How can a man in his 40s meet women offline?

[Cheshireguy]

As per title I am a male in my 40's I have a none social brain so I find it hard to meet the opposite sex, tried online dating but got nowhere the sites seem empty to me. So moving away from online dating how do I meet women? Either casual no strings or something long term I am open to both, life is too short to be on your own

This this and this.

I met DH at a running club (The Hash House Harriers- they are pretty much everywhere in the world). He was 50.

Good luck.

Also- look at your facebook community things. Near us we have a Thursday casual walking group for people who just want to get out to a local forest. It's not a dating thing, it's a get together thing. You will for sure have similar - swimming / cycling / whatever.

A friend of my mother's (in her 70s) is mad about travel. She has been on a few singles travel tours - in fact she is currently in China right now. She hasn't found romance but has made some very good friends.

Or try new things- I'm going to a bee keeping day in a few weeks- it's for a friend's birthday, but we will be 3 of a group of 9. I gave DH a foraging experience for his 70th and he made a good friend from that (again, not romance, but that wasnt what he was looking for).

Some are. A friend of mine is in one that he says is essentially walk dating. The more established members are a bit tired of it because often you never see either person again — date goes well, therefore they drop out because now they’re in a relationship and don’t need the club, or date goes badly/new relationship breaks down, and both people avoid the club in case they run into one another. They joke about banning singles unless they vow celibacy.

Next time I speak with Jonathan Palmer I will tell him how boring he is as he climbs up into his four million pound (not rented) Bell helicopter 👌

Yes, I agree but I only mention it because OP may not even be aware of it himself.

There you go again. That’s why you’re single. Owning a helicopter doesn’t make you interesting, and if you think it does, you have some very odd ideas about relationships.!

Do you work op?

I met DH at work. He is ten years older, but I think work is a good way to spend time with and get to know someone, without too much social pressure. We found out we shared quite a few hobbies (gaming, pc building, 3D modelling etc.).

We would never have gotten together otherwise, we are both introverts!

Work was how a lot of people used to meet, and since WFH those opportunities have really dried up. Most other social settings have the expectation that you instantly click and that's where relationships start, instead of the old-fashioned way where they develop over time.

I would say go to singles events, but the recent ones I've been to there have been a lot of people lying about their age (by about 15-20 years, both sexes do it) and their gender too (women buying the men's tickets because the women's tickets have sold out).

So a new man at the events would be welcome!

Truck fest is awesome I go to the Donington track every year sadly some members on here would not like it. Its full of monosyllabic boring, pork pie eating Yorkie demolishing low intelligence low brow people 😂

But that's the point OP. Not everyone would like it but those that do will be there so you are more likely to find people with the same interests. Do you talk to people when you are there?

Well, assuming some of them are female, presumably there’s your ideal woman?

Do you have friends? I think this is a very important question and it’s been asked but not answered.

And BTW I broke up with someone incredibly successful (rich) just before meeting (at the time unemployed) DH. A helicopter isn’t anything special. Being funny, and kind, and interesting, and lots of other qualities. Beats helicopter any time.

Hobbies men I’ve met have had. Cricket, rugby, surfing. Crystals, weekends away, fishing, trucks (remote controlled). Out of any of those I can’t see that many women being interested, maybe the crystals. Meet up social groups are a good idea. Before I met my boyfriend I went to a tribute night at a local pub and got chatting to a few men my age (I’m 54). I wouldn’t want to meet someone drunk.

Ceroc

If.you try and go where women are it doesn't help at all. I like musicals and opera and I see plenty.of women there but they either think there's something wrong with you or your gay and you haven't come out yet. "Youd be really nice if you weren't gay" I get.

Down the pub on a weekend its a nightmare. Since I started working out three times a week its actually got worse. I stay away from busy pubs, just not worth it.

Some women will be there absolutely hammered, throwing up in a corner. I say it again why bother ?

Well, I’d guess pubs, hobby clubs, or perhaps persevere with OLD?

I have no idea who Jonathan Palmer is, presumably some rich bloke.

It's clear from your responses that you have decided that women are only interested in money. Why did you even come here and post your question?

PPs have given you loads of suggestions of things to think about, things women are or aren't interested in. We don't sugar- coat the message, take it or leave it.

Women are very interested in money. Lanky, loaded and loud, and by 40+ you should naturally have no baggage whatsoever.

If he doesn't pick you up in a Bentley, let him down gently. After all, Jack Reacher is out there.

Dating sites or speed dating. At least there everyone (in theory) is single and looking to date.

Maybe you are setting your sights to high (like Roy cropper from Corrie chasing Jennifer Aniston)?

My issue with social groups is that there is a huge amount of luck needed. Yes, people do meet like that but thats more through luck and fortune.

You are 40s, let's say mid 40s. 45. If that was me I would be looking something in the 38-48 range. A lot of people at said groups will be outside that. Of those that are, most will be married/relationship. You then get lucky and there are 2 women of 40 who are single. They may not be looking for anything or just not be your or their types. Am not saying dont pursue that but I would say you have more chance on Hinge/Bumble than going to a rambling meet or a classic car event.

But, as a guy who has been on the dating scene over the last 3 years it is hard. You read on here about women wanting a nice guy but it's been hard for me to get dates. Maybe they just get hundreds of likes and I fall through the nest, but am emotionally there, no Brad Pitt but no Roy Cropper, Good career/house/teeth/hair etc and a wide range of interests, sense of humour, can carry a conversation, like 'bloke things' like football and beer but also into shopping and baking. Your profile needs to be very strong with good pics to have a chance

No, ND people are generally interesting.

Friends wise I am still close and in contact (100% plutonic) with both of my exes in fact I take one of my exes shopping as she doesn't have a car and I don't want her taking the bus. I took a break form motorcycles 12 months ago as I have managed to survive 24 years riding on UK roads... statistics were telling me I did not want to end up in an accident in my 40's. So my male friends I used to ride with do meets and stuff have tailed off, I still have one very good friend though.

Family wise its a bit embarrassing cut a long story short I don't have any family other than two older brothers, none of us are in contact or close at all. My "father" was an absolute text book example of borderline personality disorder so as you can imagine my family was and is totally dysfunctional. All down to him unfortunately, I have gone through life making sure I am nothing like him.

I have carefully read everyone's comments and I am listening and it has given me a much needed kick up the arse. Although I need to change what I said about being "none social" to introverted as far as I am aware its not a crime to be introverted. Like I say I have blue eyes and can do nothing to change it like being introverted but I will make more of an effort not let it beat me.

I agree about the helicopter 98% of the comments have been useful and well meaning I got a bit bottom twitchy and reacted to the 2% that have been toxic. Stems from my father I try to avoid toxic people as much as I can, its your actions in life that count sometimes people say things they don't mean 😊

Is there a reason she doesn’t want to take the bus?

Asking as a Londoner who goes everywhere on public transport - I can imagine buses might be less convenient in Cheshire but still, curious.

Although I need to change what I said about being "none social" to introverted as far as I am aware its not a crime to be introverted. Like I say I have blue eyes and can do nothing to change it like being introverted but I will make more of an effort not let it beat me.

@Cheshireguy Between 50-57% of the population are introverts according to stats online.

You are far from alone!
Stop sticking that label on yourself.
Introverts need time alone to recharge their batteries.
Extroverts get their energy from being with other people.

If you mean you have poor social skills, can't make conversation 1:1 easily, are unable to form close relationships and 'give' of yourself, that is something different.

You can't change your eye colour. But you can change how you behave and relate to people. If you really do want a relationship, you have to make the effort to get out and meet them.

I think someone else asked if you really do want a relationship or is it the idea of one that's pulling you?

When you say your ex's- are these long term girlfriends you keep in touch with?
Just curious!

She doesn't, you know. She's pointing out that people - male and female - are attracted to others who will enhance their life in someway. Could be a positive energy, kindness and generosity, a brilliant compatible sense of humour, shared interests, values or ambitions.

It really is worth thinking what qualities you have that are appealing, and finding ways to show them or make use of them in social situations where you might meet women.

To answer the OP's question briefly: don't.

There are a few good people out there, but the juice ain't worth the squeeze. Most people will only add extra stress to your life, and the effort you spend trying to find someone who doesn't is probably better spent focusing on the things you enjoy and that bring you happiness - as this thread proves, people can be very judgemental about that, so why bother?

There's so much more to life than 'meeting' someone or being with someone. Value your peace and independence, and if that fails...get a dog.