It was my 40th birthday yesterday. I woke up with the baby, took her downstairs (school day for eldest) and DP had put up a banner that said happy birthday and some balloons, he bought me a box of chocolates that he usually buys me (£12) and handed me two cards, all good so far. Then he declared that he didn't do the babies card (14 months) so he got her to scribble in the card in front of me, again that's fine, I get it. Then he said he hasn't got me anything else because he didn't know what to get. Nothing from the kids, no cake (no suprise but again mentioned that he forgot) nothing.
It's upset me because I always put in so much effort into his gifts, I've kitted him out with art supplies, camera equipment, motorbike gear, random days during the year I'll get him something special, I get him thoughtful gifts from the children etc etc.
I didn't say anything at that point, just said thanks for the chocolates and kept a smile on but the longer the day went on the worse it got. I ended up taking myself out to a shopping centre and buying myself some flowers and a vase just so I had something. I sound really grabby but I'm really not, I never spend money on myself, I rarely complain about anything much and I certainly don't demand presents.
But this year I've had a tough time of it, I've done every single night with the baby on my own, most of the days too. You can probably tell where this is going. The admin, the kids, shopping, planning, driving etc etc. he goes to work and he works hard but then he comes home wrecked from his job and then goes out with the camera for hours. I barely see him and he's spent hours and hours looking at new camera lens', bought himself one and some other bits that probably cost upwards of £300 (not expensive for camera gear but we're also penny pinching atm) and he couldn't even be bothered to even try to get me something special?
It could have been a picture of the kids on a keyring or something. But nothing?
It came to a head last night, he kept asking me what was wrong so I told him, I told him I felt unseen, I was upset, that I just wanted to feel appreciated and loved for just one day, he got defensive, seemed to think that the banner was the effort required and bought up a gift he bought me 11 years ago as proof that he does make an effort?
This morning I've gone downstairs and he's taken the banner down and will barely acknowledge me other than to say how tired he is (he sleeps downstairs as the babies room is being renovated, he's dragged this out for over a year) so I've gone back to bed and left the baby with him for a while.
I don't even know why I've posted this. I know a lot of you think it's fine to not bother with birthdays but not even a token of affection on my 40th, is that really okay?
Sorry it's long, thank you if you read it.