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Relationships

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My husband will leave me if I take off the hijab.

356 replies

Lotusflowerbombx · 31/05/2026 23:46

I’ve been married and a revert/covert to Islam for 6 years now for, yes I did it for my husband but I was so blindly in love at the time theres not much I wouldn’t of done. 6 years on and 2 DC I’m questioning everything!! I always have tbh, I’ve spoke many times with my husband about the hijab and how I don’t want to wear it but he said he’ll leave me if I don’t. He’s very much practicing and prays 5x a day at the mosque and he believes I do too but half the time I’m not actually.. I do feel bad about it though that’s why I think do I believe in this religion? When I’m having a bad anxiety day I pray and it makes me feel better but soon as that days done I’m back to pretending :( I had a conversation with my husband the other day about if our daughter didn’t want to wear hijab when she’s older what would he do and his answer was he would wash his hands of her and I just catch fathom how a parent could be so cold.. I hate wearing the hijab I don’t feel free and if my daughter was in my position I would say get rid but I’m just so scared I’ll regret it, is losing love worth it to show my hair? In all other areas he’s great, he’s the best dad and always helping with house work.. if I could dress how I want I would never think about leaving him :( anyone been in a similar situation? I struggle to find anything relatable online

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
EasternStandard · 01/06/2026 09:24

LeftieRightsHoarder · 01/06/2026 09:20

Good points.

Yes good advice from @Genevieva, also concerning that women would be further trapped by that.

Cailin66 · 01/06/2026 09:28

Lotusflowerbombx · 01/06/2026 00:14

I wish it was that simple, I love him, the kids love him. Money will also be tight without him.

He doesn't love you if he's threatening to leave you over your clothing. Praying 5 times a day doesn't mean he's a devout man. Most of the people in my youth were complete religious hypocrites and many still are.

  • He's controlling you
  • He's controlling your daughters choices
  • He's no respect for your views or your choices
  • He has not given you the respect of a real marriage
  • A devout respectful man would respect the choices of another
  • He doesn't love you as he is threatening you to conform

If you're staying for the income he provides that up to you. But you're letting down now only yourself but your daughter too. Best of luck. Try and be strong if not for yourself than for your daughter.

fififrillyfolle · 01/06/2026 09:33

welpsin · 01/06/2026 00:22

He only values you if you cover your head, is that love?

I would argue no. Do you fear for your life leaving?

I really feel for you OP. I also think it's important that you set an example for your daughter. This is very controlling behaviour. Your daughter is going to feel the huge pressure to please her father and could adjust her clothing choice to do that. This instills a belief that a mans opinion on her clothing is more important than her own and her value is on whether she obeys the men. is that what you want?

Are there charities that can help you leave?

Yes. Please consider contacting the Humanists UK helpline. Whether you decide to continue in your Muslim faith or want advice on leaving, they have people to chat to who have been in similar situations and understand. It might help you explore your options.

https://humanists.uk/faith-to-faithless/
0800 448 0748

(NB - this is a service for EVERYONE who is having issues with high-control religious situations, you do not have to call yourself a 'humanist' to access it.)

Faith to Faithless

Faith to Faithless is Humanists UK’s support programme for people who have left high-control religious groups. These people are often called ‘apostates’. The service is led by apostates themselves, who have knowledge and experiences of apostate communi...

https://humanists.uk/faith-to-faithless/

DirtyGertiefromno30 · 01/06/2026 09:33

Take it off ! Take it off ! Take it off !
Seriously @Lotusflowerbombx where is your self respect and self esteem.
You can stand up for yourself or put up and shut up . Two choices .

DaisyChain505 · 01/06/2026 09:38

Lotusflowerbombx · 01/06/2026 00:14

I wish it was that simple, I love him, the kids love him. Money will also be tight without him.

How can you love someone who has said they would wash their hands of their own daughter just because she didn’t want to wear a certain item of clothing?

This isn’t a man who loves his family. It’s a man who wants to control and silence his family.

You using money as an excuse not to leave doesn’t wash either. I’d rather live under a bridge than stay with someone like this. Take your children and leave before this toxic man has anymore of an imprint on their lives and who they are as people.

Ringdingringdingbaa · 01/06/2026 09:39

People always say it's a choice for women but it isn't.
It really depends on where you are. Dh is from ME muslim country and about half of the younger under 40s in his family there don't wear hijab. 40+ only about like less than quarter, over 60 all do. Times are changing heavily in many places and there it is a choice

But Islam views and rules are really culturally dependent ime. What is acceptable to sunni from x area would be absolute no to sunni in y area. And that's not just about clothes.

Purplecatshopaholic · 01/06/2026 09:41

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 01/06/2026 00:03

If he can leave you over something so petty it’s not love. It’s control.

Take it off and walk away.

This. Sorry op. Dont this to your daughter, or yourself

Scarfitwere · 01/06/2026 09:42

'The biggest gift you could give your children especially a daughter is removing religion'

⬆️ this 100% as someone said above. Do yourself and your children a favour.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 01/06/2026 09:44

Lots of Muslims don’t wear it. If he can’t accept you not then it doesn’t sound like he is the right man for you but I get it’s difficult to leave. Don’t really have much advice but feel for you.

greencrab · 01/06/2026 09:45

I've gone backwards and forwards on wherever to post on this thread or not. I'll declare my bias, I am Muslim, converted, not highly religious but do wear hijab.

I think the hijab is a little bit of a red herring. It sounds like you are hugely questioning previous big life choices. I think you need to explore that and feel confident in your own decisions moving forward. Like another poster I think "pretending" to believe in a faith if you don't really and then raising children to believe in that faith is a far bigger issue than what you wear.

Would you have money to access some kind of counselling or even life coaching type support? I'm not sure that this could be properly addressed in a NHS talking therapies 6 session block type thing as you'd have to spend most of it explaining subtle cultural differences. Could you go away alone for a few days to gather all your thoughts (I'm reluctant to use the term retreat as it linked with becoming more religious but something focused on thought, quiet space and a bit of self care?)

ReyRey12 · 01/06/2026 09:48

LGBirmingham · 01/06/2026 09:22

I know 3 women who are Muslim and don't wear a hijab. One of whom recently moved from Saudi. They are all practicing at least to the extent that they celebrate all the festivals. I've no idea more than that as we haven't spoken about it.

One told me that the only requirement for ALL Muslims is to dress modestly, Men as well as women.

My MIL is muslim from Northern Africa. She said that she had not really seen hijabs on the streets until she moved to europe. A friend of mine from Lebanon was saying that she never wore one until she moved to Scandinavia as an adult (married with 2 kids) It made her feel closer to her religion. There are tons of muslims who are jusr culturally Muslim like i am culturally Christian. My next door neighbours Eid parties are fantastic and breaking every "rule" cause to them it is just a party and not religious.

Interfaith marriages are problematic if you are religious. There is a fundamental conflict that reflects on everything in the relationships. While i don't agree with the husband, it sounds like he has been consistent from the beginning?

BoredZelda · 01/06/2026 09:50

Khads94 · 01/06/2026 01:15

Fellow revert here!🖐 Can I just say that you wouldn't find a non-Muslim asking us muslims, marriage or religious advice, and there's good reason for that. Please don't be swayed by all the "leave him" "It's best for your daughter" nonsense from people who don't know you, your situation or what it's even like wearing the hijab.

Sister, I have been married for 10+ years, children of my own, and wear my hijab. Please message me if you need to speak privately. My inbox is open! I'd love to chat.

OP knows what it is like, and she wants to stop doing it.

Muslim, Catholic, Jewish or none, the advice to consider leaving a man who would disown you and your daughter for not doing what he wants you to do is not nonsense.

SignGrudgeBluebook · 01/06/2026 09:50

Besidemyselfwithworry · 01/06/2026 00:12

Take it off
take your children
and go

I agree with this but take care. The statistics regarding women that end up dead as a result of this sort of thing are eye watering.

If you are going to leave, your departure and arrangements will have to be extremely robust.

Stop talking to him about this and make plans. You are effectively alerting him you are seeing leaving as a possibility and that is not sensible.

diddl · 01/06/2026 09:52

but he is devout, and rightly or wrongly that comes with rules

So he can't follow those rules & leave Op to follow as she chooses?

Goditsmemargaret · 01/06/2026 09:52

I think there is no future. He is devout and you wearing the hijab and raising your daughter to do the same was an essential component of the marriage. But you only pretended to buy into it all.

It's sad because you love him but really and truly you cannot live a lie.

You will have to leave him.

anyolddinosaur · 01/06/2026 09:52

Doesnt sound to me that there is really much love in this marriage. He doesnt love you enough to give you the protection that comes with a legal marriage and you really dislike his faith, which is clearly an important part of who he is. You are incompatible. He values control over you more than he values you, you resent that he feels his wishes matter more than you.

Showing off my hair would not be that important to me that I would leave someone over it but I would never have pretended to share his faith and I'd have been quite determined that children could choose their own faith as adults.

If this is making you really unhappy then you need a plan to leave. You may not be able to do so immediately but dont have any other children, do get the best job you can, do start to save as much as you can.

tachetastic · 01/06/2026 09:53

I think faith is something that is deeply personal @Lotusflowerbombx. If you as an individual want to wear the hijab that should be your right, but it is not something that should be imposed on anyone against their will.

Unfortunately, to me it sounds like your relationship is not based on love and mutual respect, but on obediance. If your husband cannot understand that this is something important to you and support you in that, perhaps it is better in the long run if he does leave you. Then perhaps he can find someone who genuinely shares his views and you can find someone who will love you and respect you as a person and support your decisions.

Rachelshair · 01/06/2026 09:54

He sounds very "my way or the highway" OP and legally he's not your husband either? Are you financially self sufficient, or can you work towards that. If you're rethinking your faith and he is devout, your relationship may have run its course anyway regardless of you wearing the hijab. You don't have to explain Islam to anyone though, tell them to mimd their own business if they are questioning you. It's very rude of them to do that.

pouletvous · 01/06/2026 09:55

leave him for your daughters sake

do you want them to marry men like their father?

amber763 · 01/06/2026 10:01

Do you think your daughter will still love him when she is forced to wear a hijab when shes older? What if she was gay or wanted to marry a non Muslim. How do you think he'd react? Im sorry this is happening to you but you should leave him.

Cheese55 · 01/06/2026 10:02

Lotusflowerbombx · 01/06/2026 00:19

Yes UK thankfully. I do love him still but jsut can’t help but worry about the future, I’ve wore the hijab for 6 years and I still don’t love it, it’s made me insecure, I feel like when I talk to people about Islam I’m just constantly defending it and it’s draining.. I just want all this weight off my shoulders, deep down I know what I have to do but I’m weak without him, he’s my safe space and idk how I’ll cope without him.

What is lovable about him? He doesn't love you, he wants to control you which is not the same thing

Notsosweetcaroline · 01/06/2026 10:02

It’s really not on posters to agree or disagree with this religion.

The fact remains this is a hugely devout man, he is deeply religious he goes to the mosque and prays 5 times a day, his whole life, belief system and community, will be steeped in this way of life.

This is not it appears something new. The op knew full well when she converted, what she was getting into. And willingly did so.

the issue is now the honeymoon period has worn off and she’s realised what shes committed to, and it is not something she is comfortable with. There is absolutely no hope of him permitting her to effectively be visibly not practicing, and for him to remain with her. It will also not be an option for their daughter.

my grandparents home they lived in for about 50 years became a very Muslim community, it appeared the whole town was bought by Muslims, most women wore the burqa or niqab, she was the only non Muslim I ever saw id say in the last decade or so,driving in and out and going to the shops.

it was a lovely community, everyone was very kind and looked out for her, and of course when she passed her home sold for much more than its estimated value as many Muslims competed to buy it to live in the area. I had notes through the door, approached at her funeral etc, to the extent the solicitor had to take it over and deal with it, when my grandparents bought there was little to no Muslim presence, but over the decades it evolved. It was only the women who approached me personally. Never the men.

the upshot was I was often in the area, spoke to many of her female neighbours, was in their homes, as they often cooked for her, as she was very elderly, saw them without their burqas, their hijabs,their niqabs, and learned something of their lives.

for a non Muslim woman as I am it’s very very hard to comprehend how someone not raised in this culture can willingly sign up for it. But the fact is she knew and signed up for this, and if she removed her hijab,she is to all extents and purposes leaving the union. It amounts to the same thing, and so she needs to prepare for what that entails.

This is not do it and he will change his mind. She needs to leave. And she needs to get her self in order to understand what he will do in relation to the kids, how he will treat her, it is not going to be like leaving a non devout Muslim relationship.

stargirl27 · 01/06/2026 10:04

Lotusflowerbombx · 31/05/2026 23:46

I’ve been married and a revert/covert to Islam for 6 years now for, yes I did it for my husband but I was so blindly in love at the time theres not much I wouldn’t of done. 6 years on and 2 DC I’m questioning everything!! I always have tbh, I’ve spoke many times with my husband about the hijab and how I don’t want to wear it but he said he’ll leave me if I don’t. He’s very much practicing and prays 5x a day at the mosque and he believes I do too but half the time I’m not actually.. I do feel bad about it though that’s why I think do I believe in this religion? When I’m having a bad anxiety day I pray and it makes me feel better but soon as that days done I’m back to pretending :( I had a conversation with my husband the other day about if our daughter didn’t want to wear hijab when she’s older what would he do and his answer was he would wash his hands of her and I just catch fathom how a parent could be so cold.. I hate wearing the hijab I don’t feel free and if my daughter was in my position I would say get rid but I’m just so scared I’ll regret it, is losing love worth it to show my hair? In all other areas he’s great, he’s the best dad and always helping with house work.. if I could dress how I want I would never think about leaving him :( anyone been in a similar situation? I struggle to find anything relatable online

I think the hijab is a personal choice so there's little point in wearing it if it does not mean something to you. I think the majority of Muslim women in England do not wear it (anecdotal as I'm not sure on facts, but much of my family are Muslim so I do speak from experience).

Can the two of you have some kind of counselling, perhaps with an imam, to work through this? I think it would be sad if your husband let your marriage end over this.

Also, not sure on your financial situation, but if you aren't away nikkah isn't legally recognised in England & Wales (unless it was performed in a foreign jurisdiction where it is legally recognised) so your rights would be different if you were to divorce.

Cheese55 · 01/06/2026 10:05

greencrab · 01/06/2026 09:45

I've gone backwards and forwards on wherever to post on this thread or not. I'll declare my bias, I am Muslim, converted, not highly religious but do wear hijab.

I think the hijab is a little bit of a red herring. It sounds like you are hugely questioning previous big life choices. I think you need to explore that and feel confident in your own decisions moving forward. Like another poster I think "pretending" to believe in a faith if you don't really and then raising children to believe in that faith is a far bigger issue than what you wear.

Would you have money to access some kind of counselling or even life coaching type support? I'm not sure that this could be properly addressed in a NHS talking therapies 6 session block type thing as you'd have to spend most of it explaining subtle cultural differences. Could you go away alone for a few days to gather all your thoughts (I'm reluctant to use the term retreat as it linked with becoming more religious but something focused on thought, quiet space and a bit of self care?)

It's not a red herring because it is a symbol of oppression

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