Are these comments about his stepdaughter and young women red flags?

[NanaNanu]

Been with him for 8 months now. It's such early days I know, we haven't slept together yet although that's not for want of me trying. He seems very shy somehow in that department, even though we are both middle aged. He's been married before and has children, now divorced of course. I initially thought he was being very respectful and taking it slow, but now I'm not so sure.

He talks about his children a lot, they are all in their twenties and for the most part, they have all done well for themselves and he is very proud of them. I have met them all and get on with them, they all seem very well rounded, happy people with good jobs and lives. On quite a few occasions, he has mentioned his stepdaughter, how stunning she was before she got married and had a family, how she was so curvy etc. etc. I thought it a bit over the top but let it go. Then a few days ago we had a few drinks together and we were discussing careers and the struggle young people have nowadays getting on the property ladder etc. He said: "Stepdaughter is so sexy..... oops I can't get the words right... I mean stepdaughter is so SUCCESSFUL". Having had a bit to drink I laughed it off, but the next day thought it was really out of order. Like in vino veritas?

I had a horse when I was a teenager through to my twenties and we walked past the local riding stables. Another odd comment: "Ah imagine that's where all the lovely long-haired..... oops I mean all the young girls that love horses just like you did go".

Red flags or not? There are other odd things that he's said. But I think those two are bad enough...?

I think he wanted me as some kind of cover to make people think he was "normal".

yeah i’ve been used in that way too it’s horrid. you’ve been so careful you can feel proud about that. when i was 30 my dad told me that he found it impossible to find women his age or older attractive and that most men are the same. he was 55. thanks dad. thing is i realise now he was screwed up and didn’t see a woman beyond the patch of skin stretched across the front of her skull. he only dated a few times after my mum left. most ended badly. i see now they soon clocked on to the howling void where you expect there to be something deep and satisfying after a life lived. not so with some.

onwards op. there IS gold out there somewhere.

Thank you for your reply. I'm sorry that happened to you, your Dad should not have shared something like that with you.

Yes, the howling void. Felt like that with him. No real hobbies or interests other than himself and his online world. I could send him a million and one interesting clips and book references and not a single one would be remembered or trigger his interest.

I will find my gold. And I won't settle for anything less.