I read that thread too. Interesting that the people who said “don’t do it” were those with children with autism. The ones who gave her a hard time seemed to be those who hadn’t battled with this issue. Or so it seemed to me. I didn’t RTFT!!
I would say that there isn’t a day goes by where I don’t thank the Lord I didn’t meet my ex when we younger as children together may well have happened. I only need look at his son (autistic, high functioning) to see what might have been: as a baby/toddler he was biting other children and snatching their toys. They had to move him from the nursery as there were complaints. In school he really struggled with maths and English and this was stressful in itself as the school didn’t provide the right support. Add to that he started refusing to complete any work and used distraction techniques (shouting out, making “jokes” that weren’t funny, getting up and walking around, rudeness) such that he was labelled naughty and fell further and further behind. Parents were at loggerheads with the school to try and get support. Parents (my ex and his ex) had very different parenting styles and this caused a massive rift and likely contributed to their relationship breakdown. The son didn’t make friends easily due to being socially clueless. He would often fall out with people. He bullied my children when me and my ex were together. He bullied his little sister terribly. She is anxious and people pleasing as a result (although also likely because of the behaviour of her dad/my ex who is overbearing, intimidating and unpredictable). If the son doesn’t get his own way he finds a way of sabotaging things for other people. His sister has always been second fiddle and tells me constantly how she’s been treated as less than him her whole life. He took up all the energy and focus of their parents and she gets the scraps. To add to that he is an unpleasant child and I have no doubt will be a danger to women when he is a bit older. Now some of this is due to the way my ex has parented him, I am certain, but a lot of the issues were, I believe, due to his autism.
And that’s a “high functioning” autistic child. He had an autistic friend who had emotional meltdowns daily. Attacked people regularly. Did nasty things to my son (bit him, spat on him, threw his football over a fence so my son couldn’t get it back). Mother had to give up work. I’ve known a few friends with autistic children have to give up work actually. Never mind the battle to get support and the strain on the marital relationship.
I fully agree with all those who told that OP not to do it. And I raised an eyebrow at all the autism apologists who attacked her who have no fucking idea!! I am sure not everyone will share my view. And that’s fine. Having close relationships with autistic people has been one of the hardest aspects of my life and I wouldn’t wish it on someone. (Caveat: not all autistic people, you’ve met one autistic person etc etc, my child is lovely….. yada yada yada! You don’t have to agree!) 😊