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Relationships

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Partner slept with sex worker

101 replies

Misssillyfool · 17/06/2026 22:43

Grateful for some advice… my partner of 21 years not married that’s another story! We both have ADHD in different ways, at times it has been an emotional rollercoaster! I will do my best to explain this.. few months ago my partner came to me and said that he was struggling with the feeling that I didn’t trust him (I have trust issues past relationships that were toxic) have both been loyal the last 21 years he went on to telling me he read about non monogamous relationships and how he thought would help with our insecurities and by doing a one off (seeing a sex worker that would make but originally he said it would make him feel really trusted by me I was a bit stunned at the time and that was that until we gottogether and he showed me some sites he been looking at I’m feeling bit uncomfortable and said I was feeling uncomfortable and stopped looking.. fast forward a week on a saturday morning he said I think we should do this again stunned having all these feelings and could this help our relationship our insecurities I was feeling so overwhelmed and I consented.. I felt psychically sick to my stomach all day/ night. When he came back I felt numb but anger inside I now have huge regret the decision I made and ever since random times I cry or feel so angry and now feel like it’s broken the biggest mistake I’ve ever made i don’t know where to go with this I think it’s played a big part in my severe anxiety + D any gentle advice greatfully received

OP posts:
TheCurious0range · 17/06/2026 22:47

He's disgusting. He has sexually exploited a woman - you cannot buy consent. He has also tried to gaslight you to try and convince you him sleeping with another woman will help you!! Get tested and get rid of him

SilenceLaySteadily · 17/06/2026 22:47

What the fuck

Ginandpanic · 17/06/2026 22:53

He ambushed you into consenting because he fancied a shag. With a sex worker .
there’s no coming back from this.
he’s disgusting on so many levels, and you deserve much better.
nothing at all to do with trust, he’s gaslit you.
get rid of him.

NotDonna · 17/06/2026 23:01

This is outrageous on so many levels. It is not your fault. Are you able to leave him?

Astra53 · 17/06/2026 23:04

To summarise, your partner felt that you didn't trust him. His solution was to sleep with a sex worker as he had read that this would help you trust him more.

He is messing with you. If you have the strength, I suggest you reconsider your future with him.

ByGraptharsHammer · 17/06/2026 23:04

What a piece of work he is. Please don’t continue this relationship. It will get so much worse if you carry on. The confusion you feel now will just be your whole life if you don’t leave

MrFlintstone · 17/06/2026 23:04

Sorry but the relationship is over. One of you needs to leave, for your own peace of mind.

OMGDidYouSayThat · 17/06/2026 23:09

That is bonkers, how on earth does cheating fix trust issues, my god he’s got some strange ideas about how relationships work.

Sunandsunshine · 17/06/2026 23:10

I have never heard such a load of nonsense being meted out to a wife or partner to excuse a man having sex with a prostitute OP.

Please end this relationship. Apart from the utter disrespect he shown you men who buy women for sexual gratification are the lowest of the low.

TY78910 · 17/06/2026 23:13

So he emotionally blackmailed you so that you let him shag someone else… that’s a whole another level.

PS. Your or his ADHD has nothing to do with how he’s treated you or what’s happened here. Don’t let him gaslight you in to thinking otherwise.

Ohcrap082024 · 17/06/2026 23:13

The relationship is dead.

What he has done is despicable. You will never look at him in the same way again.

He will turn this around on you and say “But you said I could. Not fair!”

You do not need permission from anyone to leave a relationship. Do what is best for you and your mental/ physical health.

JuliettaCaeser · 17/06/2026 23:17

His rationale is properly mental. You are worried about a bad thing so I will just do the bad thing? Wtf

Misssillyfool · 17/06/2026 23:19

all your messages are just confirming everything for me thank you.. yes I can leave we have no ties.. it’s left me feeling worthless also I didn’t say in previous post I set a boundary and told him that I never wanted to talk about it details etc but few weeks after he was wanting an intimate moment (I didn’t ) he was starting to talk about but through me wanting me to fantasise being with a woman but it was talking about her ( hope that makes sense) feel so sick writing this!!! he was breaking my boundary..

OP posts:
OMGDidYouSayThat · 17/06/2026 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

JuliettaCaeser · 17/06/2026 23:23

It’s not you it’s him! What a weirdo.

PurpleSheep123 · 17/06/2026 23:31

What the actual fuck?

Francine84 · 17/06/2026 23:32

I assume he is now your ex partner, OP?? What a vile pig of a man. He felt sad you didn’t trust him, so the solution was to sleep with a sex worker? Pull the other one.

Do yourself a favour and chuck him out

aurpod1980 · 17/06/2026 23:32

Get an STI test

Andepeda · 17/06/2026 23:32

I don't know what to say about any of this, can't get my head round it.

I think this relationship is over OP. Sad

Oncemorewithsome · 17/06/2026 23:36

Astra53 · 17/06/2026 23:04

To summarise, your partner felt that you didn't trust him. His solution was to sleep with a sex worker as he had read that this would help you trust him more.

He is messing with you. If you have the strength, I suggest you reconsider your future with him.

This. This. This.
What fresh madness. Leave him immediately if you can safely.

PaperMachePanda · 17/06/2026 23:42

You deserve better.

He's a disgusting creep and you should never let any man compromise your mental or sexual health.

Get rid.

JillyComeLately · 17/06/2026 23:43

He wanted your permission to sleep with a sex worker, which he did, and now he wants to include you in his fantasies by joining him in his sleezy little world. He sounds manipulative and a bit odd tbh, most men who go to prostitutes try to hide it from their partners.

OP, You are not worthless, it's him who has problems not you.

Happyjoe · 17/06/2026 23:47

How does sleeping with a sex worker help your insecurities? It beggars belief. Am sorry OP, he's not a great man and it's not going to stop, he already wants to do it again, then it will be again etc.

Look after yourself, first and foremost and don't allow him to drag you down and make you feel bad about yourself, whatever shape that takes but I think getting away completely will be your safest option.

Callmemummynotmaaa · 17/06/2026 23:56

OP that’s not ethical non monogamy, it’s coercion and it’s horrid. Please take care of yourself. This isn’t your fault or yours to fix - and it’s very ok to say no to a partner, they should respect that! (Not further break your boundaries while pressuring sex). Can you leave safely? I’m so sorry your relationship of so long feels like this. Can see why it would feel so confusing and overwhelming. Does he often gaslight you op?

O00ps · 17/06/2026 23:59

Did he also suggest that you get yourself a male sexual partner or was the non-monogamy just for him and his weird fantasy?
He already had this fantasy, looked into it, read about how couples that agree to non-monogamy/swinging etc can sometimes end up trusting their partner more, and thought great, that's the angle I will use to bring this fantasy alive. Misssillyfool used to have trust issues, this will fix it!
I think your partner must be having a mid life crisis or some kind of crisis as this is not normal behaviour.