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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH’s work being difficult

116 replies

SunflowerYellow92 · 08/05/2026 16:18

Some advice would be really appreciated.

As brief as I can make it, my partner works 8-6 every day. He has a hands on job so it’s quite tricky with him leaving etc, for appointments as they are quite busy and it’s a hand on job.

We have a 3.5 year old DD who is going through a slightly ‘difficult’
Phase at the moment especially since the new members of our family have arrived. I gave birth to twins end of Feb via c section. She is struggling with routine and lack of attention at the moment sadly.

I am currently struggling between the hours of 4-7 with collecting my daughter from nursery and getting her fed and bathed with twins. To be honest it’s quite hard work and it’s making me feel quite low at the moment.

DH asked his boss at work (who happens to be his Dad… he works for a small family business) if he could leave at 5pm instead of 6. Not as a permanent thing but as just a support at the moment for me.

Basically the answer was no. He said he needed to leave to help collect her from nursery and bring her home to me (her nursery is on the way to his work so is ideal). I do think DH is minimising a bit but from what I was told answer is no and that I need to ask Mother in law (DD’s nan) to collect her instead… am I being unreasonable to want my husband home to help me and not MIL?

Where we live, there would be a big difference leaving at 5 instead of 6. The traffic worsens at 6 and if he left at 5 he would be home by 5:30 latest. At the moment he is getting home at 6:45 and it’s just as I am trying to get our eldest sorted for bed so that time really clashes with our routine. By the time DH gets home it’s play time to DD and then bed time is out the window.. this has been the case for a couple of years. It’s now worsened since the twins arrival.

We aren’t asking for him to leave at 4 and we are not going to be sat in a restaurant at 5pm-5:30 to celebrate him leaving early, it will literally be a case of him helping me do bath time and prepare dinner whilst I am feeding the twins.

Any advice or opinions would be great as currently I am feeling quite low and struggling to understand how the answer could be no especially if it was to support me as mentally I’m not in a massively great place.

DH has been coming home at 6 and carrying on as normal, I can’t help but feel resentful as I am at home struggling and his world and MiL/ FIL’s world is carrying on as normal. Am I being unreasonable to feel totally deflated by this or should I just carry on and suck it up?

OP posts:
WhistPie · 08/05/2026 16:22

I would suggest that your husband looks elsewhere for a job

Nearly50omg · 08/05/2026 16:23

Why isn’t your husband on parental leave?

SunflowerYellow92 · 08/05/2026 16:23

Nearly50omg · 08/05/2026 16:23

Why isn’t your husband on parental leave?

He had his leave of 2 weeks

OP posts:
SunflowerYellow92 · 08/05/2026 16:24

WhistPie · 08/05/2026 16:22

I would suggest that your husband looks elsewhere for a job

I’ve suggested this but DH won’t leave as it’s his parent’s business and he has openly admitted to me he feels very obliged to stay there. I am totally lost to be honest on what to do

OP posts:
Holymolyrigmorole · 08/05/2026 16:24

What sort of business it it, OP? I guess there’s not much attention to employment policies/rights etc?

Is changing jobs an option? Does he have transferable skills? He could look for an organisation that is family friendly and has flexible working options?

SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · 08/05/2026 16:25

He could always look for another job, end of the day it’s a job if a employer said no to this request would you feel the same or do you think he can get away with it as his boss is his dad?

SunflowerYellow92 · 08/05/2026 16:26

I have asked MIL also for help but she is always too busy (she is retired and spends a lot of her time with her friends and shopping which is fine as that’s what she enjoys) that isnt a bash at MIL it’s just how it has always been just for clarity on the situation. DH is always telling her to come over and see me and help for an hour or so in afternoon but it’s like getting blood from a stone sadly.

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 08/05/2026 16:26

answer is no and that I need to ask Mother in law (DD’s nan) to collect her instead

Why can't he ask her?

Besidemyselfwithworry · 08/05/2026 16:27

SunflowerYellow92 · 08/05/2026 16:24

I’ve suggested this but DH won’t leave as it’s his parent’s business and he has openly admitted to me he feels very obliged to stay there. I am totally lost to be honest on what to do

If it’s his parents business that’s shocking!!! Especially as they are more than aware of the situation!
id be looking for another job and telling them that unless they’re more flexible he’s off!

Sunisgettinganewhaton · 08/05/2026 16:27

Dh needs reminding his priorities are you and your dc now not his dps..

SunflowerYellow92 · 08/05/2026 16:27

SpiceGirlsNeedAComeBack · 08/05/2026 16:25

He could always look for another job, end of the day it’s a job if a employer said no to this request would you feel the same or do you think he can get away with it as his boss is his dad?

I would probably feel the same to be honest. DH is very lenient and probably betting on with it as it’s his parents. Sadly not ideal for me as I am really in need of more support at the moment

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 08/05/2026 16:27

If he won't leave the job then the problem is him, not his work.

SunflowerYellow92 · 08/05/2026 16:28

WallaceinAnderland · 08/05/2026 16:26

answer is no and that I need to ask Mother in law (DD’s nan) to collect her instead

Why can't he ask her?

She’s always busy and DH has admitted her can’t rely on her that well. She can’t time keep and she never offers to help sadly so we don’t always feel it’s an option asking mil

OP posts:
SunflowerYellow92 · 08/05/2026 16:29

WallaceinAnderland · 08/05/2026 16:27

If he won't leave the job then the problem is him, not his work.

This is what worries me. I’ve told
him to try and look and see what else is out there (in what he does there is jobs out there) but he won’t. He has it very comfortable

OP posts:
Walig54 · 08/05/2026 16:30

That is his problem: He has it very comfortable: You don't.

SleepingisanArt · 08/05/2026 16:30

Do you have any family who could help (your parents)? If you don't and your husband won't change his job then you need to look at a nanny for assistance.

SunflowerYellow92 · 08/05/2026 16:31

SleepingisanArt · 08/05/2026 16:30

Do you have any family who could help (your parents)? If you don't and your husband won't change his job then you need to look at a nanny for assistance.

I wish that was an option for us but money is tight

OP posts:
BeardySchnauzer · 08/05/2026 16:32

Is he earning a decent wage or is he on ‘family rates’? Could you afford a mothers help for a few evenings a week?

RudolphTheReindeer · 08/05/2026 16:32

I think the fact his dad is his boss is a bit of a red herring. Sure it would be nice if he let him leave an hour earlier but how long for? What happens when other employees want the same treatment? No other employer would be likely to say yes to this but he could of course look for a job with different hours.

Jellybunny98 · 08/05/2026 16:32

Could you try shifting DD’s routine back even by an hour to take the pressure off? We did this when my youngest was born just so that it wasn’t such an intense rush of sorting a baby and a toddler’s bath/bed routine at the same time while I found my feet a bit and it did really help. The missing an hour every day would be a big ask for most employers and realistically to benefit you it would need to be for more than just a week or two.

SonyaLoosemore · 08/05/2026 16:33

I suggest DH proposes how he can arrange his working week to accommodate leaving earlier, as he would when requesting a change of hours from any employer. I f this kind of discussion is ruled you are both paying a big price for working for family.

Skybluepinky · 08/05/2026 16:33

I wouldn’t expect my partner to leave work early, have the food prepared in advance and change bath time to morning so you haven’t got all the pressure at once.

Aroundthemalepole · 08/05/2026 16:34

A suggestion from a different track. You could bath the twins during the day.

C152 · 08/05/2026 16:35

SunflowerYellow92 · 08/05/2026 16:31

I wish that was an option for us but money is tight

Perhaps feeling the pinch of the babysitter/childminder bills will refocus his thoughts on the possibility of finding a new job?

SunflowerYellow92 · 08/05/2026 16:36

BeardySchnauzer · 08/05/2026 16:32

Is he earning a decent wage or is he on ‘family rates’? Could you afford a mothers help for a few evenings a week?

Sadly he is on family rates.

OP posts:
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