Pinkpoet support thread (TW for SA)

[PinkPoetAgain1]

Just starting a new thread for those who are following/supporting

I’m all over the place mentally at the moment as I said in my last thread but I’m still listening xx

I think he forgot he ever said he’d deleted it . He just brought it up in conversation and said oh do you remember when we did this and I was like I thought that was deleted years ago!

Are you angry that he just ignored that you wanted it deleted before this , as if everything you want is silly and doesn't need to be listened to?

It's sick that he finds you sexy when you're asleep.

Yes he’s very forgetful isn’t he. About a lot of things. I don’t believe that for a moment.

The photos and video are sickening. God knows what else he’s filmed when you are asleep.
He is a dangerous man.

Hang on, he’s taken photos of you when you’re sleeping? Poet, this is an extremely disturbing piece of information. Firstly, that is just not normal. Secondly, it’s a huge invasion of your privacy and dignity. It’s basically ANOTHER way of him doing what he likes with your body, treating you as if you’re nothing to him. And lastly… god knows what else he has taken pictures of. This is how the Pelicote case went.

He really isn’t subtle about how much he disregards and, to be blunt, dislikes you. I’m so sad for you that you can’t see it but I have hope that one day you will see all this for what it is.

Yeah , a few times, in the context of like he gets up early and takes a photo of me still sleeping. Then he will send it to me with a message like ‘how am I expected to sleep when you look like this ‘ or something . It sounds a bit yucky when I write it out! But I always took it as a compliment. I’ve got those in our message history still.

do you think I should try and check his phone?

I wouldn’t rely too heavily on him not doing things because they’re illegal Poet.

He knows it’s illegal to rape you and sexually assault you in your sleep but he does those things because he wants to.

Please don’t get complacent, trust us when we say he is a dangerous man x

I would imagine that the photos are not on his phone, they are likely downloaded onto a hard drive somewhere. That way he can show you that he deletes them off his phone, but he still has them. Dont forget that he thinks he is far far more clever than you. Id agree that he is far more manipulative than you, because, as a friend who was a prison officer for many years told me, sexual offenders are REALLY clever in their manipulation - they have to be or they will easily be caught - but he treats you with the level of regard for what you will believe, like a child. He isnt actually that smart though, because he cant even remember what lies he has told. I suppose he thinks it doesnt matter as you wont challenge him, because you ultimately are scared of him, and he knows that. He only evert needs to use the level of dominance that is required to remind you of your place.

It’s so weird. I’m sure we’ve all looked at a sleeping loved one and thought they look so beautiful (the children mostly!) or cute/sweet ….but sexy?! What’s sexy about someone looking asleep and vulnerable?

It might be a perversion of his but I’m not sure that’s the full picture. Him sharing the pics with you are part of it - I mean where’s the full pleasure in violation if no one knows about it? I think he enjoys showing you he’s done something you were unaware of when you were at your most vulnerable.

I sometimes wonder why people film their attacks and therefore gather evidence of their own crimes but of course, it’s a part of the violation. The attack only lasts for how long it lasts, but images or video can be relived and, for an extra thrill, shared with others. It’s not a certainty of course, but he sounds exactly the type to have images of you that he’s been uploading to these dodgy sites where husbands do this.

Poet when you’ve seen news reports about women like Gisele Pelicot, although DH has not brought other men into your home, have your not thought it odd that he’s taken photos of you asleep?
Making comments about how is he supposed to sleep?
Without wishing to sound rude, most of us are not at our best when we are asleep. I find it is really, really intrusive.
It seems there is so much information filed away in your mind that you are uncovering as you go along which you are suprised every time is not normal behaviour.

I'm sorry, dear Poet, but the fact that he's taking pictures of you asleep and completely vulnerable is very sick and twisted. I have experience of this and it is a revolting perversion. I hate to say it but I believe there will be much, much more that he has stashed away. How do you know that he's not filming you when you're deeply asleep, heavily medicated and he's sexually assaulting you? I'm so sorry, you deserve so much better 😔💐

I don’t think you should attempt to look at his phone because if you are caught he may ask to look at yours. You need to be extremely careful.

if you have access to the bank accounts now, can you take some records of the statements, so you have an idea of salary etc. Keep this info filed away.

When is your next therapy session and WA appt?

I think it would be very dangerous to look at his phone Poet and as you’re not mentally in a place where you’re ready to leave, I’m not sure how much impact it would have to find something in there anyway.

I really don’t think it would be wise at the moment to look at his. Especially because as a PP says, if he catches you he may ask to look at yours and find something that angers him.

x

What would you gain if you found something on his phone ?

Would that be your red line.

Does he ever not sexualise you? It just seems like a constant stream of wanting to fuck you.

Don’t get me wrong, it can be nice to feel desired, but not when it's as if it's the main or only thing that matters about you.

Like others on this thread I am so sad and alarmed to read your recent updates Poet. It feels like you are starting to put the puzzle pieces together. What you are describing are systematic methods of control. To play it back to you:

When you met, you were 18 and he was an established 31/32 year old man and you were just a teenager leaving childhood. This is a classic unbalanced power dynamic. From day one, the relationship was built on an imbalance where he had a decade more life experience / financial stability and psychological development than you. This made it incredibly easy for him to set the rules of what is normal, grooming you to accept behavior that an equal partner never would.

Taking photos of a sleeping, unconscious person is a severe boundary violation. Sending them with messages like 'how am I expected to sleep' is entitlement. He is viewing your sleeping body as an object for his visual consumption / potential physical use, rather than a person resting. You feel 'yucky' writing it out because your gut knows it is really invasive.

You seem to be relaxed about the fact he wouldn’t ever release the video of you both. Under the Criminal Justice and Courts Act 2015, it is a serious criminal offence not just to disclose, but to threaten to disclose, private sexual photographs or films without the consent of the individual, with the intention of causing distress (eg 'revenge porn').The most alarming part of this is that he lied to you. He told you it was deleted, but kept it. This proves he does not respect your autonomy or your consent. Can he ever release this, no - it is highly illegal and heavily prosecuted in the UK. However, abusers frequently use the existence of such footage as a silent, psychological weapon to keep victims compliant. The fact that he randomly 'admitted' he still has the video is a subtle way of reminding you that he holds this leverage over you.

You mentioned you have messages where he admits he still has the video after claiming it was deleted, and messages containing the sleeping photos. Do not delete these. Screenshot them and send them to a secure, brand new email address that he has no access to. This is vital evidence of coercive control and digital boundary violations.

You are not overreacting. Your instincts are completely right to feel alarmed by this.

I would not be at all surprised to find that the photos of you sleeping are the least of it. I imagine, in fact I would place a hefty bet on it, that he has intimate photos of you. If you can wake up to find him on top of you, there is plenty of chances for him to photograph your breasts uncovered, or your genitals.

I would also suspect that he might share them. It seems to make him feel big in front of his friends to suggest that you are up for and gagging for it, that you pester him for sex. It makes him feel like the big stud, because you are young and I suspect attractive, so as a trophy, he demonstrates what he can get. Its all about posturing in front of others, sexual bragging. So to send a photo along with some kind of disgusting crude comment, asking people to see what he has got access to, well it seems to fit the pattern.

and by the way did you hear on the news about the networks the police are investigating?
https://edition.cnn.com/2026/07/03/europe/online-drug-rape-investigations-intl-hnk

I saw a guardian article on that, and it did occur to me that OP's husband might have at least looked at it, if notbsubmitted photos of the OP, sorry, OP, but I wouldn't put it past him based on what you've said.

That's not a compliment, that's repulsive and beyond creepy. I shivered reading it. It can be charged as voyeurism.

The way this man's mind probably works makes it very likely there are other pics on his phone that you wouldn't want to necessarily see.

Voyeurism is categorized as non-contact sexual violence. Ask yourself why you want to go look - do you need proof that he is not a good man? You have that already.

He's showing you those pics under the pretense of complimenting you when in reality he probably gets off on knowing you know how far he is free to go, and the knowledge he's only showing you those he wants you to see when there are more. I'm really sorry I think it's very possible. Does he always keep his phone in his sight?

Don't bother checking his phone. I imagine even if he has explicit photos, as pp have said, they'll be hidden/stored on the cloud. Besides, given all his other behaviours, it hardly matters whether or not he's saving explicit videos or photos of you - you already know he's a coercive, abusive rapist.

Additionally, it's not a compliment. It's just another way that he's reducing you to a sex object that he can't be expected to not penetrate whenever he feels the urge. The subtext to his messages are: "Look what you make me do. How can I be expected to not rape you, when you're lying there, just existing? I can't help myself. Your very existence drives me to rape. It's not my fault, it's yours."

My DH has actually taken photos of me sleeping before, but they were either because a.) I was sleeping in some ridiculous, hilarious pose, b.) I was co-sleeping with our babies and he thought baby and I looked precious, or c.) once he just thought I looked angelic apparently (he needs his eyes checked!), so took a photo to show me. He didn't try to use any of those incidences as reasons to force unwanted sex on me though, so none of them felt creepy.

when @OtterlyAstounding pops

'you already know he's a coercive, abusive rapist.'

in the middle of her reply

says it all really

I have decided not to try and check his phone but some of the headlines in the news at the moment have sent me spiralling a bit .

I don’t know what to do right now
the anxiety is building again even though he’s not doing anything at the moment

That's not unexpected, because you're in the state of wondering when, not if, but when, he will. It must be exhausting living like that, I am so sad for you.

That’s completely understandable Poet. When’s you next appointment with WA or the therapist?
Honestly, I think you need to confide in someone in real life. You did mention a work colleague before. How about her?