Am I overreacting about my partner’s attitude to our growing family?

[FTMLyReGr]

Looking for advice -
My partner and I have a 2 year old, and he is not happy that I am pregnant again (with twins, it was unplanned and very unexpected), and when he was told said it was a massive mistake and that it will ruin our daughter’s life.
He’s not saying things like that anymore. But there are a few things I’m quite concerned about going forward - he works 16 hours a week and thinks it’s acceptable to live off of his inheritance (which is not of a meaningful size, and won’t help our children much when they are older), has no intention of working more to help cover the costs while I’m off on maternity. And he is resisting clearing the spare room for the twins, insisting he needs his own space for his exercise bike, a TV, games consoles and a desk. I can respect the need for your own space, and I have suggested using some of his inheritance for an outbuilding, but he does not want to do this. There is no space in the rest of the house for his things, as downstairs is open planned, and a lot of space is taken up by children’s things.
He also sleeps on a sofa bed rather than in our bed, and doesn’t want to eat dinner with us. It doesn’t feel like much of a partnership at all to be honest. Do you think these are big issues, or am I blowing it out of proportion?

Surely you must realise these are absolutely massive issues.

It sounds like he's mentally and physically checked out of family life and doesn't want to be a part of it any longer.

Are you married? It doesn't sound like it given you refer to him as your partner, which puts you in a very difficult position if( when) you split up.

But I'm afraid to say if he's like this when you're pregnant it won't improve when there are 3 children. Prepare yourself to be a single parent.

No I don't think they're big issues.

They're massive issues.

You're pregnant with twins and not only does your partner not want them, he wants to take absolutely no responsibility to accommodate them.

All I’ll say is it will be easier parenting alone with him gone, rather than parenting alone with him in the house actively making your life harder.

Whose house is it? Because chances are you will be a single mum sooner than later and you’ll get very little CS and you aren’t married.

Big issues. This is destined to fail sorry to say OP

Im sure ive read a very similar thread to this not long ago.

This.

You need to start thinking like a single mum. How can you gather cash or start buying things you will need?

Why does he only work 16 hours? Do you work? If not you need to start.

The first job is to secure your housing.

Off he fucks then. I'd choose single parenthood over him.

Plan for life as a single mum. Having brought up 3 DCs without a shitty husband around, I can assure you it’s not only possible, but preferable to doing it with someone in tow who doesn’t want to be there.

I would have said that being unmarried puts you in a tricky position, but honestly this man brings very little to the table so you’re best off not being financially and legally tied to him.

Sort out your housing situation without him, apply for top up benefits as a single working mum, apply for child support from him for your current child and plan for a life without this millstone dragging you and your DCs down.

I'm sorry OP. He's useless and I don't think he's going to stick around. He seems more like a single, teenager rather than an adult with responsibilities.

How pregnant are you?

This is horribly blunt but you are very likely to end up a single parent. Could you cope with a 2 year old and baby twins? It's a bloody big ask for anyone.

You need to establish what support you might have from wider family. You potentially need to consider ending the pregnancy while I know would be heartbreaking.

I'm sorry you are in this situation.

I'd say he's already half way out the door. Sorry OP but I think you should prepare for solo parenting and get some support in place for when you have the babies. You can't rely on him 😔

I cannot think of a single reason to stay with such a failure of a man.

Going from one child to three is huge. Twins are very hard work. But he should be stepping up and he just isn't.

If you continue with this pregnancy you will b a single parent of three.

If you don't, you'll be a single parent of one.

He's checked out. It's not just a big deal, it's immense.

I'm sorry OP, if anything you are under- reacting. He's not ready to be a parent of one child, never mind three.

I wouldn’t put up with that OP.

I would have let the initial comments slide as parents do tend to worry about new baby’s affecting the current children and I know many women who have panicked before they give birth.

But him not cleaning the room out is beyond acceptable and I don’t think I’d ever be able to get over it.

He doesn’t respect you and you cannot be with someone who doesn’t respect you.

Sorry op but he wants out. Sounds like he’s getting ready to leave so kick the deadbeat out now.

Who owns the house OP?

I dont think he wanted kids.

Exactly. Huge issues. How could anyone think otherwise?

This. Yet another bone idle, freeloading man who thinks the world owes him a living. He's certainly not a team player, is he.

Honestly OP, you will be better off without him.

So where does he expect the twins to go? he sounds like an entitled spoilt manchild

Yeah these are massive issues. He’s a selfish twat and not interested in being a family or supporting you and his children.
I’d rather be a single parent.

In what way could you possibly be "blowing things out of proportion"?

He's clear that he doesn't want the two babies you're expecting. You neither sleep together nor eat together, and he won't communicate with you.

Is there a reason he works part time?

Thanks everyone for your responses. We are 50/50 owners of our house, not married.
And I’m nearly 23 weeks pregnant. Needless to say, I’m progressing with the pregnancy.
I do work, 27.5 hours a week, but obviously I’ll have to stop soon for a bit.
He has only worked 16 hours since undergoing brain surgery 3 years ago, and has felt like he doesn’t need to return to work full time etc.
I guess I’ve just been clinging to hope that this situation would make him change, and the prospect of leaving is such a big change it’s quite daunting. And I know it’s a bit selfish, but the prospect of not having my daughter with me (because when we’ve had discussions about how bad things are he’s informed me he’d go for 50/50 custody) is terrifying.