Male friend behaviour

[LA1988]

I have been friends with this guy since I was 16. We are now both 39. He's my sons godfather. We have always got any really well. Last weekend I had my first child free night in months so planned on a hot bath, movie & early bedtime. He randomly turned up (which has never been an issue before) we ended up having a few drinks & just chatting about life in general (which is normal) then I said i was exhausted so was going to bed. He asked if it was ok to crash on the sofa because he had been drinking (again it was fine, we had both slept on each other's sofas over the years) as I went to leave the room to go upstairs he said "or i could sleep in your bed" (we have never shared a bed in all the years I have known him) I said "ok I will sleep down here if you want to sleep upstairs" again he made the suggestion we sleep together & I was firm & said no. He then said "maybe i will wait until your asleep then climb in next you, you wouldnt know whats happening because your asleep" his response for some reason made me doubt his presence. I said I would call his brother to pick him up if he wanted to go home & sleep in his own bed or call a taxi & he could pick his car up the next day. He gave me a smirk & said "oh I get it, thats fine you cock tease" then started shouting i had been leading him on for years. I asked him to leave immediately because he has never spoken to me like that in all the years we have known each other. As he was leaving he said "maybe you should think about all the things I have done for you over the years & that I owe him". I have tried talking to him about what happened last weekend. I have called & text but he has chosen not to speak to me but its put me on edge because its making me question myself, our friendship & if anything has happend when I have been asleep previously.

Well he's a repulsive piece of shit isn't he?

And any man who says "maybe i will wait until your asleep then climb in next you, you wouldnt know whats happening because your asleep" is not only a disgusting pervert but also very dangerous.

Get him out of your life, block him on everything, don't text or communicate with him at all. He's not a friend he's a predator and trying to make you in some way to blame for not wanting him to rape you.

I'm sorry this atrocious man has been in your life and I too would be worried about what may have happened in the past, I would suggest calling Women's Aid for support.

This man is not your friend. Block him on everything.

I thin It was a mistake to call and text him because it places you in the role of asking for the friendship to continue. Have nothing to do with him and make sure to let his brother know why.

It’s a pity he’s your son’s godfather but neither of you should have him in your lives.

Stop chasing him. He's an absolute twat and you're better off with him out of your life.

What a pathetic, creepy scumbag! I think this is what the ‘block’ function was invented for.

I’m so sorry you’ve had such a horrible experience. He has very clearly shown you who he really is. Please stop trying to make contact with him. You don’t need a potential rapist as your friend.

He sounds rapey and scary. Dont let him in your house again. From now on pub sessions only if you really must continue this relationship

Stop that nonsense for a start.
Block, Ignore, Cold Shoulder, Tell him to Get tae Fuck, anything but trying to get a response from this complete POS.
Whether he was pissed or not this is the most unacceptable behaviour I've ever heard of and I'm sorry that you had to witness it.

That sounds horrific OP. It’s clear he needs to be an ex friend. It’s okay to feel sad about that and to grieve the friendship, but please don’t let that grief overrule your head in telling this poor excuse that the friendship is over. Does he have keys to your house or car? If so, I would recommend asking for them back (car) and changing locks. It wouldn’t surprise me if you end up with a message apologising and blaming the drink/mental health/ who knows what. He’s shown you who he is. Believe him. I’m not clear from your post whether you have a DH, if so I would tell them what has happened. If not, tell at least one person close to you who can support you.

He's horrible. Don't chase him. He's already called you a cockteaser and he will see this as you encouraging him.

Honestly, just block. Sorry the friendship has turned into this. It's all on him.

He has never been your friend, you've just been kept on the back burner this whole time.

His lil back up plan that he's always assumed he could cash in on one day

It's really fucking disappointing OP but its a common tale.

Don't talk to him about it he'll twist your whole history

Him, because of all the things he’s done for you over the years? You are a cock tease? He’ll climb into the bed when you’re asleep because then you won’t know what’s going on?
Hard fuck off forever, mate!

What a horrible thing to have happened and I'm so sorry you have not only lost a friend but have been put in the position of seeing the past decades of friendship differently.

Please don't chase him. If someone has said that kind of thing, you need to block him. In fact, I'd be reporting it to the police (101) in case there's ever been any other question mark over him.

Worrying about what's happened when you've been asleep previously - you will drive yourself crazy. Everything is possible, but hopefully unlikely. A std test might help put your mind at rest (a little)?

This man is not your friend and he is dangerous ,the mask has slipped and he's shown you who he is, believe him.
Block ....

That's appalling. I had a male friend say similar once, but we were 17! Hopefully, he knows better these days, as I can't imagine any grown man that I currently know expecting sex or a relationship as reward for being a friend.

Do not chase him. Don't apologise or try to appease. He's behaved atrociously.

I fckn hate this sort of shit. The amount of male friends that ended up coming on to me at some point. It really makes me keep blokes at arms length now, even ones I really do get on with.
I'm sorry your friend did this OP.

He then said "maybe i will wait until your asleep then climb in next you, you wouldnt know whats happening because your asleep" his response for some reason made me doubt his presence.

For the reason it was a threat to rape you.

You haven't done anything wrong, OP.

Cut him out.

Bloody hell 😳 what a creep! If I were you, I wouldn't want to see him or have him anywhere near me again.

You have known him for over 20 years. It's really shocking that he could abuse the friendship so badly. Has he been seeing you as something other than a friend all that time? How awful for you.

I think there is no recovering this i think.

Well his mask slipped, didn't it?

Why on earth did you try to carry on talking to him after he behaved like that?

I'd be really interested to know whether any women had complained to the police about him - he sounds dangerous.

Forget the godfather thing - I wouldn't have anything to do with him again.

What a horrible manipulative piece of work. You should consider him an ex friend

My god, how shocking 😳😳😳

What an animal, I'm so sorry.

Any past goodness of a friendship you once had is irrelevant, now. If this isn't a dealbreaker to you, you're naive and you don't have your own back. You're ignoring his warning shot and the next time, he might not miss. With you reaching out after his toxic behavior, he already sees you as a weak target.

Think of your child as a grown-up, or anyone else you love, being in the same position. Would you advise them to keep the friendship?

I talked to his brother earlier to try & explain about what happened last weekend (im good friends with the whole family) but unfortunately he got there first. He's told his family i was trying to entice him into my bed & when he refused I through a "bitch fit" & was screaming at him to get out of my house. He even went as far as saying to his mum that he was concerned for my mental state & was worried about my child being in my care. He told his mum he was considering calling my childs dad to express his concerns about my childs welfare. That is the final nail in the coffin because he knows my ex is not allowed contact with me or my child after we fled from him 18mths. We were rehoused due to the domestic abuse we had experienced from my ex & my so called friend knows all this because he supported me through the court case. I just cant believe 23yrs of friendship & thinking I knew & trusted him has come to this.

When you explained what really happened to his brother did he believe you?
Did his family believe his version of events?
What did they feel about him saying he would contact your abuser ?
Im sorry but he wasnt ever your friend and he is an abusive man.
Block delete him and his family for your safety and wellbeing.