Feeling hurt about daughter favouring her mother-in-law over me

[bunnny]

Feeling upset about daughter spending all her time with her mother in law. Since having her daughter she is always with her mother in law. Even though myself and her mother share the child care since she has gone back to work 4 years ago. I have never been thanked or appreciated. I love my granddaughter very much but I feel really hurt. I take my granddaughter everywhere with me on days out etc and we always have a lovely time. But I feel really hurt when my daughter and her mil go out together. Somthing I have never been asked. Also I am never asked to stay for dinner after a long day babysitting unlike the other grandmother. They always go on holiday every year has a family. Then if all this is not bad enough the mil has been calling me by my first name to my granddaughter who then also calls me by my name. I have had a word with my daughter about this and she said she will speak to her about this but it just continues. I am angry and confused and don’t know what to do.

Unless there is a back story she sounds like a very unpleasant person

How? It’s no reflection on the op, it may just be true.

Who pissed on your chips?

PP wasn't unkind at all.

Are you and your daughter close? What was your relationship like before she had a child? I have a closer relationship with my MIL than with my own mum and I know lots of families who have a cold relationship with one side and a warm and close one with the other.

It’s not because I ‘favour’ my MIL. It’s because I don’t particularly want a relationship with my mum. Neither of them provide any childcare or ever have btw. My mum isn’t a particularly nice person, has a lot of issues, isn’t someone I want around my family, is manipulative and emotionally unstable and regardless of my children, I simply don’t want to be around her. Apart from grandchildren, what’s your relationship like? Were you always close? Do you make an effort to do things together without the children? I think your answer lies there.

I would be viewing it that she trusts YOU with her kid but has to go out with her mother in law 🤷‍♀️

Something I have never been asked

Have you ever asked though? Planned a day out, invited your DD and Family?

I’d suspect it was the MIL planning the days out.

it might be your SIL who asks his mum to stay to dinner. Or does the MIL offer to make dinner for the family and stays to eat it?

If you want something, ask.

One other thing to consider, people spend time with those that are easiest to spend time with, who are cheerful and relaxed. You seem to have a lot of resentment.

Regarding the name thing - unless your DD’s MIL is spending her whole childcare day talking about you to her DGD it seems unlikely it’s causing the child to use your name.

Perhaps the child just overhears her Dad referring to you by your first name to her Mum.

It’s really not a big deal just gently correct her.

Were you close with your daughter before she had a child or have things changed since?
My mother has very little interest in my child, but this isn't really a change from our previous relationship as she has always had very little interest in me.
I remember my MIL being very concerned about the name thing, insisting that there could only be one Grandma and that my mother would have to be Nanna. My mother didn't give a shit, obviously, so there wasn't the friction I imagine there must be for you.
If this is a change in your relationship pre-grandchild, I'd talk to your daughter about how you feel.