Sick of men

[Sickofdating]

I have been dating on and off for 20 years, and I have yet to meet a single fully decent man. I've had several long-term relationships, and I've dated lots. And after a while, I’ve come to realise that there is something deeply wrong with almost every single one of them. My female friends, they're amazing. My female colleagues, amazing. I know it’s not universal, women can lie, cheat and be unpleasant.

But even my male friends are questionable now. I have old friends from university, and one of them, for example, has set up a fake email address so he can email me so that his girlfriend doesn't find out. My other close male friend from university locks our conversations at night, so if I message him, I don't appear in his notifications on his phone because he doesn't want his girlfriend to see.

I don’t have anything to hide! It’s mundane normal friendly messaging.

The last man I dated was going through a divorce. He had lied about how long he had been separated from his wife. Another man I met killed his wife. The number of married men at work who try it on. The list goes on.

I meet a lot of people in my life from all walks of life, and the one thing that seems to be pretty universal is that even among the really nice, decent-seeming men, there's always something hidden and wrong.

I also detest how much focus they put on looks and youth. Is there really no man with depth anymore?

Not saying it doesn't happen, but I have never been hit on by any married men I've worked with, they've all been totally professional. Same goes for male friends, none of them have ever been creepy or inappropriate and I've known some of them for 20+ years.

It sounds like you've had terrible luck OP. Every single man you've dated has been bad? Every single one? Or do you just have incredibly high standards?

I assume you don't sleep with or live with your female friends, so you don't know them as well as you'd know an intimate partner. They might be terrible people deep down too.

Well yes but any and all men who use sex workers are perverse and immoral to start with IMO. Not all men will or have used sex workers.

I’m really down in the dumps about it. I want to be married with a family and it seems that no man wants that. They don’t want to build a bond and they don’t get excited about futures and they aren’t affectionate. I’ve just had to split up with my ex because I want kids and he doesn’t. Even though he told me he did at the start of the relationship. Just sad.

the women in my life are so emotionally available, caring, funny, loving women. The men in my life just seem to be husks of humans. No passion for anything, no excitement for life. I know there are men out there that are like this, but why do the complete opposite types of people say what I want to hear only to let me down. Like, just leave me alone. Let me go find my husband, because he is out there somewhere. I think!

wait. so the men who decided to use a sex worker were all scummy? who knew? absolute revelation. if these mens actions directly mirror the entirety of men in the world based on that we are all whores based on your friend being a sex worker as she is a woman. oh I guess she is fine. go get your money girl. I am sure she choosing to become a sex worker is also somehow mens fault. because she is your friend.I am sorry but the double standards are shocking

Maybe you are making bad choices?

How is she making bad choices if the man she was with initially said he wanted kids and then when they were in a relationship, decided he didn't?

Is she supposed to have a better magical psychic knowledge of what he wants than he does?! Ridiculous reach to blame her.

The point being that non of the wives/ partners of these men will have known what they were doing .

exactly. and it proves one thing only. that her clients were shit. which is a given.

The wives probably thought their husbands were good decent men though. Probably all "not my Nigel".

of course that goes without saying. but it has nothing do to with the other nigels. same can be said of for all the nigellas the husbands cant imagine cheating. point is that being extreme and judging everyone with generalisations is a horrible thing to do.

do you know what would mean anything? all the 500 nigels at my workplace see prostitutes behind their wives back and all the dad nigels at DCs school see prostitutes behind their wives back. but saying all the prostitutes clients are scummy are just saying hey the sky is blue.

Thank you!! I have had some bad boyfriends yes, but we talk about what we want out of life, they agree we want the same things so we make a go of the relationships, then almost a year in they change. Completely change. Either they tell me they don’t know what they want, or they cheat, or they just lose all interest in everything. I travel, I work hard, I am a very excitable and passionate person and they say they are too. Then they’re just not. How am I supposed to know they’re lying to me? 😅 It’s not my fault they completely change up. I’ve worked on myself for years and have a clear vision for life. They just don’t. Ever. That is far from my fault. Thank you for sticking up for me here @category12😁

It doesnt have anything to do with their sex?!! Im sorry but you're utterly deluded if you believe that. Just look at the crimes stats for any country around the world. It has everything to do with their sex.

I dont think all men are bad, but I'm not going to play pretend that 'women are just as bad' either.

She could be picking the same type of man time and again and not learning from her mistakes. You see this all the time on the relationship board.

You see women bitch about men all the time, go into your town centre on a Saturday night and look at the type of "men" that get female attention (not all mind).

It's hard to have sympathy sometimes.

It really isn't. No harder than it is to feel sympathy for men who genuinely try & still get messed around.

There's a whole industry built around sulky, entitled men who blame women for their personality problems.

Are your female friends and colleagues really all 'amazing'? All people are flawed IMHO. What do you want a man for? If they're all that bad, what's the point of having one? It's impossible to answer really without knowing a lot more about you.

I’m right here. And no, I’m not. I finally picked a decent man and he just didn’t want what I wanted. I want kids, he doesn’t. That doesn’t make him a bad man, and it doesn’t mean I’m picking the same type of men. I don’t even have a type, and I’m sick of getting so far into relationships and they either cheat or change their minds. All different personalities, all different walks of life, completely different. I’m a kind person, a hard working person, and just want someone on my level. So many just aren’t. You do not know me and you do not know the ins and outs. You may see it all the time but that’s just not how my situation is right now but cheers for your input.

You’ve put that on a six page long discussion where women are bitching about men. What’s the difference??

Well

Well generally violence is the big difference.