Life360 Shows DH Spent 59 mins in Thai Massage

[Caramelsyrup]

As the title says. DH away abroad with some friends. Checked life 360 this morning and showed he had spent 59 minutes in a Thai massage place. Took all the screenshots and sent a friend. It’s not on Google but on street view with a number. It’s not looking good is it??

I don't mean this harshly but don't you already know all you need to know?
He's admitted paying for prostitutes and private dances previously. You've seen him searching for call girls when he's working in London. He goes on lads trips to places notorious for red light districts. You know he's went to a Thai massage place after drinking on one of these lads trips.
It's not exactly out of the blue but this doesn't make it less horrible.
I just think he will lie about the massage. You'll never get an admission. I mean deep down you know what he's doing and it's in your hands what you want to do next.

It's not gaslighting. It's simply not jumping to conclusions over the life of two, possibly real people. Better that than the people unequivocally saying he's cheated.

Did you read the history?

So I'm guessing this isn't a did he didn't he type post, because obviously yes he did and obviously he did in the past too. Are you deciding when & how to ditch him or are you still in 2 minds?

Do you also have a history of frequenting strip clubs and using prostitutes?

He is in his 50s and going on 'lads' holidays, jesus do men never grow up.

I think you DO know what you SHOULD do for you and your children. But you've forgiven him in the past and that's your go to. So .....you're likely to do that again.

I suppose I am asking for advice on what to do and how to approach it as he will obviously try to gaslight me and deny it, probably even say ‘he was waiting for his friends’. Even though I don’t speak to the wives anymore it’s not something I would wish upon them either!! As all have children!

I'm not saying that I would do this because I am too emotional, but I suppose the ideal scenario and the most dignified is packing up his stuff & changing the locks. Anything else you can sort in time. I'd want to be as low contact as humanly possible.

You have all the answers to any of your questions so I wouldn't allow him the opportunity to gaslight you or even discuss it. It's done.....make that abundantly clear, no arguing, no debate, just out!

If you think he will “obviously” gaslight you, ask yourself… even if he somehow manages to prove to you that this was all above board - you clearly a) don’t trust him b) don’t love him c) don’t even like him.

She doesn't trust her husband because he has betrayed her trust in similar ways on other occasions.

Also, do you wait until after 9 pm after an evening of heavy drinking to go for your Thai massage?

Yes I wouldn't give him the opportunity to start gaslighting. I don't think there's much point in bringing it up just to hear some mad lie. Unless that's what OP wants to hear.
The choices are continue on and turn a blind eye or decide to split. There's no need to rush into a decision.

Yes I do think he’s missed the point there!!

You don’t go on holiday with a load of lads, have a few drinks and then go for a relaxing massage.

he’s up to no good and I’m so so sorry to hear that OP. I’d be devastated.

it does sound like he’s been on these kind of holidays before. Might be worth an STI check or similar for yourself

im not sure I have much advice - but is would do what others have said and ask how’s his day/evening was, what he’s been up to. Test the water a bit. But I think unfortunately if it were me that’s the relationship over.

Other than the other dodgy destinations has there been any other signs of this kinda thing?

hope you’re ok OP

Do you want to approach him about it OP?

He's not going to admit it is he!
What do you hope to get from a conversation about it?

You know he is capable of using sex workers (yuk), you know he's searched for them before (yuk), that he goes on lads holidays age 50 (yuk), that he gaslights you (grim), that the company he keeps are cheaters, etc.

You know who he is, whether he admits it or not!

Do you want to stay married?

What to do: end the relationship as soon as possible.
How to approach it: really depends on your housing and finance situation, and whether you think he'll cooperate or get nasty. It would be good to have a clear plan for what steps you need to take.

Don't bother confronting him. He'll just lie. Or he'll admit it but he'll have some excuse. You know this is him - this is what he does and he's not going to stop. So if you don't want this to be your life, all you can do is end the relationship.

Has he not bothered to actually track the children since getting the app then?

As it would be impossible not to know you're on it, every time he opens it he'd see his own icon bobbing around on the map.

It's a shame that you've fallen out with the wives of the other 'lads', as you could work together on finding evidence on this (presuming all the husbands are doing the same gross thing). Any chance of burying the hatchet with them?

yuck 🤮

I dont believe for one second that he was shocked by this.
Has he just landed here from Mars?

I believe that this is what he told you and that you are of course telling the truth , but you'd be foolish to believe that he was shocked by the offer of a happy ending.

He's lying. Every adult is aware of these things.
Why's he lied to you?
Not that it matters if he's a fwb.

Maybe off topic but why do husband and wives have 360s. I find it odd you need to know where people are ALL the time and controlling.

There used to be one right on the high street in my town. Everyone knew what it was.

God knows.

I think it's good to sneak off for a little time alone now and again.
Not doing anything immoral but maybe a day out at the beach having fish and chips.

My dh often goes for a walk. I know he's had a couple of pints en route.
I say nothing. We all need a bit of 'safe' naughtiness.

You’ve asked what you should do - but I think only you have the answer to that OP. What do YOU want to do? It seems like there’s really only two choices - continue to live like this, unsure of yourself, always second guessing, always wondering where he is (and him gaslighting you) or…you leave him and start over.

I’ve lived like you and it’s a horrible destructive place to camp. When I finally did start over, it was very very hard but nowhere near as hard as being cheated on.

If you want to know what I’d do - I’d write him a letter and read it to him (a bit like an official statement! 😂). Tell him you don’t wish to be interrupted and you tell him straight - you’ve been put up with it for years and now you’ve finally had enough - the marriage is over.

And then you take the kids and go on the holiday without him. And oh, switch off the Life app.

How so. Look I know working girls. They take bookings of all timings