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Original poster

What is going on here, I should walk away?

63 replies

Saskiamae · 05/05/2026 12:18

Hi all.

I've been in a new relationship. We been together for a few months so it's early days but everything had been perfect. We got on so incredibly well. It was natural, easy and relaxed. He asked to meet my family which he did. Plans had been made for me to meet his soon.
A couple of weeks ago he said he wasn't feeling well (he seemed genuinely poorly) and something just felt off like he was being a bit cold with me.
He said he needed to stay away because he was ill which was understandable.
There's also the fact that he's had a lot going on recently, he started saying he was really stressed and needed space, the messaging slowed right down.
I asked him if he was still serious about us and he said a simple yes and but didn't really say much to reassure me. I kept being supportive but backed off.
That was a few weeks ago now.
Recently i made it clear to him that if he didn't feel the same about me anymore I'd rather we parted ways because I don't want to get hurt or string things out and get more hurt later on and I don't want to just be ghosted and left confused.
He said that wasn't what he was saying but that he didn't know what to say and wasn't handling things well. There's been no reassurance at all that he cares or wants the relationship but he wouldn't end it either.
The last time I heard from him was 5 days ago. I didn't message him for a while but did text yesterday morning asking how he was feeling and still no reply.

The thing is technically we're still in a relationship, I can't move on until there's closure but I also don't want to waste my time if he's just messing me about, equally he could be genuinely struggling and shutting me out because he doesn't have the capacity to be with me right now.
I didn't think he was the type to be cruel or to have another person on the go too but maybe that is the case? Perhaps exploring options with someone else and keeping me as a backup?. One of the things we talked about in the beginning was boundaries and that was a big one for both of us that we were not entertaining other people, he assured me then that he wasn't the type to do that.

I'm honestly so confused and I don't know how to make the right decision.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 05/05/2026 13:25

5 days? Yes he’s a coward and doesn’t want to end it. So I’d end it for him.

MargoLivebetter · 05/05/2026 13:29

Anyone who makes you feel confused about your relationship with them, the interactions you are having with them or any aspect of what you do with them is hanging out giant red flags for you to take notice of.

Another really good test, is to ask yourself "Would I behave towards someone the way this person is behaving towards me?". If your answer is "no", then that tells you everything you need to know, particularly in the early days of a relationship. Time to move on @Saskiamae .

Bluegreenbird · 05/05/2026 13:33

He’s probably distracted by someone new and too pathetic to end it with you. Bin.

Original poster
Saskiamae · 05/05/2026 14:27

JLou08 · 05/05/2026 12:56

It sounds like it is over. It might have felt to intense for him when you were asking if he is still serious about you a few months in and were taking it personally when he was ill and needed space. Maybe you were this way because he had actually detached, or maybe you are quite intense and needy and that led to him backing off. I don't know, there's just something in your post with you saying how perfect it was and lots of analysing what's going on that would have me feeling uncomfortable if I was dating you. Were you usually the one suggesting and arranging things? Were you often the first one to make contact? Some people like things to go at a slower pace and have less contact than others but also not want to refuse/ignore someone they do like.

No he made contact, arranged all dates, paid for everything. He was very keen to spend lots of time together. He also asked to meet my family, arranged it and paid for the whole thing. We were both very much in the relationship and enjoying it. I dint know what happens but needy I certainly am not. If it's ended so be it. I'd be relieved and happy to just put it in the past. I just didn't want to do that if he was genuinely having a hard time.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 05/05/2026 14:57

You don't need him to end it, you can end it. And from the way he is messing you around, you definitely should. He's stressed, he's ill, he needs space, he's not handling things well - it's all code for him having lost interest. Just send him a text saying you're done and move on.

Iwanttobeafraser · 05/05/2026 15:02

He's a twat. I'd say he's met someone else but wants to keep you on the backburner. Your closure should be YOU ending it. You deserve more than this.

TightlyLacedCorset · 05/05/2026 15:03

Saskiamae · 05/05/2026 14:27

No he made contact, arranged all dates, paid for everything. He was very keen to spend lots of time together. He also asked to meet my family, arranged it and paid for the whole thing. We were both very much in the relationship and enjoying it. I dint know what happens but needy I certainly am not. If it's ended so be it. I'd be relieved and happy to just put it in the past. I just didn't want to do that if he was genuinely having a hard time.

Show quote history

I don't know why people can't just be upfront these days.

Sorry OP, but even if he was keen initially, he may have made a re-evaluation. It's really confusing when the guy was so seemingly keen and nice and it seemed like you were so compatible.

From your post it does seem like things progressed really fast, him pushing to meet your family, paying for the entire thing... that's only something I would ask/allow if we were 100% certain we were for each other and going to take a major step like moving in together, or engagement. It's possible he was love bombing you. Love bombing is when a partner comes on strong then suddenly switches behaviour.

Either way it doesn't matter. No contact for 5 days is rubbish. The only excuse for that is 'I had an accident and was in hospital in a coma'

Ophir · 05/05/2026 15:11

Life’s too short and you’re worth more.

Block and delete and don’t accept this mince from anyone

FruitFlyPie · 05/05/2026 15:37

Sorry OP, you aren't in a relationship, he's ended it.

Sounds like he has been trying to get you to end it for a few weeks by acting openly disinterested (Why do men do this? Why can't they just end a relationship themselves if they aren't happy?), you didn't, now he's ghosted.

Sorry though, break ups suck.

Brightbluesomething · 05/05/2026 17:57

You’re not going to get the closure you want from him. You have to create that for yourself.
As PP’s have said, some men just won’t break up and be the bad guy. So they ghost you until you end it or give up. That can be days, as you’ve experienced.
My ex even told me that breaking up makes a man the bad guy and I still let him ghost me. I was always the one to get back in contact. Until the final straw when I took back control and ended it.
Living in limbo whilst you’re being ghosted is awful. It’s over and it hasn’t made you happy for a while now. Send a break up text and block.

aquitodavia · 05/05/2026 18:15

In my experience, men going full tilt and then freaking themselves out and walking away is quite common, sadly....

Original poster
Saskiamae · 05/05/2026 20:14

Sent the message, blocked. Job done. Thanks ladies 🙂

OP posts:
TightlyLacedCorset · 05/05/2026 20:47

Look at you!🙌🏽

Right decision. Go forward and eventually you'll meet someone worthy of you and not some man child who still wants to play games.

Just thank your stars he didn't waste even more of your time! Imagine this had happened after a whole year in or even more!

Best of luck!!❤️

MinglyMadly · 05/05/2026 21:02

Well done OP for sending the message. But why block him?

I really don't get this modern thing of 'blocking' people we no longer want contact with as if we aren't emotionally mature enough to handle ourselves or capable of communicating.
Blocking has it's place if someone is being a nuisance but if you just don't want contact with someone just tell them and move on.

Save the blocking for those who won't take no for an answer or become a nuisance.

MargoLivebetter · 05/05/2026 21:12

Well done @Saskiamae

Original poster
Saskiamae · 05/05/2026 21:18

Ii think not blocking and therefore allowing them to still contact gives the impression that you are still open to more communication and creates mixed signals?

OP posts:
crazeekat · 05/05/2026 21:39

He’s ghosting you. He’s kept u as an option and now he has chosen. Send him a fuck you message if it will make you feel better then Block him. Lick your wounds and move on. He doesn’t care about you. Do not get into a conversation with him he will just talk shit if he does indeed even reply. Sounds like you have had a lucky escape from this narcissist.
sorry just seeing updates

corblimeygvnr · 05/05/2026 21:54

Saskiamae · 05/05/2026 21:18

Ii think not blocking and therefore allowing them to still contact gives the impression that you are still open to more communication and creates mixed signals?

Blocking is the best way. It cuts off access to yourself. It speeds up recovery.

FaceIt · 05/05/2026 22:17

Well done, you definitely did the right thing by blocking him. He had enough time and enough chances to do the right thing, but he’s a coward. I think a lot of men are and mixed in with that they like to keep their options open.

It’s horrible for you, but you should be really proud of yourself for being so strong about it.

EarthSight · 05/05/2026 22:21

Coward. Lots of men don't just end it. They just become progressively worse boyfriends until the woman decides to shoulder the burden of finishing it. Some of them think they can come back later if you change your mind.

Horses7 · 06/05/2026 19:26

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

MaddestGranny · 06/05/2026 19:29

EarthSight · 05/05/2026 22:21

Coward. Lots of men don't just end it. They just become progressively worse boyfriends until the woman decides to shoulder the burden of finishing it. Some of them think they can come back later if you change your mind.

I think it's worse than that. I think that some men do the 'come-on' and the 'love-bombing' and then experience some kind of 'one-upmanship' power buzz from casting the other one in the 'relationship' adrift. It's a power-play. It makes them feel powerful and important. It is entirely unhealthy. Best move is to cut and block.

MMAS · 06/05/2026 20:20

Oh this is lovely is it not ....... absolutely not ,,,,,,, can no one see the reel and reel and reel me in going on here. Reel me in, ask to meet the parents how lovely to make me feel secure, reel me out then reel me in again and so it goes on until I do exactly what it is you want. Normally the person being reeled in goes back time and time again until something bad happens.

Do you want that to be you. Is that why you are posting here. You are far stronger than you think. Dump him, block him and report if you ever feel the need.

LoyalMember · 06/05/2026 21:35

Saskiamae · 05/05/2026 12:18

Hi all.

I've been in a new relationship. We been together for a few months so it's early days but everything had been perfect. We got on so incredibly well. It was natural, easy and relaxed. He asked to meet my family which he did. Plans had been made for me to meet his soon.
A couple of weeks ago he said he wasn't feeling well (he seemed genuinely poorly) and something just felt off like he was being a bit cold with me.
He said he needed to stay away because he was ill which was understandable.
There's also the fact that he's had a lot going on recently, he started saying he was really stressed and needed space, the messaging slowed right down.
I asked him if he was still serious about us and he said a simple yes and but didn't really say much to reassure me. I kept being supportive but backed off.
That was a few weeks ago now.
Recently i made it clear to him that if he didn't feel the same about me anymore I'd rather we parted ways because I don't want to get hurt or string things out and get more hurt later on and I don't want to just be ghosted and left confused.
He said that wasn't what he was saying but that he didn't know what to say and wasn't handling things well. There's been no reassurance at all that he cares or wants the relationship but he wouldn't end it either.
The last time I heard from him was 5 days ago. I didn't message him for a while but did text yesterday morning asking how he was feeling and still no reply.

The thing is technically we're still in a relationship, I can't move on until there's closure but I also don't want to waste my time if he's just messing me about, equally he could be genuinely struggling and shutting me out because he doesn't have the capacity to be with me right now.
I didn't think he was the type to be cruel or to have another person on the go too but maybe that is the case? Perhaps exploring options with someone else and keeping me as a backup?. One of the things we talked about in the beginning was boundaries and that was a big one for both of us that we were not entertaining other people, he assured me then that he wasn't the type to do that.

I'm honestly so confused and I don't know how to make the right decision.

You're not in a relationship with him in any way, shape, or form. He's blanked you for five days, ffs, so see sense and move on with your life because he's over you.

waterrat · 06/05/2026 21:37

honestly Op - I wasted so much time in my 20s on this sort of shit

The best advice I ever got was - if you feel confused, he isn't in to you

you will know when you are with a man who cares about you - chuck this one back in the sea and move on.

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