I am a new mum with a. 8 month old baby. In the last few weeks my partner has accused me of being selfish, a bad mum, not caring about our son and being neglectful. I go from thinking this is emotional abuse to thinking maybe he is right on some things and I have dropped the ball. I sent a recording of how he was speaking to me in the throes of these accusations to my parents and a couple of good friends and they gave me their opinions but I wanted to throw it out to unbiased people. And to see if anyone else has gone through this. My transgressions in his eyes are :
- that my hygiene is poor as I used a previously used cloth on our baby’s face that had porridge on it. He said it was on the table for 3 days and took pictures. If I used it it would have been a clean part of the cloth. I also didn’t do dishes immediately after using them but have got in the habit of doing this now.
- I am a bad mum because sometimes I struggle to settle our baby, for example this week I had gone out with him and everything was fine until the drive back when he started crying, I fed him, changed him, ensured the car was cool enough but every time I put him in the car seat he started wailing again. I called my partner for help, his response was angry and that I should be a parent and be able to settle him. He drove out to me and our son was immediately calm in my partner’s car 😬
- This week we had a paediatrician appointment we were referred to for eczema. We had a mental list of extra things to ask him, I forgot to write it down and so didn’t ask everything as my mind was focussed on eczema, potential allergies and reflux. Extra questions included safety of baby sleeping on front and general sleep issues. Only one parent allowed in the appointment so it was me. On the way back when he discovered I’d forgotten these things, again he accused me of not caring, not being responsible, being useless and a bad mum.
There are a few other things such as trying out sleep training (gave up because it hurt my heart and his) that have led him to say I am a bad mother. He shouts and swears aggressively these accusations in front of our baby. Am I minimising my own transgressions by thinking this is emotional abuse? I keep going back and forth but I am starting to gather legal advice. He had a temper before or baby came alone but was going to counselling. It feels like this is much worse now but under the guise of him protecting our child.