Sick of men

[Sickofdating]

I have been dating on and off for 20 years, and I have yet to meet a single fully decent man. I've had several long-term relationships, and I've dated lots. And after a while, I’ve come to realise that there is something deeply wrong with almost every single one of them. My female friends, they're amazing. My female colleagues, amazing. I know it’s not universal, women can lie, cheat and be unpleasant.

But even my male friends are questionable now. I have old friends from university, and one of them, for example, has set up a fake email address so he can email me so that his girlfriend doesn't find out. My other close male friend from university locks our conversations at night, so if I message him, I don't appear in his notifications on his phone because he doesn't want his girlfriend to see.

I don’t have anything to hide! It’s mundane normal friendly messaging.

The last man I dated was going through a divorce. He had lied about how long he had been separated from his wife. Another man I met killed his wife. The number of married men at work who try it on. The list goes on.

I meet a lot of people in my life from all walks of life, and the one thing that seems to be pretty universal is that even among the really nice, decent-seeming men, there's always something hidden and wrong.

I also detest how much focus they put on looks and youth. Is there really no man with depth anymore?

yikes. I am intrigued to see what she has to say about her own son then.

*LadyLavenderUrchin *there you go. I thought not.

you explained nothing with that. other than believing your experience is superior. well done. your experience is more valid just because it is. explained everything like the scholar of dating and phd of men that you are.

*LadyLavenderUrchin *exactly…I thought not 😅

I'm the same in my 50s and it did take me decades to get here. Up until about 5 years ago I still dipped my toe in OLD sites occasionally but now I feel I'm finally over it. I could conceivably have a relationship or a fling but he'd have to be amazing and even then I'm not up for living with a man ever again.

When you're young and attracted to men, that's quite powerful, if you want kids that's quite powerful. I fell in love with men and really really wanted to believe they were good guys or would improve their lazy/selfish/cheating/mansplaining/misogynist etc ways if I could just get through to them.

The man I was with the longest, my DCs' dad, was a "Mr Nice Guy" - funny, charming, self-deprecating, creative, clever - and I couldn't believe he'd really be such a lazy selfish dickhead if he actually realised how much he was leaving for me to do - for the kids, the mental load, the wifework and the house stuff. I tried for years to get him to pull his weight thinking he was a nice bloke and he would eventually get it. Nope! It was devastating to realise he just really didn't care and enjoyed the easy ride and career advantages he got from me doing fucking everything Yes I was stupid and took ages to catch on. But I think that's common because attraction, love and the dream of a lovely relationship and family are sold to us so successfully from a young age, and there's a biological imperative too.

Also I do think there are some nice men and happy lifelong relationships, so it remains a possible dream for many. The chances are slim but it could happen. So women project their idea of a lovely man onto many a basically not very nice man.

unwilling to answer questions and thinking her opinion is worth more than others. yeah I am sure that is a highly desirable on the dating market anyway. all those poor men who will not get this rare diamond of a personality. their loss.

LadyLavenderUrchin 🤣🤣🤣

Great to see women being so supportive of each other on here ... not.

It sounds like a lot of your male friends who have to hide messages from you aren't the awful people, but their partners are if they have such as issue with messages from you.

Bit strange to say that those men aren't decent because their girlfriends are so awful.

it could be either. we don't know. they could be not decent guys or they could have partners who are too insecure or controlling

what should support look like? shouting girl power and you go girl and saying amen to all men being scum? that solves everything. or maybe trying to be realistic and accept that there are shit men and women everywhere?

It's one of those things about mumsnet.

If a woman says that every man she's dated has been shitty, then the prevailing opinion is that that she's fine and all those men are misogynistic/narcissistic/abusive incels.

If a a man says that every woman he's dated has been shitty, then the prevailing opinion is that all those women were fine and he's a misogynistic/narcissistic/abusive incel.

It's just one of those mumsnet things. On mumsnet a woman can only be seen as a problem if she's being horrible to another woman. If there's a man involved then he's automatically the villain and the woman is always the victim.

If a woman says that every man she's dated has been shitty it’s almost every man every single one of my friends and colleagues have married or dated too

And the amount of married men constantly on the look out for women in the workplace - I see it all the time!

I think with a lot of men saying suggestive remarks to women gives them some kind of a power trip over women . I think it’s a turn on for them to say what they are thinking out loud and they probably jerk off on it later . Yuk .

We are literally trained by the patriarchy to find a man like it’s the most important thing in the world so it’s no wonder most of us keep trying for quite a long time. A lot of women hit their 40s and wake up to the fact that it’s all a huge waste of time.

I'm sure if you go on to men's rights activist websites there'll be endless stories about how most women they've come across have been arseholes as well. It's not like the statistics about the number of married men who have affairs is that much different from the number of married women. But as you're a woman then the women looking for affairs probably aren't going to be approaching you.

There are far far more shit men than shit women. Look at what men are currently doing in the world.

We are literally trained by the patriarchy to find a man like it’s the most important thing in the world so it’s no wonder most of us keep trying for quite a long time. A lot of women hit their 40s and wake up to the fact that it’s all a huge waste of time. 💯

She may be able to but you seem unable to. 😂😂😂

I think there are as many good men as awful ones. I know lots of good men, been married 36 years and DH has yet to reveal any sinister traits. Yes he can be moody or grumpy occasionally, so can I! I have 5 sons who are kind, funny, respectful and great company.

Of course, I have met some pretty awful men too - and some awful women.

Err, it's basic biology. Breeding to continue the human race.

Given the absolute state of the country and the world right now, it'd be a blessing if people didn't breed to continue the human race tbh.

but she established that her experience is more superior and her knowledge - cough-cough opinion - trumps someone else's. because she said so. so that's legit don't you know 😂

@Sickofdating i’m not going to disagree with you that there are a lot of men out there with questionable morals, but, these days women can be equally as bad, it’s like loyalty and trust mean nothing anymore.

Unfortunately..yeah
I once overheard my fil on the phone to a friend and they were discussing a woman..I was totally shocked at what he came out with ...
It doesn't even stop when they get in to their 80s