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Relationships

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Partner slept with sex worker

101 replies

Misssillyfool · 17/06/2026 22:43

Grateful for some advice… my partner of 21 years not married that’s another story! We both have ADHD in different ways, at times it has been an emotional rollercoaster! I will do my best to explain this.. few months ago my partner came to me and said that he was struggling with the feeling that I didn’t trust him (I have trust issues past relationships that were toxic) have both been loyal the last 21 years he went on to telling me he read about non monogamous relationships and how he thought would help with our insecurities and by doing a one off (seeing a sex worker that would make but originally he said it would make him feel really trusted by me I was a bit stunned at the time and that was that until we gottogether and he showed me some sites he been looking at I’m feeling bit uncomfortable and said I was feeling uncomfortable and stopped looking.. fast forward a week on a saturday morning he said I think we should do this again stunned having all these feelings and could this help our relationship our insecurities I was feeling so overwhelmed and I consented.. I felt psychically sick to my stomach all day/ night. When he came back I felt numb but anger inside I now have huge regret the decision I made and ever since random times I cry or feel so angry and now feel like it’s broken the biggest mistake I’ve ever made i don’t know where to go with this I think it’s played a big part in my severe anxiety + D any gentle advice greatfully received

OP posts:
Misssillyfool · 18/06/2026 00:05

There have been gaslighting statements .. that didn’t happen, your imagining things in arguments talks quickly so I get confused my own reality, deflects won’t take accountability, we live Separately (another long story)

OP posts:
Morry15 · 18/06/2026 00:07

Exit stage left OP.

You'll feel alot better without this prince? in your life

JillyComeLately · 18/06/2026 00:09

'We live seperately'....now that is the best news, because it should be easier to disentangle yourself from him.
Good luck.x

TallSturdyGirls · 18/06/2026 00:12

Never have I felt more compelled to say leave the bastard.

Misssillyfool · 18/06/2026 00:31

I know I need to end the relationship it’s taken
it’s toll on me! and what happened has really affected my MH and physical health . I choose me now
thank you for all yr messages I got the clarity I needed, I didn’t want to admit to myself I WAS being manipulated, gaslight coerced into consenting something so disgusting!!

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 18/06/2026 01:00

Even if he convinced you to give your consent, you can still change your mind. You can still decide that this incident from the start of his coercion to his followup behavior is not something you want to live with. He doesn’t get to claim what he did was acceptable and you aren’t allowed to be angry. It isn’t about cheating or not cheating. It’s just deciding this relationship doesn’t make you a better, happier person than not being in this relationship. That is enough reason to leave.

JillyComeLately · 18/06/2026 01:08

Misssillyfool · 18/06/2026 00:31

I know I need to end the relationship it’s taken
it’s toll on me! and what happened has really affected my MH and physical health . I choose me now
thank you for all yr messages I got the clarity I needed, I didn’t want to admit to myself I WAS being manipulated, gaslight coerced into consenting something so disgusting!!

Don't for one second think you to blame for any of this, you were the victim.
The good news is, you are no longer a victim, as soon as you realised your partner is the problem not you, you are free.
No one thinks giving up after 21 years is easy, but sometimes it's necessary .

Beenwhereyouareagain · 18/06/2026 01:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

"just leave him to shag his disease ridden ho’s"

Really? You say something disrespectful about working women like it's fine. It's not.

They aren't the problem- he is. And your hateful misogynistic comments make you look bad. If you can't get say anything nice....

OMGDidYouSayThat · 18/06/2026 01:56

Beenwhereyouareagain · 18/06/2026 01:27

"just leave him to shag his disease ridden ho’s"

Really? You say something disrespectful about working women like it's fine. It's not.

They aren't the problem- he is. And your hateful misogynistic comments make you look bad. If you can't get say anything nice....

No, you’re right, he definitely is the problem, and i’m big enough to know when a comment i’ve used is misplaced, i apologise.

Beenwhereyouareagain · 18/06/2026 02:06

OMGDidYouSayThat · 18/06/2026 01:56

No, you’re right, he definitely is the problem, and i’m big enough to know when a comment i’ve used is misplaced, i apologise.

That's so refreshing ! We all make unkind comments sometimes, but it's rare for anyone to apologize. You've restored my faith in MN. Ty🌹

Lavenderandbrown · 18/06/2026 02:29

you live separately?????

well that’s absolutely wonderful. Much easier to move forward away from this man. It is very difficult to end a relationship of 21 yrs op. It’s heartbreaking and sad. I hope you have family or friends near who will help you.

WhatTheHellsGoingOn · 18/06/2026 03:35

How does shagging a sex worker help with his insecurities (and yours) in your relationship…..? Dare I ask what his insecurities were?

HoppityBun · 18/06/2026 03:46

he read about non monogamous relationships and how he thought would help with our insecurities and by doing a one off (seeing a sex worker that would make but originally he said it would make him feel really trusted by me

The contorted reasoning is laughable.

Bin him.

Girlking · 18/06/2026 03:47

Urgh…what a creep 😣 LTB

OvernightBloats · 18/06/2026 04:54

What a twisted way to excuse seeing a sex worker! His rationale that he wanted to regain trust by doing this is so utterly bonkers.

Don't let you manipulate you any more. I'm sure this isn't the first time he has manipulated you like this.

ItsNotMeEither · 18/06/2026 05:21

Misssillyfool · 18/06/2026 00:05

There have been gaslighting statements .. that didn’t happen, your imagining things in arguments talks quickly so I get confused my own reality, deflects won’t take accountability, we live Separately (another long story)

You live separately? That's the best thing I've read here.

Thank goodness! Dump his sleazy ass today. Get yourself a health check too.

Then, treat yourself to something nice. You deserve so much better. Spend some time learning what you want your life to look like without him.

HighHeelsRedLips · 18/06/2026 05:26

OMGDidYouSayThat · 18/06/2026 01:56

No, you’re right, he definitely is the problem, and i’m big enough to know when a comment i’ve used is misplaced, i apologise.

Good, you should apologise. What a disgusting thing to say!

HighHeelsRedLips · 18/06/2026 05:30

He does this to you after 21 years OP? Be thankful that you’re not married to him and didn’t have kids either him, Get rid and start living your best life without him!

CamillaMcCauley · 18/06/2026 05:36

Sounds like your trust issues were well founded. Glad you are getting rid of this head-fucker.

Darlingx · 18/06/2026 05:44

You may have 21 years but a more important longer relationship is with yourself. Company is not at this price because within you is the value you place on yourself inner peace and sanity.

Sweetstreams · 18/06/2026 05:46

Op my guess is he was probably already sleeping with the sex worker. It sounds like he bullied you into this. How does having trust issues help by sleeping with someone else. The idea of a sex worker is grim in my opinion he wouldnt be my partner if he wanted to behave that way.

Coatsoff42 · 18/06/2026 06:11

I don’t know how he’s manipulated you into thinking him having sex with some poor woman prostituting herself for money can prove you trust him. There is some next level manipulation and Jedi mind trickery going on here.

I would leave him and get your sanity back, this is not working for you at all. If you aren’t ready to LTB permanently, get away for a month or so and see how you feel without the coercion and emotional blackmail. There must be a better life than this for you.

ThatCyanCat · 18/06/2026 06:17

"I know you have trust issues so let me purchase a woman to prove you trust me" is a new level of fucked up.

It's never too late to cut your losses, OP. From what you say he's never been committed anyway.

Sassylovesbooks · 18/06/2026 07:12

Oh my lovely, your partner (ex now I hope) told you the biggest load of bollocks, to essentially give him a free pass to shag someone else. ADHD may involve the person making impulsive decisions, but this wasn't impulsive, it's been thought out and over a period of time. His behaviour isn't ADHD talking, but merely a twat who's an arsehole, looking to shag another woman.

You need to end your relationship with this man, he's going to destroy your self-esteem.

MrsVBS · 18/06/2026 07:26

Good grief, he sounds a delight - not! Get rid he’s taking the absolute p*ss.

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