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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend shouts, follows me during arguments and I feel afraid at home

56 replies

alturist · 08/06/2026 20:49

My boyfriend and me argue and he shouts. I’ve asked him not to because it always makes me cry. He sometimes laughs when I cry or if I mispronounce words (I can stammer when I’m anxious, but haven’t really done it since a child).

We were both arguing today, and I was getting really frustrated because he wasn’t listening. Basically I’ve booked flights abroad which he agreed with but is now saying he can’t go as it’ll be a home match for his football team. Ridiculous! I said I’ll go alone then, and that was the wrong answer… he said I was a self centred idiot and that I should be spending weekends and holidays with him. I’d lose £350 if we didn’t use the tickets

Anyway I said dont speak to me like that, he ran in front of me saying “answer the fucking question”. I asked him to get out of my face but he persisted. So I turned around and walked to the bathroom, I said please don’t follow me, leave me alone. He said I’ll fucking follow you. Got to the bathroom, locked the door and cried. He smacked the wall and threw something.

I feel afraid in my own house. His tempers horrendous.

OP posts:
Puffinsandcoffee · 08/06/2026 22:06

I can understand someone losing it in a rage and behaving really badly. The laughing at you when you mispronounce words though is just nasty for the sake of it, which I would find more worrying.

My point is, I've accepted similar behaviour from my husband (hitting walls, throwing stuff, breaking stuff etc,) when he's under extreme stress or whatever, and even I think you should get rid of this boyfriend. He sounds kind of coldly nasty, which combined with a bad temper is a big problem.

TheEarlofButties · 08/06/2026 22:07

You know this is abusive and you need to leave, that’s why you wrote this. Can you make a plan? Is there anyone you can tell in real life? Nothing to be embarrassed about, you’ve realised now this isn’t right and you’re going to deal with it.

The stammering thing broke my heart a bit, he’s probably the cause of it resurfacing and mocking you is not what people who love you do.

WellThatIsABitMad · 08/06/2026 22:12

Can a friend pick you up ? Do you drive and have access to a car? If so, can you drive to your parents house or a friend nearby. You need to leave him asap. Poor you, honestly you deserve so much better, how dare he make you so frightened? You can ring the police too at any point if you aren’t able to get out of the house. Please just end it, it will only get worse.

Delphiniumandlupins · 08/06/2026 22:17

It's not a healthy relationship if you are afraid of him. I hope you get out soon.

category12 · 08/06/2026 22:19

Hand in your notice for your tenancy and go back to where your family live.

Just go.

suburberphobe · 08/06/2026 22:24

I've accepted similar behaviour from my husband (hitting walls, throwing stuff, breaking stuff etc,)

Fuck! I could never live like that @Puffinsandcoffee

I've been through physical domestic abuse and that would just really trigger me.

But this is not about me. Please OP, get away from him. You sound quite young and as said upthread you would benefit from getting in touch with WomensAid.

Hooplahoophoop · 09/06/2026 01:48

As everyone else has said, you need to get out of this relationship. No-one deserves to be treated like that.

HoppityBun · 09/06/2026 02:58

You must end this unhealthy and dangerous relationship immediately

mathanxiety · 09/06/2026 05:38

alturist · 08/06/2026 21:35

He’s gone out now, but I don’t know where he’s gone. We rent the house. It’s just us. The neighbours have probably heard him over the last few months im so embarrassed. I live about 2 hours from my parents and family.

Whose name is on the rental agreement or lease? Yours alone, his alone, or both?

You need to contact Women's Aid (0808 2000 247) for advice. Leave your number and a good time for them to call you.

dizzydizzydizzy · 09/06/2026 05:45

It’s domestic abuse. Please get support from Women’s Aid. ExDP behaved like this and they helped me. It wasn’t easy but it was worth the effort.

sesquipedalian · 09/06/2026 05:48

OP, nobody should feel afraid at home, and if you do, there’s something very wrong. This man doesn’t love you: he’s a nasty, controlling bully, and unfortunately he isn’t going to change. I’ve been in a relationship where I had to hide in the bathroom and lock myself in: it’s absolutely no way of going on, and especially not in what should be the sanctuary of your own home. Sadly, OP, this will only get worse - you need to leave for your own safety. It really isn’t doing you any good being with him. Is there a friend or family you could go and stay with? Today he’s thumped the wall: how long before he thumps you? You’re not safe with this man - please leave before he does something worse.

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 09/06/2026 05:55

Puffinsandcoffee · 08/06/2026 22:06

I can understand someone losing it in a rage and behaving really badly. The laughing at you when you mispronounce words though is just nasty for the sake of it, which I would find more worrying.

My point is, I've accepted similar behaviour from my husband (hitting walls, throwing stuff, breaking stuff etc,) when he's under extreme stress or whatever, and even I think you should get rid of this boyfriend. He sounds kind of coldly nasty, which combined with a bad temper is a big problem.

Your husband also sounds awful.

LewKirtonHeavenInTheAfternoonNSOul · 09/06/2026 05:58

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 09/06/2026 05:55

Your husband also sounds awful.

Bet he doesn't punch walls etc at work.

tripleginandtonic · 09/06/2026 05:59

If you were my daughter I'd want you to come home. You dont have to put up with someone treating you like this

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 09/06/2026 06:03

LewKirtonHeavenInTheAfternoonNSOul · 09/06/2026 05:58

Bet he doesn't punch walls etc at work.

Yup. They never ‘lose it in a rage’ around their boss, other authority figures or larger men who would wallop them. Strange, that.

averylongtimeago · 09/06/2026 06:15

You know what the answer is. He’s not going to change, next time it will be you he punches.

When he goes out, pack a bag and leave, don’t tell him you are going, that way he can’t stop you. If you have a friend with a car, could they give you a lift? You say your parents are 2 hours away, that’s not far- would they fetch you? If my daughter turned up out of the blue with a bag in these circumstances I or any mum would welcome her. While he’s out, get your essential paperwork together, passport, bank details ect and leave.
Good luck!

PrueRamsay · 09/06/2026 06:21

Do you have access to a car? Money for train fare? Can you get away safely?

Please don’t tell him you are leaving, you could be in danger. Just plan to quietly leave as soon as you can. 💐

Willsmer · 09/06/2026 06:23

He is NOT your boyfriend, Walk away. No one should be treated like this.

Alltheusefulitems · 09/06/2026 06:27

If you work, are you able to book a week or 2 of annual leave without much notice?

Book time off, go to your family and spend some time sorting out the best way to move forward and away from this man.

Everyone who knows you won't want you to be living like this! I don't even know you and I don't want you to live like this!

Pssedoffathis · 09/06/2026 06:56

Leave. It won't get better. When he is out pack your stuff and go. Stay with family even if two hours away if yoh have to. Change jobs if you have to. Just get out of there. Tenancies are now rolling since new renter rights. You canget out of the contract withing two months. Pay your share and go.

ToYouFromMe · 09/06/2026 07:05

Bananalanacake · 08/06/2026 20:54

Who owns the property you live in. Throwing things is abusive.

Shouting ,swearing,scaring to the point of tears is very abusive.
He is not a good person.
The £350; put down to an expensive mistake.
But get away from this boyfriend before he does real harm to you.

Onlyme7575 · 09/06/2026 08:11

alturist · 08/06/2026 21:35

He’s gone out now, but I don’t know where he’s gone. We rent the house. It’s just us. The neighbours have probably heard him over the last few months im so embarrassed. I live about 2 hours from my parents and family.

Does he work?if so gather as much belongings as you can and go back to your family.things will get worse.

Thatsthebottomline · 09/06/2026 12:28

Men who behave like this do not get better, they get worse as they lack any kind of control. I say 'man" in the loosest term because hes acting like a child, not a man.

My advice is to get out now before it gets worse, because it WILL get worse. He will say he'll change and maybe you'll believe him. There are any number of excuses he will use, but they are excuses.

Time to go, you deserve better.

BogusBargins · 09/06/2026 12:33

OP, promise to look up the Strawman Argument - lots of easily accessible videos on social media and see if it resonates. The way he’s turning arguments around on you & going off on a tangent when he’s to blame really fit.

Regardless of what and how he’s doing this > leave him!

Waffleindahouse · 09/06/2026 12:38

This thread, writing it all down, should be all you need to start making a plan to leave him. He will only escalate and you deserve to be in a safe and loving relationship. Confide in someone in real life and please try to stay safe whilst you make a plan to get out. Please contact women’s aid