I've been with DP for almost a year and half now. We don't live together although there has been discussion about it, mainly prompted by him, but I think it's still too soon.
We get on incredibly well on pretty much every front except in the bedroom. I am very much attracted to him and he speaks and acts in a way that tells me he feels the same about me, the way he touches me, massages me, holds me, however, he has ED. He is 15 years older than me and I am in my early fifties, so not really unusual you are probably all thinking. Viagra hasn't worked and he is now on medication that can make ED even worse. We have never had proper penetrative sex, it almost happened twice and I've now given up on it happening, have come to terms with it, that my feelings for him are strong enough that it has stopped mattering.
Without going into too much detail, despite getting on very well, I have ended it a couple of times over the ED issue because I found out he was masturbating to Instagram and Facebook accounts and had liked a few photos, one woman in particular posing in fishnets, high heels, tight skirt, that kind of thing. I discussed it with him and it got quite heated and he made loads of excuses, but it struck me that he must have a sex drive, just not for me. Or he preferred masturbation.
I eventually let it go, he asked if we could try again.... it's been a couple of months and now it's all niggling me again...... yesterday we were talking about sleep routines, sleep hygiene, REM sleep, dreaming.... and he commented that "dreaming is such a strange thing, he never knows what he'll be dreaming about tonight, last night was some woman, tonight who knows..."
It's got my heckles up again ... I realise the masturbation and no sex is actually still a huge issue for me,,,, and will never go away. I've just spent the evening with a very good female friend who advised me on how to approach it... or that I should possibly even let it go...
On the one hand I feel I'm overreacting, on the other I think why on earth say that to me? I wouldn't say "oh I was dreaming about some random bloke last night, wonder what it will be tonight"....
I must add that my previous relationship was quite abusive and manipulative and he did and said many things to harm my self-esteem, and my friend also pointed out that this could be baggage getting triggered. Is he just being a typical male klutz with foot in mouth? Is he trying to make me feel bad about myself by making sure I know he dreams of other woman whilst failing to please me sexually? Does he want me to feel insecure because he's much older...... does he want to hurt me?
I didn't respond immediately when he said it as he had to leave for work and have not seen him since. But I know I have to bring it up otherwise it's going to fester and that's not a good place to be.... Help..