Pinkpoet support thread (TW for SA)

[PinkPoetAgain1]

Just starting a new thread for those who are following/supporting

I’m all over the place mentally at the moment as I said in my last thread but I’m still listening xx

Exactly poet.
you wouldn’t necessarily be aware if he’d raped you in your sleep due to pain meds/alcohol.
if he raped/assaulted you when asleep/unconscious and you raised it with him the next day he’d just gaslight you and say it didn’t happen/dream/nightmare.
wait he has already done this a few months ago.

he would 1000% think those guys who raped that drugged woman were lucky and the men messed up by getting caught.

He won’t be honest OP because he knows his behaviours is surmountable to rape.

You do realise the only difference between him and Mr Pelicot and these other men is that he hasn't ended up in court? He is the same as them. Exactly the same.

I worry sooner or later there will be an incident like this again. He’s withholding it as he feels it’s too risky right now for him to do that. He has sensed a risky change in you the last few months. Lie low, good behaviour for a while

But he can never hold it in for more than a couple of weeks. It's what he likes and who he is. The OP could be anyone as far as he's concerned. He's a real danger to all women, and especially to the OP right now.

Poet, I do think you should sleep separately again tonight. You'll sleep better.

I agree please try to sleep in with one of the kids tonight poet. Last night was an escalation after some respite x

Your being vulnerable, oblivious, in pain, on pain meds, pregnant, is what turns him on. The more vulnerable you are, the "better" it is for him.

I'm not trying to scare you but what if he takes a liking to you being physically incapacitated? Please look after yourself, it would appear the things you appreciate about him seem to be exclusively about basking in his role and enjoying his power over your family. It's likely he's using therapy merely to legitimize the assaults and validate his indifference to your feelings.

How is it going with the drinking?

Whether things are good or bad Poet this thread is here for you always to reflect and get in touch with your feelings especially when you feel all you can do is survive x

How was last night @ThisIsPinkPoetx

I slept with one of the children as they arnt well . Thanks for asking x

I do see that pattern as well.
however I don’t think he’d like me being injured/sick for long as the novelty quickly wears off and he gets grumpy and fed up of carrying most of the physical house/kids responsibilities.

but I do see what you’re saying. I think he likes to be the ‘hero’ and it makes him feel good.

drinking is ok. I’ve stopped with the wine . I was getting fed up of having a headache in the mornings

I might be putting 2 and 2 together here and coming up with 100 but I feel I should ask.

You've said that things have been good, and he's not (until the other night) been doing the masurbating in his also next to you and groping you thing either. But previously you said that he'd be doing that most nights.

I do what I'm wondering is whether in the last few weeks you've been making a huge effort to keep his 'sex tank,' (shudder) REALLY topped up, and then he left you alone. Then you hurt yourself and you haven't been able to use as much sex as usual (because you wouldn't, you're injured, on pain meds etc) and so he's started taking what he wants again without consent. Or he raised that you'd taken strong painkillers and that meant you'd sleep well so it's was a 'good' opportunity for him. It can't be a coincidence that it's when you're more vulnerable.

Yes I think you’re onto something there.
as I’ve said before my feelings towards sex and intimacy are complicated and up and down. Often I do want to, and also I don’t like to leave it too long. Subconsciously I think I start to worry. It’s a self protection mechanism probably .

We are good when our sex life is good. It seems to directly correlate . When it’s not good he is more grumpy, sometimes angry and he starts to push boundaries

I’d just like to gently challenge your language there.

When you say “when our sex life is good” I think what you really mean is “when HE is satisfied with our sex life”?

I think he’s manipulated you for so long that you think if he’s ‘happy’, you’re happy. When actually it’s just that if he’s ‘happy’, you feel under less threat.

That’s not happiness, it’s just the respite part of the abuse cycle before the next phase which is the emotional / sexual abuse x

Yes, iirc, basically when you took a break from the thread, you were having a lot of sex with him.

But obviously that's not always sustainable.

If you were incapacitated for whatever reason, what on earth would your relationship look like after a few days of him not using your body?

The problem is he would still be using her body. Just non consensually.

Poet you mentioned that you’d need to make a therapy appointment. Have you not been in the last couple of weeks?

I’ve been going I just missed last week because of the injury and might this week too

I think you should try to go, particularly as he's done it again.

I thought that might be the case.

I think another poster might be right though that it's not so much good sex, more when he is satisfied with your sex life.

What you've described sounds very quick, very formulaic and tbh pretty damn unsatisfying. I'm not dismissing the joy of a quickie occasionally, but it's like the kids go to bed, he jumps on you, always finished in the same position (baffling) and that's all by half past 8 in the evening (and then at 5am).

There's no luxuriating on it, taking your time, playfulness, joy. It sounds very perfunctory. I know kids mean that taking your time can be tricky, but there's still a balance to be struck. I'm not saying you need 2 hour sessions with a bunch of sex toys and swinging from the chandeliers, but there's something in between which most of us want. And it can't be squeezed into half time of a football match...

I'm not saying this to make you feel crap about the sex, but because he's fed you a bunch of lies about what 'normal' is, and you've never had a decent sexual relationship, so you might not know.

Also OP, you didn't answer the question about whether the sex ends in the same way, and you don't have to. But if he still only finishes when you are face down or he is physically dominating you with a hand on your back or neck (even loosely!) this is not progress.

In fact, you keep saying things have been better but as an outsider looking in I am not clear how. What you HAVE said is that you are having lots of sex with him, which you sometimes want and you don't really understand the fuss over him using your body to masturbate with while you sleep. And that your body still doesn't feel safe.

The only change I can see if that you have stopped drinking. That is a positive change but it also removes a coping mechanism for you and another way to black out and forget and so it makes sense that your brain is struggling.

Do you want to do this forever? I think it's very important to ask yourself that. Because we could be here in a year, in 5 years, in 20 years. Is this how you want your life to look? If you are suffering in this way now, how is it going to feel in 20 years...

You say you’re sleeping deeply due to pain meds, but what pain meds? I’ve known lots of people with broken bones etc and they’re never given strong pain meds. You also take strong meds for migraines.
Do you think that you’re actually self medicating to get through this life where you’re constantly on edge? Have you just replaced wine with meds?
Then ironically you are making yourself even more vulnerable and susceptible to assault by being drugged.

I’ve been taking codeine at night because it’s throbbing and keeping me awake . Plus neurofen . I feel like it makes me sleep a bit more deeply than usual but maybe I’m just tired !

I need advice. The kids were extra loud this morning before he left and he couldn’t seem to deal with it. He was crashing around helping with breakfast glaring and huffing. I always feel guilty that I’m sitting down with a bad ankle so I said I’d do it. He said he wasn’t angry but I just felt it. At one point he accidentally knocked a bowl of cereal out of my hands onto the floor and I asked him to pass me an apple for a lunchbox and he threw it at me. I didn’t catch it and it hit one of the DC (lightly bounced off them). I asked him why he’s doing this and he really denies it and says I’m too sensitive, he’s not angry just a bit stressed out from too much noise and trying to get everything ready before he leaves for work. He didn’t knock me we were both just rushing and wrong place wrong time.

I don’t know what to think. I feel like I’m making a fuss out of nothing but it makes me jump when it happens .

There is a huge difference between gently throwing an apple to you and forcibly throwing an apple at you, knowing you will probably miss/drop it or it could hit you.
No decent man would do the latter.
You know the drill Poet.
He forcibly throws things as a sign of aggression and this time it’s hit one of your DC.
If a decent man accidentally hit one of his children with anything he would apologise profusely.
It is done to make you feel unsure and off balance.
He is back in the cycle of abuse again after the other night and now this.
I wonder how your child feels? Because they will start to notice these patterns and become watchful.
Being watchful in this way as a child creates long term health problems - it’s now proven. You may think it’s just wrong place wrong time but it’s not. It’s deliberate and he clearly controls when and how he does it to keep you in your place.