Should 50/50 custody be the default after separation and divorce?

[RatsRatsRatss]

What would you say were the reasons a parent doesn’t see much of their child after separation and divorce? Why do you think this happens? Would you judge a parent who doesn’t see much of their kid?

Do you believe (abuse/neglect/deadbeat parents) aside that the default after divorce should be 50/50 custody? Should a child have a right to a relationship with both parents after separation?

interested to hear what everyone’s opinions are.

I actually think 50/50 is the worst possible arrangement for the children and focuses far too much on what's "fair" for the parents.

I agree with this.

Especially when new partners are introduced into the dynamics.

You only have to look at the step parenting threads.....

I'm a solo mum. Yes, I've had relationships but never brought them to my house.

I don’t agree that it should be based on what it was pre split. Often one parent takes up parenting one takes up providing money and post separation that change ms so one needs to start more parenting the other start providing more income

50:50 generally works well where parents live close by?m, co parent well, if not ‘friends’ are at least friendly or civil , are flexible, etc and child’s lives not overly disrupted / ie still go to all parties/sports etc
50:50 doesn’t work if parents can’t do that
if they live a way from each other dragging child away half the time, leaving them away from
friends, missing out on invites, or weekly sports etc is terrible for the child. And in those cases I’d say 50:50 is not the right solution ( and maybe not even eow)

This is just another sweeping statement that assumes that one approach is right for every single child and situation.

I don’t think 50:50 is necessarily best for the DC, and I’m profoundly grateful that when I got divorced, the presumption was that younger DC would stay with their DM and older children could choose. Had it been otherwise, my ex would have used it as a huge stick to beat me with. I would totally agree that DC should have contact with both parents, but too often, a strict 50:50 really isn’t in the DC’s best interests, and it can be particularly unsettling for younger children. All too iften, it seems to boil down to money - the DF doesn’t actually want the DC half the time, but agrees in order to avoid paying maintenance. I’ve seen it happen, and it’s always the DC who lose out.

Why the hell should 50/50 be the default when most men have never, ever picked up 50% of parenting/childcare before???

They view looking after their own children as 'babysitting' or 'helping', and usually greatly grudge having to do so at any time.

They flatly refuse to take time off work for child sickness or appointments for the kids e.g dentist/hospital/GP/school etc

They don't even usually know who their kids teachers are, what time drop off's & pick up's are, what after school activities & clubs they have and how to arrange/pay for them, they don't know where the kids dentist is, when the next check up is due, or even who the kids dentist even IS ffs !

They have never bought school uniforms or summer/winter clothes for their kids and wouldn't have a clue when new clothing was needed, or which clothes the kids have outgrown.

They don't shop for the groceries for packed lunches and wouldn't have a clue about which kid ate what fgs, never mind what to buy and cook for main meals for the kids !

Yet they think that 50/50 is preferable, because it saves them money ! They STILL don't do the aforementioned, they just leave it for the Mother to continue doing all that stuff, while they either play Disney Dad or leave their kids in front of screens when they have them!

50/50 is simply what Dad's want, because it's a kick in the teeth to the Mother & it's cheap. It's the worst case scenario for the poor kids.

So why let them get off without doing any of that?

My ex has dc for about 135 nights a year that includes 2 weeknights and 1 weekend s month (sometimes 6 weeks between weekends) he has 10 nights a month and tends to do some school holidays. Its a lot more than it used to be but not 50/50 and honestly neither me and DC would want that.

I spend more than the £17 pounds a day maintenance I get on my son every day. I would much rather we split expenses like nursery and food shop and scooter bike etc but it’s all me that buys it. I would work more earn more and spend much less on my child and have a much better social and love life if we did 5050 but in don’t do that it because it’s not right for my child

millymollymoomoo
I don’t agree that it should be based on what it was pre split. Often one parent takes up parenting one takes up providing money and post separation that change ms so one needs to start more parenting the other start providing more income

This is actually a good point-one at home with child more days a week and one working long hours as principal bread earner then not totally fair to say one out of house should only get to see the child the way the other says. My mum was mostly a sahm, had my parents broken up and I not seen my dad my heart would have been broken

Exactly, every dollar of the child support I receive goes on the basics: extra food, power, water, clothing they use by being at my house the additional days over 50/50.

People seem not to grasp that child support is not “higher income”, it’s literally just covering the non-resident parent’s equal share of costs during the days they would have them under a 50/50 arrangement.