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Advice on ex-husband asking me back then dumping me

79 replies

Naya205 · Yesterday 11:40

Hi everyone I’d really appreciate some advice. I’m a divorced mum of 2 & my ex husband has been begging me back for a while promising he’s changed. I decided to give him a chance & we were trying to make it work in a long distance relationship.
We were planning to live together soon but I wanted to see if he could be trusted & had really changed. Then suddenly at Christmas he dumped me & said he wanted to be alone. Two months later he begged me back only to do the same thing & dump me now after 4 months back together.

He swears he’s not dating anyone else he’s just stressed with work but every time we argue he says he has women chasing him & if I leave him he will move on & send me pictures. I had enough disrespect so dumped him finally last Thursday. He has sent a text apologizing and called a few times but I’m ignoring them. He says he loves me yet the next minute he shouts at me & dumps me. I am going no contact because I can’t do this anymore but I’m totally heartbroken & confused. Does anyone have any experience of a similar situation or any idea on why he’s behaving like this? Any opinions would help thank you so much

OP posts:
Naya205 · Today 18:08

Knowledgesymbols · Today 17:37

Been through similar but lost my trust in him so ended the relationship for my own sanity. I too, unreasonably, was concerned how I would be affected if he met someone else and couldn't understand why I felt like that as I didn't want him. I knew he would be lovely with a new person at first. I also knew that he would be the same controlling person he had been with me too, eventually. He won't change OP.

He's used you, manipulated you and disrespected you. Don't let him have this power over you anymore. Take away his power, replace it with your stronger power. You're not alone, you have 2 daughters.

Thanks a lot, totally agree

OP posts:
Aabbcc1235 · Today 18:08

If he’s the sort of man who doesn’t see or support his kids, he’s not the sort of man who you want to date!

Naya205 · Today 18:26

Aabbcc1235 · Today 18:08

If he’s the sort of man who doesn’t see or support his kids, he’s not the sort of man who you want to date!

He wants to see the kids but he’s currently working abroad. He was a terrible husband but a hands on father so I’ll credit him with that lol. He’s not supporting them financially at the moment as he’s in a lot of debt but obviously he should be

OP posts:
InfoSecInTheCity · Today 19:48

Naya205 · Today 17:22

He’s just told my daughter (she’s 13) on the phone today that he loves me & has no one else & just wants to remarry & for us to be a family again. Yet he’s not contacted me today yet he told my daughter he plans to text me for the last time today as I haven’t responded all week.She asked him if that means he plans to leave me alone for good after that & he said no but doesn’t plan to make more effort than this. Apparently he thinks I don’t love him. It’s clear he’s totally insane & he’s in for a shock if he thinks he’ll ever hear from me again lol

You need to be careful about this perception of him “hes totally insane”. He isn’t, he’s figured out what works on you and he’s doing it. It’s calculated, it’s manipulative, but he can only manipulate you if you let him. This is the equivalent of a toddler who’s parent gives him chocolate to stop a tantrum, he learns that if he wants chocolate he just has to scream and shout a bit.

He has learnt that if he sends you a load of texts you’ll eventually reply and if you reply he can hook you back in, if he drags your kids into it that you’ll reply to get him to stop and then he can hook you back in, if he threatens to stop you’ll lose your nerve and reply and then he can hook you back in.

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