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Are these comments about his stepdaughter and young women red flags?

119 replies

NanaNanu · 18/06/2026 01:43

Been with him for 8 months now. It's such early days I know, we haven't slept together yet although that's not for want of me trying. He seems very shy somehow in that department, even though we are both middle aged. He's been married before and has children, now divorced of course. I initially thought he was being very respectful and taking it slow, but now I'm not so sure.

He talks about his children a lot, they are all in their twenties and for the most part, they have all done well for themselves and he is very proud of them. I have met them all and get on with them, they all seem very well rounded, happy people with good jobs and lives. On quite a few occasions, he has mentioned his stepdaughter, how stunning she was before she got married and had a family, how she was so curvy etc. etc. I thought it a bit over the top but let it go. Then a few days ago we had a few drinks together and we were discussing careers and the struggle young people have nowadays getting on the property ladder etc. He said: "Stepdaughter is so sexy..... oops I can't get the words right... I mean stepdaughter is so SUCCESSFUL". Having had a bit to drink I laughed it off, but the next day thought it was really out of order. Like in vino veritas?

I had a horse when I was a teenager through to my twenties and we walked past the local riding stables. Another odd comment: "Ah imagine that's where all the lovely long-haired..... oops I mean all the young girls that love horses just like you did go".

Red flags or not? There are other odd things that he's said. But I think those two are bad enough...?

OP posts:
Feralbookworm · 18/06/2026 01:56

Oh no that’s really very strange!! I think that would make me run for the hills to be honest.
also the 8 months and not sleeping together, that itself is a bit off. Has he mentioned it? Are you intimate in other ways? Sleep over together etc?

canuckup · 18/06/2026 02:34

Er, yeah???

user1492757084 · 18/06/2026 02:49

So he had been drinking.

The red flag is the intimacy issue.
Does he believe in a formal commitment?
Does he have medical problems?
Is he physically affectionate?

Keep being observant for a little while.

DoAWheelie · 18/06/2026 02:49

Massive red flag. He's only into people much younger which is why he's not sleeping with you. He is a disgusting pervert, get rid.

Namechangedforthis60 · 18/06/2026 02:51

DoAWheelie · 18/06/2026 02:49

Massive red flag. He's only into people much younger which is why he's not sleeping with you. He is a disgusting pervert, get rid.

I agree with this. Sadly @NanaNanu i think you’ll have to throw this one back.

NearlyNewNonny · 18/06/2026 02:57

Grim, get rid.

TheSandgroper · 18/06/2026 03:52

One hesitates to think how much wanking he’s doing but not thinking of you while he’s doing it.

millerpie · 18/06/2026 04:39

Run.

OvernightBloats · 18/06/2026 04:43

Creepy, disgusting, dirty old man.

No intimacy in 8 months? Something is not quite right there as well.

Wauwinet · 18/06/2026 04:47

Between the zero sex in 8 months and the fact that he clearly is creepy towards much younger women I’d say that’s more than enough to chuck him in the bin.

NorthernJim · 18/06/2026 04:48

He's got ed. Don't know about all that other stuff.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 18/06/2026 04:49

Very strange comment, and 8 months is definitely not taking it slow, it's not launching at all. I would run if I were you.

I don't know if it's an infatuation with his stepdaughter or what but it gives me the creeps.

tsmainsqueeze · 18/06/2026 06:13

My skin crawled reading what you said.

Walkerzoo · 18/06/2026 06:17

Eek. He is testing you to see what your limits are. Dint waste more time on him

ThatAquaRobin · 18/06/2026 06:25

Ewwww

LightningTree · 18/06/2026 06:33

I feel sorry for his SD if she has to deal with this creep. Other men are available.

category12 · 18/06/2026 06:36

Eww

Dump.

For 2 reasons:

  1. He's testing out what you'll put up with.
  2. Eww
Sunshinemoonlightboogie · 18/06/2026 06:36

I have the ick and I’m not dating him. Throw this dirty man back in the sea where he belongs!

foxinasnowstorm · 18/06/2026 06:38

Erm 🫤 he’s a bit grim tbh and seems to have an unhealthy view of his stepdaughter. I wouldn’t be able to get past that tbh. I’m sorry.

PineConeOrDogPoo · 18/06/2026 06:38

tsmainsqueeze · 18/06/2026 06:13

My skin crawled reading what you said.

This

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 18/06/2026 06:38

Who the fuck dates someone for 8 months, meets their family etc without having sex or even a proper discussion about why they're not having sex?

And why didn't you call him out and ask him to explain his weird comments at the time instead of stewing on them?

Honestly OP, if this is real you need to do some work on yourself before embarking on a relationship, you don't seem to have any standards and boundaries or any ability to communicate your needs and feelings.

atamlin · 18/06/2026 06:42

Susan Powell comes to mind…

PineConeOrDogPoo · 18/06/2026 06:42

Made me think a bit about this post by a 55 year old divorced man not attracted to his wife for the last 28 years

PineConeOrDogPoo · 18/06/2026 06:42

https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/s/iftZdhL4OQ

GimmieABreakOr3 · 18/06/2026 06:45

Why is the bar so low for men?

of course get rid, why do you even need to make a post about this