Upset my SIL has not invited my children to his daughter’s party

[Sunshineandrain999]

All in the title. Hurt and upset as I’ve invited her children to all of my children’s parties. Even when one of my daughters was 2 months old and I put on a spread in the pokey like house we were renting at the time. She’s invited people from her church but not us. Feels like we’re an after thought. Not to mention we are probably moving countries in the next year so time is precious spent with the little ones. We are the only family my brother’s got within an hour radius. AIBU?

Why are you angry with your SIL and not your brother? If time is precious with the little ones, you can always organize times to have them over.

As soon as our dc started school we stopped inviting cousins to their parties. They just had a few school friends. Spent lots of time witheir cousins at other times. They all grew up great friends. Maybe suggest an activity they could do together when party is over. I wouldn't take it to heart.

I'm also wondering why SIL is copping all the blame for this, surely if your brother wanted you invited you would be.

The issue is your brother, not sister in law
Are the kids the same ages?
Maybe just invite them over for a hang out

How old is the birthday child? If they’re old enough to pick who they want at their party then it’s unlikely they’d want cousins who live an hour away they don’t see that often.

Be honest and tell your brother that you are disappointed not to be seeing his kid on their birthday.
Perhaps they thought you would be dropping by.

Once they are no longer toddlers, birthday parties are usually school friends only and drop off, not family coming round for tea and cake and a chat. From about 4, we didn’t invite family or random friends that weren’t from school, unless we did a separate birthday tea for family.

Has your brother no say in this, OP? You need to talk to him - but it’s not absolutely unusual to have a party without cousins and it does rather depend on what type of party, and the age of the birthday person. As DC get older, so parties change, and it may be that they want a party with friends rather than family. YBU to regard an invitation to a cousin’s party as a “right”. If you’re wanting to spend time with them before you go abroad, then invite them to yours.

Sorry OP, whilst it might be upsetting you’re not entitled to an invite to someone else’s event/occasion.

He old are her children and why are you angry at SIL and not your brother?

What size is the party?

You mentioned moving abroad. Are you from a different culture where this is a major faux pas?

In English families I think it’s very common for school friends to take precedence at a certain age and it’s about the kids having fun together and not the adults staying and a drop off party when you live an hour away isn’t very practical.

How cruel. I can't understand this mindset.

How old are the children involved, and what’s the party? If there’s a huge age difference, or a paid-per-person, I can see why the cousins aren’t invited.

I’m also confused why you’re blaming your sister in law and not your brother. That smacks of misogyny,

Talk to your brother.

Why are you blaming the SIL and not your actual brother.

It is your brother who has the responsibility here. It’s so misogynistic to put blame on another woman for a man’s actions or lack of. Be an adult and have a conversation with him.

The baby is 1 so doesn’t choose school friends. I have 4 girls that adore their baby cousin, all under 9 and dote on her. Also, runs deeper, I have invited them to 2 house parties for my daughters and they didn’t respond that they weren’t coming until the day. My brother is rubbish with anything like this- not making an excuse for him but the relationship for this type of thing is with my sister in law.

We have travelled over an hour to every occasion they have invited us to. Sent cards for birthdays when they have not - yes brother’s fault no doubt he’s a sh*t. Feels very personal. Right or wrong I’m not here to debate misogyny here. SIL does all the organising. What she says goes in terms of the invite list. Not right but is the reality

Of course you’re making excuses for him! He’s your relative, it’s a party for his child, he hasn’t invited his own sister or his nieces. Don’t be daft.

I think there’s your answer. You have been excommunicated so therefore would likely not be invited to events that involve church friends.

So just because we’re blood I should have a closer relationship to him than my SIL? You’re dreaming!!

So you're imagining your poor henpecked brother desperately longing to invite his nieces to his baby's birthday party and his hopes being cruelly dashed by his evil wife? 🙄

Why are you so hung up on this, anyway? You say yourself that they've invited you to things in the past, and that you live an hour away from them. It's a baby's first birthday! They may well think no one in their right mind would trek an hour to eat and slice of cake while a 1 year old who has no idea what's going on zones out, hence inviting only local friends.

Drop the rope, OP. You can’t force her to want a close relationship with you or your girls. Your brother is the connection and he doesn’t care either.

You’re upset that you’re not invited despite being blood. So, yes, apparently blood is important to you.

You seem quite aggressive about all of this. Yes, he's your brother. Presumably you grew up together. You've known him far longer than you've known your SIL. Naturally you would be assumed to be closer.

Not necessarily closer but any complaints about their conduct should go through him first as your sibling. It’s THEIR child’s party, not just hers.