great though

DH has no sense of rhythm and objectivity is embarrassing on the dance floor however he’s an amazing provider and father and also carved my dogs head to scale in wood as a surprise present so y’know there’s stuff I can overlook.

Either you are unsuited or shallow.

See that wouldn’t bother me I would find that fun! At least he isn’t wooden 🥲

This

I’d rather a bad dancer who dances, than a bad dancer who doesn’t and is too self-concious to bother.

Tbf you seem to be owning it so how about dance lessons for him?

Take him to aerobics. Or, if you're worried about being shown up on your first dance, should you marry, you can go for classes. I wouldn't break up over something like this. Obviously if you're a star dancer, want to do this regularly and it's a big deal for you, fair enough.
Still remember years ago, a woman making nasty comments about a friend's dancing (a woman friend of mine)-this Karen (her name, not a stereotype) was putting her down and I remember after all this time, because surely dancing is just supposed to be fun, for most of us?

Yes it’s things like this I wonder about.
Horrible about your friend. I never notice anyone els and definitely wouldn’t judge so I don’t know why I’m judging him?
like I said I think I feel like all eyes on us and because I felt embarrassed that time now I’ve got into a bit of a spiral.

sounds pathetic really but can’t help how it’s made me feel. Can’t shake that feeling of embarrassment

I don't really like dancing with my DH because he often wants to twirl me around and stuff. We even took dance classes together for a while. However, after 40 years, I guess I would miss him not dancing at all and I doubt anyone has ever thought less of me because of his moves.

Oh OP but you have really reminded me of my first H. He was a very sociable guy and a heavy drinker.
Like your boyfriend when he was drunk he danced in a really really strange jerky way, throwing his arms about.
One night we ended up at a party in a flat after the pubs shut - we didn't even know whose party it was. We were dancing and the woman in the couple next to us took great exception to my H's dancing She apparently was the hostess of the party. She was totally convinced my H was mimicking the way she danced in a very exaggerated way. All hell broke loose with her accusing my H of taking the piss put of her and him trying to convince her it was just his normal dancing. Everybody got involved.
I'm afraid I just sneaked out and got a taxi home! This was many years ago but I still remember it!

So I have every sympathy with you at your embarrassment at your boyfriends dancing!

Really ?

You can’t help how you feel but this is a you problem, if you can’t live with it don’t but please don’t make someone feel embarrassed or self conscious for enjoying themselves it’s a YOU problem!!

I have...known... a large number of men. I do not think that one single one of them could dance. Most of them stayed off the dance floor, a few would get up and try the occasional dance and one would throw himself with gay abandon into wooden, 'knees bend' dancing.

I've only ever known of two men who could properly dance, so if you're holding out for a dance partner you might have quite a wait. If you've got the ick you've got the ick, but you could just not watch him dance you know...

I don't think you like him enough if this is an issue.

He danced / that’s good enough for me