Do women really rule out average height men, or is it online talk?

[Uravinalaugh]

My younger step brother who is 19 [I am male btw], told me that women only want to date much taller men, he's roughly the same height as me, 5'7 [5'9 in thicker soled trainers lol], and is very introvert and hasn't had any dating experience, he has a few friends and I have noticed girls in the past being nice to him/liking him when I have seen him socializing. I was aware of this height bias which shows up quite a lot online and on social media, even here on mumsnet I have seen dating related threads where many women appear to be very dismissive of dating shorter men [used to nose sometimes using my OHs old account ,she didn't mind ahaha]

Because of this, I have been noticing often when I am out in public the heights of men to see if this is true, and it very clearly isn't. Last weekend I went to a well known seaside town for the day, due to the weather it was packed so millions of people and I would say literally the amount of couples of all ages where the man was average/slightly shorter than average height was the majority, it very clearly isn't the case that most women are not attracted to men below 6ft, 5ft10 or whatever. I myself have also never had a huge issue dating in the past, I never even knew I was particularly short until seeing this height related stuff online, and where women are concerned my height has never been mentioned

Was curious if this is only me that's noticed this, I think it could be more of a gen z thing than millenial and above? I'm not sure, but it definitely doesn't seem to match up with what I have seen with my own eyes in real life, have tried to reassure step bro that his height is fine, I think his parents have too, but don't seem to be able to convince him

My late husband was probably about 5ft 6. I was a smidgen off 5ft 9 when we met. (I've shrunk three quarters of an inch, I think.)

I think "relative" height preferences make sense to me, but "absolute" ones are bizarre. For example, woman wants man to be taller... fine. 5'1 woman won't entertain dating a man under 6'3.... really odd to me. But each to their own.

I think most women (me included pre marriage) are happy to date men of all heights. They just don't like being lied to about a man's height on dating sites.

5' 7" is plenty. Short men are way better lovers.

You see the abusive wallys a lot of women end up with on here, it’s crazy to think height is one of the deal breakers.

I prefer tall men if I’m honest but I’m only 5’4”
and have dated men who were 5’9” ish and they seemed tall to me!
I certainly wouldn’t rule out a man I really liked just because he was 5’7”

I've just remembered the phrase "it's all the same when you're lying down" 😁

Okay 😆

Do you get a tape measure out when you go on dates? Or can you tell the different between 5'11 and 6' by eye?

Between 5’5 to 6’ 6 here.

Don’t let him go down the ‘females want 6, 6, 6’ slippery slope, because Andrew Tate is waiting to catch them.

I read today that for the first time in history women can choose who to marry without considering land, family wishes, cousins, earning power etc. Women can earn their own money, buy their own house, marry out of family wishes etc.

I want humour, honesty, confidence, interesting conversation, and kindness.

And tell him to never lie about his height. I’ve not seen people a second time purely because of lies.

I find it odd that (apparently) so many women who are short/ average height are so bothered about this (I mean for some it will be some random individual preference but the prevalence seems odd amongst those for whom men of 5’8 or 5’9 would still be much taller than they are).

I do think it is understandable that many women who are say 5’10” or 5’11” or 6’0” want to find a man the same height as them or ideally slightly taller. If you are 5’11” and dating a man who is 5’7” then if you wear shoes with even 3” heels you’ll be 7” taller than him and so it can make people feel self-conscious.

In some cases this is because a certain proportion of unfortunately vocal short men have a complex about their height and therefore try to make women who are taller than them feel uncomfortable with unpleasant comments, which can make those women who are repeatedly subjected to this feel self-conscious and insecure about their height when actually being tall makes them look much better objectively, hence models mostly being very tall. However, as a result of being on the receiving end of such comments from men with a Napeleon complex attempting to belittle them (ha!) to soothe their own egos, some taller women may feel uncomfortable having a much shorter boyfriend.

I also think PPs are correct that when people meet naturally it’s perhaps less of an issue because in that situation initial impressions of whether this is someone you are attracted to and decisions on whether you’d consider dating them are more heavily weighted towards chemistry, personality, intellect etc. Online dating is a very unnatural way to meet people and tends to reduce things to a checklist of criteria that wouldn’t apply if people had first met in person, just to try to filter through the bombardment of messages. Perhaps more nuanced ways to do this filtering will be developed in time, splitting criteria between “nice to haves” and “essentials” or, even better, OLD will be largely abandoned and people will return to primarily meeting in person.

Is it shallow for men to have physical preferences in a partner, or is it only shallow when women do it?

Maybe that difference is MASSIVE, REALLY BIG.

An entire inch innit?

Like, two half inches put together.

Lots of people, male and female, respond weirdly to taller people, especially taller women. It's like they experience some kind of very primal hierarchy anxiety and their monkey brain takes over.

Wherever you are finding this 'filter out men under 6ft' stuff online, you need to do what everyone needs to do with online information, and assume that it is a misogynistic crock of shit take it with a massive pinch of salt.

I prefer men who are the same height as me or shorter. I feel intimidated by taller men. Don't know why!

This is something that occurred me recently too, its pretty much impossible to tell the exact height of someone just by looking at them, a one inch difference isn't noticeable without very close scrutinization or using a tape measure, I think most people can easily get away with lying about there height by one or maybe two inches ahaha

It’s none of your business tbh, my height is irrelevant. Didn’t realise we only had to date people the “same” as us

There’s preferences and there’s preferences.

I like dark hair. I know that’s my liking and it’s not a hard and fast rule. If I had a dark haired partner and he went bald that would not concern me in the slightest. If I had a partner with long blonde hair like Sam the spaceman that would be amazing!

I think those with shallow desires find each other. The six pack shrinks a bit, the waist fills out, the hair falls out, the thighs wobble. If that’s all you have in common, there’ll be nothing left.

Yes, I agree - I've found that for most couples the man is the same height as the woman or only a few inches taller, unless she's under 5'4 or so. Couples where the man is markedly taller are less common, probably because tall men are statistically less common. So obviously shorter or average height men don't have an issue finding relationships.

But there are some women who do prefer tall men - I'm one of them. I'm 5'8, and I've always dated men that are at least half a head taller than me, with my husband of two decades being 6'3. I just find height to be one of the physical aspects I have preferences about.

Where do the lies end?

I’m 5 11” so 6 ft is really my minimum. I do think men lie a lot on dating apps so the bloke who claims he’s 6ft is often 5 9” plus thick soles which is apparently close enough?

Perhaps if men didn't stretch the truth so much women would be more open to shorter guys. I tend to say 6 2”+ to weed out the 5 10”ers

Yes, I’ve noticed this, from both men and women. It’s odd.

I wonder if it is related to some innate subconscious awareness of the things shown in research in recent decades, about how taller people are more financially and socially successful, etc. Maybe some innate sense of this and therefore seeing taller people as a threat drives this random hostility that many taller people experience from some of the shorter ones? It would be an interesting topic for academic research.

Someone going on a first date with someone should be trying to impress them. Lying isn’t a good start, particularly a lie that will either be immediately exposed or exposed as time goes on.

If you have to lie to get someone to go on a date with you, and are prepared to do so, that’s not a good sign!

It also is very obvious because everybody knows their own height so if they stand next to some who claims to be 2” taller than them and they’re actually an inch or two smaller they don’t need a tape measure to notice this.

I once met a man from OLD for coffee and noticed that he was only a couple of inches taller than (5 feet 2) me. Claimed he was 5 feet 11 on his profile. I didn't see him again.
Short men are absolutely fine , dishonest ones are not.

I agree, I think real life social interactions are where things like height preference can be challenged by personality and chemistry, and getting to know someone beyond physical characteristics, especially when its over a prolonged period