Partner repeatedly walks out after disagreements, leaving me with baby

[Girlmumof5]

Hey everyone.

Im looking for advice although I think I know what you’ll all say.

my partner of 2 years constantly walks out leaving me with baby, the slightest disagreement and he’s off to his mums sometimes for days with no contact then comes back and no apology. I know I should not be allowing this to happen more than once!

I’m starting to feel like a pushover and very anxious as to when he will up and go again! He has left again tonight. I work and it’s affecting my work as he looks after baby my working days. Any advice appreciated!

I think you should end it. He sounds like a child himself.

His mum should be kicking his arse time for mummy's little boy to grow up.
Hopefully others can provide practical advice.

Some really helpful posters on the night threads .

Life is so much better as a solo mum than this OP.

Let him live with mummy.

He doesn’t sound like much of a partner. As others have said you need to kick him out so you can get on with things and have reliable childcare set up so you can do your job. This stress is not good for you or your child.

It sounds as though he is deliberately manufacturing reasons to go off and be a single guy.
He isn't invested in the welfare of his child or his relationship with you.
Better to end the relationship. But make sure he pays his financial contribution for his child.

Thank you all for your input, it is much what I expected to hear, I am also of the opinion that his mum should really be saying more to him but instead she comes and picks him up and when I try to speak with her I’m told she wants nothing to do with it and she takes him out to lunch etc while I’m juggling home life and work.
I'm happy to say it’s my house and car and I pay the bills also. So it shouldn’t upset the apple cart too much. When he is gone the atmosphere in the house also leaves.
I feel like there’s only so many times someone can do certain things before you just have enough of it! That’s how I’m feeling tonight.

I think he's being deliberately unreliable... He doesn't want the responsibility and his mum is enabling him.

Thank god, you 've got your own house, car, job and youre not married so you don't need to divorce and give him half.

Find a reliable childminder/nursery
Dump him.
Make sure he contributes to the child's upkeep
and start enjoying your life again.

Call a locksmith tomorrow and change the locks. Don't let his arse back through the door. He's treating you like shit.

This is no way to live.
Definitely get the locks changed and take your power back.
His mother is an idiot too and an enabler.

Can I just run a time line ?
uoj already had 4 or 3 kids / met him / how quickly did you he pregnant?

Hi op,
I am a single mum since pregnancy and I would much rather my life than this. Change the locks now, don’t take him back and keep a writen record (email yourself, so it’s time stamped) of what’s going on. Apply to child maintenance and use that to pay for nursery on the day he is flakey. (Maybe give him
one last chance and tell him he needs to cover this day reliably or you’ll have to put child in nursery, so you can’t be accused on parental alienation).
then do a mediation session with him to make a proper coparenting schedule that works for you and baby.

He doesn’t respect you or your wellbeing at all this will never get better

This. Send him home to mummy permanently. You can't co-parent with a petulant child.
Life is cheaper without a man around, so book some reliable professional childcare, put in a cms claim and get on with your life without him.

You have to put a stop to this. Tell him the next time he leaves, he doesn’t come back. Why are you just letting him walk back in like nothing has happened? Have you tried to have a conversation with him about this? His mother probably should have a chat with him, as if this was my son, i’d be certainly telling him that walking out is not the answer. But, it’s not his mother’s responsibility, you have to set the boundaries here as he clearly not going to stop doing this.

Document how often he walks out on you and his children, work on a childcare plan you can rely on. Then next time he walks out, change the locks and tell him he can pick his stuff up between 10 am and 2 pm the following Saturday.

This will start to affect baby who will feel abandoned.

take his keys and file for child maintenance. Better off without him

Oh love the attempt at victim blaming here. Can I run a timeline on when it was that you realised you aren't that nice a person?

Omg his mum comes and collects him when he decides to leave. He sounds like a failure to launch. A project. You don’t need or have time for projects and you definitely don’t need to be sharing custody of a grown man with his mum. I agree with changing the locks.

He sounds much like Rodney form Fools and Horses (if you are old enough to remember that) Whenever he had a disagreement with Cassandra he either went "Down the Hags head" or "Back to Dels"

Perhaps when he goes back to Mummies you could give him a bag of his dirty washing. Maybe Mummy would like to do that for him.

He needs to grow up and take responsibility or go.

OP I’m so sorry that you are going through this. My DH used to do very similar. Ended up that whenever things were hard or the baby was really upset etc he would just walk out. He did it on my first Mother’s Day.

It’s awful as you are left managing things at home while feeling really upset and crap over their actions. I felt that it really impacted my time as a new mum and the whole experience.

If I could go back and change anything it would be to get out asap. It doesn’t get any better, in fact it gets worse. They either walk out or stay and are very unpleasant.

I wasn’t in your good financial position and didn’t have your confidence. I wouldn’t hesitate to split if I were you. I really wish I had in those early days.

So sorry this is happening to you.

Who owns the property you live in.

Just change the locks and tell him his stuff is outside in bin liners.

Then put in a CMS claim.

Not at all - I’m trying to work out how committed / long term this is so she can fuck him off.
seems like he’s arrived quickly and can go just as fast.

This. He’s a loser. Make sure he pays for his child.