Has anyone found ChatGPT too sympathetic towards an ex?

[Asq]

I have started using chat GPT to go over my relationship with my ex as certain things still bother me a lot and I never had anyone to talk to about it at the time. I have started using chat GPT to write down how I felt and go over situations I felt were wrong, but it often seems to “side” with him, I don’t know if that’s the correct term but it often seems to sympathise a lot with him. Is this normal? I have even said to it a few times that I felt like it was siding with him. I don’t want to say what the things are as the great reason for chat GPT is it doesn’t judge me for things, but is this anyone else’s experience?

Please, try to reflect on what you are hoping to get out of this use of AI.

You want to tell a machine to reply to you in a specific way - what for?

It would be healthier to care for your underlying feelings. Preferably with a trained therapist, but if not a real live human you trust.

everyone irl I’ve told about him told me he has been awful, don’t want to go into detail but things like cheating etc, so I’m not worried about thinking it’s a me issue I know it isn’t even strangers have said it was awful but I still need to talk about it and get it out and I don’t want to be judged for it at least chat GPT doesn’t judge me it’s just a bit too sympathetic towards him which I find strange so I will ask it to be less and see how it goes

If you just need to get it out, you could write it in a book.

It might be a good idea for you to research the negative impacts of using generative AI for this type of 'therapy'.

I'd go further than that.

The first prompt should explain what you want to get from the AI and how you want it to get there. One framework is MAPS:

Mission: What's the goal ... You want to process a previous relationship that has now ended.

Ask: What do you want the AI to do ... You would like ChatGPT to guide you through processing those events so that you can move on.

Parameters: What's the context ... You want ChatGPT to act as an unbiased therapist in the conversation. Although you want it to be unbiased, you find it unhelpful if it uses language that indicates it doesn't believe you, or is too sympathetic to your ex.

Shape: What's the output ... You would like it to be a back and forth conversation.

You can frame all that into your initial prompt before you start the conversation and then it knows what you're wanting to get out of the conversation and how you want it to respond.

But this is the echo chamber part of it - it only follows instructions you've given it (and some broad background algorithms). As others have said, do you just want someone to tell you you've had a terrible time, and if so, why do you want AI to say that because you've asked it to.

Agree with all of that. Sorry but it's a terrible way to process your thoughts. Anyway he's an ex, just stop thinking about him. And be really careful (i.e. please stop) putting highly personal sensitive information into a huge, largely unregulated database like that.

This means that ChatGPT is doing precisely what you wanted from it in the sense it is helping you process this. The fact that it’s not telling you what you want to hear is because it’s objective.

Get a diary if you just want to "let it out"

Sounds like you've spoken to people in real life which is good. If you must continue to go over and "get out" your thoughts just write them down. No need to spill your secrets to robots.

Yes, going by the things I've asked it, I'd agree it's over 100% supportive of whoever is asking .

I will try telling it to be less sympathetic towards him

what do you want ChatGPT for? To provide sympathy to you? In which case speak to a friend.

But if you want an objective view on what you feed it - then it might involve you not being entirely happy with the output.

ChatGPT is not objective.

It selects the next most likely word.

AI is trained on human source material, so it's well-known that it replicates human bias. That said, like others, I've always found it overly endorsing of the user. You say that everyone in real life is on your side - can't you speak to them, then? I'm sorry because I know this isn't a nice thing to say but it is possible they say you're right when talking to you because it's too difficult not to? Especially strangers - I find it hard to imagine a situation where a stranger is telling me about how awful their ex was, but even harder to imagine that I'd ever respond to that by saying 'actually, sounds like the blame was on both sides' - I'd be quite wary of the stranger.

Stop talking to computers. It doesn't know anything about anyone.

You're better off on a park bench chatting to an old bloke for company.

I’d guess they also could be programming diplomacy in, because in real life nobody can comment on most conversations between two people as people read things into what people say, or tone is important. I get killed on here for saying maybe he meant x after ten people have said ‘what a bastard’, but that’s because a phrase may have meant it a different way. I’d agree with writing it down though, op

Yes I will just press the button that stops me thinking about him 🙄

Just to write it down but I also want feedback so writing a diary won’t help, it has actually been very helpful I just want it to be not as sympathetic as it is towards him, I find it odd.

They don’t want to listen anymore? They are like the people on here, it’s an ex so get over it and stop speaking about him.

It has helped so I won’t stop using it it’s just weirdly sympathetic towards him it even made up a little nick name for him (it made it itself I didn’t)

It's not "feedback" though it's just a computer programme which guesses the most likely next word to write based on what others paragraphs it has "read" online say. Maybe a self help book would be better at least that would be written by a person.

BTW you don't actually want "feedback" anyway, you want it to tell you exactly what you want to hear, given that you don't like its answers so want to tweak it so it says different things.

The only way to stop thinking about him is to practise not thinking about him!

It is being helpful
And that might mean some of it you’re not happy with

Your friends don’t want to listen anymore?

how long ago did you break up?

Thinking about it more maybe it’s my own fault, I originally told it that I liked that it was sympathetic towards him as everyone else saw him as some kind of monster so it was refreshing to hear someone actually not just paint him as the devil so maybe it’s picked up on that so has started to be even more sympathetic towards him?

Op I think aside from the fact a therapist would be better than this - I echo other pp above who said .. try Claude.
It’s more useful for what want to use AI for. Chat GOT is quite “HR” oriented - I’ve tested lots of discussion points around difficult subjects like sexual assault and it has reduced descriptions to “flirtation adjacent behaviour” or “boundary crossing” and then uses the sort of phrases you are seeing eg IF you are recounting honestly then you should consider calling the police.. that kind of thing.
I’ve directly asked why it does that: apparently it errs on caution if discussing a “real” person. Ask it the same question saying this is hypothetical first - you will get a different answer. Try it - open a new chat and ask your first question again specifically saying this is hypothetical.
It is not meant to be a replacement for real therapy.. for a very good reason.. but it might help you decide on strategies to cope or move on if you directly asked it.

Won’t be giving that information I am not here to be judged and ripped apart.

Well I'm guessing you don't want to get him back given that you say he behaved very badly.

So yes, try to think about him less. I know you can't flick a switch, believe me I'm not saying it's easy, but one thing which certainly won't help you stop thinking about him is to ruminate over events which are in the past and relive them by typing them out looking for "answers".

Sounds like your human friends have been there for you but now think you need to stop going over old ground. I would take their advice over that of a robot (or indeed, strangers on mumsnet)