Am I overreacting about my partner’s attitude to our growing family?

[FTMLyReGr]

Looking for advice -
My partner and I have a 2 year old, and he is not happy that I am pregnant again (with twins, it was unplanned and very unexpected), and when he was told said it was a massive mistake and that it will ruin our daughter’s life.
He’s not saying things like that anymore. But there are a few things I’m quite concerned about going forward - he works 16 hours a week and thinks it’s acceptable to live off of his inheritance (which is not of a meaningful size, and won’t help our children much when they are older), has no intention of working more to help cover the costs while I’m off on maternity. And he is resisting clearing the spare room for the twins, insisting he needs his own space for his exercise bike, a TV, games consoles and a desk. I can respect the need for your own space, and I have suggested using some of his inheritance for an outbuilding, but he does not want to do this. There is no space in the rest of the house for his things, as downstairs is open planned, and a lot of space is taken up by children’s things.
He also sleeps on a sofa bed rather than in our bed, and doesn’t want to eat dinner with us. It doesn’t feel like much of a partnership at all to be honest. Do you think these are big issues, or am I blowing it out of proportion?

His own hobby room even though it's needed for the twins bedroom, sleeping on the sofa, not eating meals with you, playing with his daughter two days a week but no bath time bedtime, meals, getting her ready in the mornings. This sounds more like a teenager helping out with their baby sister than a partner or father!

Decide what you want, if you want to split you don't need to explain or justify it to him, I very much doubt he would go for 50/50 custody as that will involve him doing a lot more on his days off than he currently does, especially when the twins are ready to stay with him too.

Your husband is a dead weight over your shoulders. Get rid of him, you will be better without him. You don't have to do it now. Take your time, prepare yourself and kick him off the kerb. That is what I would do.

Given he feels so strongly that this is a massive mistake and will ruin your daughters life, what was he doing to actively prevent a pregnancy occurring?

So you have a man child not a husband. Seems like he is playing the role of big brother to his daughter not parent and loving and supportive partner.
Fair enough that he was not over the moon about the unplanned pregnancy and all the upcoming years of change and responsibility that comes with. It was probably a shock and a lot to come to terms with; It isn’t a situation either of you planned but now have to accept.

However, you say he has got over the shock and come to terms with it, has he really or do you think he might be behaving like this as a way of pushing back at you?

Seems like he is living the life of a teenage boy rather than an adult.
I hope he grows up, bonds with his new offspring and makes efforts to support his family properly but sadly your marriage is not in a good place at the moment, prepare to go it alone if necessary. 💐

I would not bring more children into the world with this man.

Note. He will not actually do 50/50, particularly if it is "all of them or none of them"

Bit late now.

If he can't make an effort now then he won't do 50/50.

This man is not worth your time. You should exit this relationship but do it strategically, keep him in the dark and work everything to your advantage as much as you can.

I’m sorry but it already sounds like you’re a single parent … and his threat to apply for 50/50 if you separate is just that! He doesn’t want to step up and be a decent partner and father when you’re ’together’, he’s hardly going to do it when you’re apart.

I'm sorry to say this but I have to agree with ExOptimist.

OP says she's terrified of DP going for joint custody - he's had brain surgery and seemingly can't work more than 16 hours a week. It's pretty obvious the kind of person he is. I'd be building my case against his delulu arse. I'd be seeking 100% custody and contribution to child care. Buy him out of the house and he can use the proceeds for his children.

@Mumtobabyhavoc That all depends if OP has the funds to buy him out?