What is going on here, I should walk away?

[Saskiamae]

Hi all.

I've been in a new relationship. We been together for a few months so it's early days but everything had been perfect. We got on so incredibly well. It was natural, easy and relaxed. He asked to meet my family which he did. Plans had been made for me to meet his soon.
A couple of weeks ago he said he wasn't feeling well (he seemed genuinely poorly) and something just felt off like he was being a bit cold with me.
He said he needed to stay away because he was ill which was understandable.
There's also the fact that he's had a lot going on recently, he started saying he was really stressed and needed space, the messaging slowed right down.
I asked him if he was still serious about us and he said a simple yes and but didn't really say much to reassure me. I kept being supportive but backed off.
That was a few weeks ago now.
Recently i made it clear to him that if he didn't feel the same about me anymore I'd rather we parted ways because I don't want to get hurt or string things out and get more hurt later on and I don't want to just be ghosted and left confused.
He said that wasn't what he was saying but that he didn't know what to say and wasn't handling things well. There's been no reassurance at all that he cares or wants the relationship but he wouldn't end it either.
The last time I heard from him was 5 days ago. I didn't message him for a while but did text yesterday morning asking how he was feeling and still no reply.

The thing is technically we're still in a relationship, I can't move on until there's closure but I also don't want to waste my time if he's just messing me about, equally he could be genuinely struggling and shutting me out because he doesn't have the capacity to be with me right now.
I didn't think he was the type to be cruel or to have another person on the go too but maybe that is the case? Perhaps exploring options with someone else and keeping me as a backup?. One of the things we talked about in the beginning was boundaries and that was a big one for both of us that we were not entertaining other people, he assured me then that he wasn't the type to do that.

I'm honestly so confused and I don't know how to make the right decision.

Blocked him yesterday! It's all done and dusted.
So yes I saw sense 🙂

The thing is technically we're still in a relationship, I can't move on until there's closure

… of course you can. Do you really think that you could reach your 60s and still not being in a relationship because this loser didn’t get back to you in 2026? Of course not. It’s tough when you thought he might be The One, but you’ve found out he isn’t before you got your finger burned, thank goodness.

Your closure, if you really have to think like a 90s magazine article, is accepting that he’s just not going to give you what you need, that it was good while it was lasted and that you’ve learned. Now move on and better luck next time

Yep blocked him yesterday and happy to be done with the it. Moving on and not looking back!

I’m glad to see that you’ve chosen to end things, and I’m genuinely happy for you. I agree with @waterrat it is really very simple, if you feel confused, like you did, end it.

Your story reminds me so much of my exh. When we were dating, I saw so many red flags, but I kept brushing them aside. It took me twenty‑five years to end it and it was after I had some therapy that helped me learn how unhealthy and toxic that dynamic truly was.

Our instincts never lie, we just get very good at ignoring them.

Good for you. The guy's a prick, and you did the right thing.

"Hey, still poorly. But thinking of you and excited to see you soon as hopefully through worst of it now. Miss you" i typed that in like 45 seconds. 5 days of silence is the closure

Thats the spirit. Sod him. His loss

I was with a bloke once, we were on the phone (I was away on a school trip) and the call dropped out, I called back and nothing, didn’t hear from him again for ages. Then he was a knob and dicked me about for ages- I wish I’d had the OP’s nerve back then. But it really messed my head up- literally changing mid sentence from a loving and attentive boyfriend into someone who really couldn’t be bothered.

His sister warned me- he’d taken me to meet his whole family including his daughter, which we’d both said we didn’t want if we weren’t serious, so I didn’t listen to her.Some men are absolute loons, honestly.

I'm really sorry that happened to you. Sounds like a very similar situation. He went from being very loving to cold so fast.
It's a massive head mess up, I'm a little scared to put myself back out there and date again but next time I will most definitely be way more guarded.
We live and learn I guess!

Just stick to your boundaries. I was very slow to learn this, but if you bend them or accept unreasonable behaviour, you’ll spend your life feeling uncomfortable. Be one of those people who just doesn’t accept shit and you’ll be much happier 💐

Well done OP. Proud of you.

That was the perfect way to handle it. Do not let these men waste your time.

Congratulations - you’ll soon be happier again.
Don’t let him reel you in again - stay strong!

Sorry you got a fake man, OP. The Peter Pans of the world do a good impression of being men, until their babyish real selves comes out. My knees would clamp tight shut at being treated like this. It doesn't scream capable and competent, does it? A real man handles his relationships with integrity.

I know it goes against instinct, but I'd not bother with him ever again. Be strong, don't block him, but just enjoy when he comes crawling back and you leave him on read. He's probably (yet another) avoidant, which means he will come back when the threat of intimacy has been resolved.

Sorry - I just read all your messages and saw that you've blocked him.

I bet he'll find another way to be in contact eventually, Ignore him if so.