Considering divorce after years of my husband's financial scam losses

[KatherineD]

My husband is 80, I'm 73.
For the last 7 years he has been a victim of a financial scam. He has lost hundreds of thousands of pounds. This is his own money, it is a second marriage for both of us and our finances have always been separate though we both own our house in equal shares. I have only a teaching pension.
In the past he has been involved with a number of women though I have stayed with him through 25 years of marriage.
I'm at my wits end. Police have told him it's a scam, doctors says that he has capability to make his own decisions. The scam is the only focus of his life. He truly believes that one day he will recoup the money. He is miserable but determined. We have no shared life.
Worse, he has Parkinsons and I don't want to nurse him later in life - selfish but true.
I want to divorce him but he says he'll fight it.
I can't find a house to rent near friends where I can take my dog.
I just don't know what to do ...

I'm sure OP is capable of using AI. Why do people spam people's threads with this?

The husband saying 'he'll fight it' with a divorce, well I don't think he can refuse to divorce her can he? It's not 1879!

Thank you !

No, but I'll check that out. We are tenants in common.
I'm aware that I could lose financially in a divorce - chronically unfair but possible.

Don’t give a dog priority.

When I was a police officer I investigated a scam against this old lady who had spent thousands on a lottery fraud. The bank had got involved stopping payments from her account and her son had a black bin bag of related letters and other scam letters that she received. She’d never even bought a lottery ticket but she was adamant that she was a winner. She didn’t want to admit she had been scammed because she’d invested too much hope into it.

In your case I’d probably get the house valued if you can and see what your place is worth as a starting point. ( I also thought landlords weren’t allowed to ban dogs quite so easily now )

There are things that you can do.
Research what your half of the house could bring you. Put the feelers out with friends that you are looking for a place to rent in the meantime. Sometimes just expressing this out into the universe brings about a solution.

What did the solicitor say about the house? You can take action to force a sale as a colleague of mine had to do that in the end.

i may be talking absolute rubbish here OP but why don’t you leave him but see a solicitor to somehow protect your share of the property? Is that doable?

If divorcing him means that he’s able to claim a share of your pension, don’t divorce him. But I’d still leave.

I really feel for you. This exact thing is happening to my dad (who is late 80s). He’s been subject to scams for around 15 years but will not listen to anyone and the doctor deemed him mentally capable of making his own decisions so no one can stop him. He had no money for food at one stage (and this was a previously wealthy man). He doesn’t live in the UK which makes it harder.

I actually think it’s incredibly unfair that no one can intervene - I also dont see how people can be deemed mentally capable when they are giving all their money away to the point of financial ruin.

All I can say is get out as soon as you can as it’s a race to the bottom. Rentals are now no longer allowed to refuse pets. Just find somewhere and go even if the first place is not ideal. You still have time to build your own life again and recover from this.

Sorry to read about your situation OP. He sounds like a complete pig.

I hope you are able to disentangle your life from this arrogant pig of a husband (he’ll fight the divorce 🙄). Not sure who he thinks he is. Perhaps one of his previous fancy women will take him in, dirty laundry and no money, sounds like a catch!

One thing to note, there has been some misinformation on here about renting and pets. Landlords are obliged to consider pets (no more blanket bans) and must advise if they refuse such a request.

Hope you are heading towards a happier future OP.

Divorce?

Yes- I wonderd if the OP would be better off leaving but not divorcing.

Thank you !!! 😊

Thank you everyone who responded to my post - all so kind, and useful too.
I'll start with AGE UK.
I'm really bowled over by your support xxx

Thank you everyone who responded to my post - all so kind, and useful too.
I'll start with AGE UK.
I'm really bowled over by your support xxx

TBH I'm not capable of using AI and I found the summary very useful.
Again, thanks everyone 🙏

Good luck OP. The other poster made a valid point about leaving and having your own place but without divorce. Definitely one to consider once you've spoken to a solicitor.

Good people don’t abandon their pets. Don’t be ridiculous.

Is he on meds for his Parkinsons? Listen to this... It's fascinating. So many people on certain medications who can't stop risky behaviour and falling for scams.

shadow world

Do you have any children OP? Who could support you through this? Does your husband have any children?

You definitely need to see a solicitor. You don’t need permission to divorce your husband, but his age / Parkinson’s diagnosis might complicate the financial settlement. Does he have any debt?

How is your money currently arranged? No joint accounts? If you had your own pension, any savings and half the value of the house, would you be able to live on that?

Exactly this .
Good luck OP you are in a difficult situation but with a plan of action you and your little dog have a fabulous life to look forward to . We aren’t on this earth forever so have to make ourselves the best life we can .

Do not divorce until financial settlement ie the house.
If you do not divorce you do not have to give half of pension.

I've listened to the podcast - my husband began doing strange things with money before being on the Parkinsons drugs but I now think that maybe he can't understand the consequences BECAUSE of the drugs... I'm going to contact his consultant.

Surely you get the state pension as well as the teacher’s one. How much in total do you get?

Do you need to divorce? Could you separate only? See a solicitor.