Considering divorce after years of my husband's financial scam losses

[KatherineD]

My husband is 80, I'm 73.
For the last 7 years he has been a victim of a financial scam. He has lost hundreds of thousands of pounds. This is his own money, it is a second marriage for both of us and our finances have always been separate though we both own our house in equal shares. I have only a teaching pension.
In the past he has been involved with a number of women though I have stayed with him through 25 years of marriage.
I'm at my wits end. Police have told him it's a scam, doctors says that he has capability to make his own decisions. The scam is the only focus of his life. He truly believes that one day he will recoup the money. He is miserable but determined. We have no shared life.
Worse, he has Parkinsons and I don't want to nurse him later in life - selfish but true.
I want to divorce him but he says he'll fight it.
I can't find a house to rent near friends where I can take my dog.
I just don't know what to do ...

I have a friend who did exactly this. Separated but protected all her assets. It worked well for her and it has been 20 years.

Also make sure you put an alert on the land registry.

Assuming you own the house as tenants in common he cannot loose your share to the scam as no lien can be placed on your share without your permission.

If you divorce you would have to take action to force a sale through the courts, this takes about 12 months (or it did!) - it's unlikely the court would decline such an order - he would have the options of selling and you getting your share or buying you out.

I've done that - thank you 😊

Further to my previous, check you land registry title, it should include this wording in the restrictions:

"No disposition by a sole proprietor of the registered estate (except a trust corporation) under which capital money arises is to be registered unless authorised by an order of the court."

If it does, you are tenants in common - if it does not, you are joint tenants, sometimes (have seen it happen) solicitors mess up the registration, you think you are one thing, but are the other! in which case you can unilaterally sever that to tenants in common - but it would be best to take proper legal advice before doing anything.

What type of fraud is it?
Have you reported it to action fraud? Have you reported it to CIFAS? As you are married to him it might be affecting your credit score, which might make renting or getting a loan in future difficult. Have you checked? You can get warnings put on the main credit scoring companies (equifax etc) Do you have any shared bank accounts?
Are you sure he isnt giving the scammers any of your details?
Can you do something sneaky and just block the scammers details, by accessing your husbands email accounts or phone?

Well, you could just live separately in the same house? It sounds like he hasn't got long left, so why not hang in there and the house will soon be all yours? A divorce would mean you don't inherit, so that seems draft at this stage. Has he got a will? Or kids?

Also, download the Gemini App. It will be SUPER helpful, as you can ask it anything, and it will give you detailed answers. I use it every single day. It's even helped us to create my Dad's care plan, by suggesting things we didn't even know existed.

What scams was he involved in? @KatherineD

Thank you - I think that's my current plan ...
I certainly would never want to remarry - even if I was 33 rather than 73 !😀

OP, even if you remain married you don’t have to care for him.

He will be entitled to Attendance Allowance (he might be already) which you can use for visiting carers , and leave it up to them.

Do you have LPA for his affairs so that if he was so incapacitated you could access his savings and use it for more or less f/t care?

Move him to a home. (money dependent)

Meanwhile make sure that he does NOT have Financial LPA for you. If the unexpected happens to you it would be disastrous for him to have control of your finances! If you have Dc, nieces and nephews, siblings or best friend they would be a better bet.

Does your Will leave your estate to him or your family?

To get away from him I wonder if there are any house / dog sitting opportunities where your friends live? Someone who wants a dog sitter and would be happy for you to take your dog too, perhaps for a reduced rate. Respite for a month at a time!

Feeling for you. My dad was involved with scammers for 15 years, they were still contacting him in hospital after the stroke which killed him. It is devastating. He had zero money but he was such a believer and so persuasive that he embezzled and extracted money from others to ‘invest’. He must have made many criminals very happy for a long time. He was lucky not to end up in prison

I see the point of just living separate lives, if that is what you meant. But I do wonder if you will ever have peace unless you get away.

It's definitely worth exploring as an issue.

How awful for you.

He cannot fight a divorce. All he's thinking about is you looking after him.

It's good you are tenants in common. I'd leave now because he has nothing left and he might be able to claim more.

You can rent with your dog. I know rent is expensive but maybe a little ground floor apartment for now? I paid pet rent for our two cats and repeated the words "older, tame and trained".

I do hope you leave soon.

The scam is financial.
I'm not sure how to reply to particular posts - so not sure if prople are receiving my appreciation of their care and advice- all of which has been very helpful.
I have decided to rent as soon as a suitable property comes up.There doesn't seem to be any advantage in divorce at this stage in our lives.
I've put an alert on our house with the land registry and have had advice from a very good (female) solicitor who thinks it best for me to avoid divorce if possible (impressive as there's no profit in that course of action for her firm).
I will take all I need from our house to make a rented place as nice as I can and I'll have peace with my friends and my dog.
Thank you all, xxx

You dont even have children @Thelimesnail so im not sure what you are expecting.
How very strange!

Sorry OP wrong thread

Ask his GP to check his meds - some of the drugs for Parkinson’s can have extreme reactions.