Would you act as a go-between for contact in this situation?

[thirdpartygobetween]

Would you be ok with a third party go between to facilitate contact ? I’ve been asked by my DB to help out. He stupidly had an affair, got the OW pregnant - then reconciled with SIL.

He wasn’t at the birth and SIL is saying she understands there needs to be visits but that she wants to do the collecting and drop off and DB says it’s better it’s a separate person so he’s asked me but I’m really uneasy. If I don’t help though I’m worried the baby won’t get to grow up having a good relationship with DB.

I know he’s been a total twat but we are all as a family trying to move on from that and put the baby first. OW doesn’t want SIL too involved with the baby but obviously she will be there when DB has contact and OW is saying it needs to start soon she has proposed 4 hours every weekend to start (baby is 4 weeks) but she has also said she doesn’t want SIL playing happy families with her baby.

I've seen different schools of thought, and one that does make a fairly convincing argument for the father to have minimal involvement.

It's the kind of situation you don't know how you'll feel until it happens to you, and I have never been in that situation myself, so I can only guess how I'd feel. I suspect my marriage would end with an affair anyway. I can see myself possibly deciding that if we're going to make a go of it, we're going to do it properly and go for at least 50/50 care. I'd treat that child as a full part of the family or opt out of the marriage completely myself. No, I don't care one bit how the mother feels about that.

I’d keep well away. SIL clearly has zero self esteem, B is a philanderer and doesn’t deserve another woman running round after him sorting things out. Poor baby!

4 hours seems a long time to be away from mum at that age.

An hour or two more frequently would probably be better for the child.

I wouldn't get involved as it's a huge imposition like you've nothing better to do at weekends, plus you'll get dragged into every battle.

SIL needs to accept the reality that he will have to see the mum.
And the mum needs to accept the reality that SIL will be "playing families" with her baby.

If she does it once, she has accepted ghe responsibility

You are wrong, and so would he be if he agrees with you, but I don’t see any particular evidence that he would.