Can dating work for single parents with only school-hour free time?

[HoTToTouch]

I’m a single parent and my kids don’t see their dad. I have been a single parent for many years. However for the past four years I’ve basically had no break at all, but I’m just starting to get a bit of time back the catch is it’s only during school hours.

I’m wondering if anyone else has been in a similar position and actually managed to meet someone? As in, you have children and don’t have evenings, weekends, or full days free to spend building a relationship in the usual way.

People have suggested dating while the kids are at school, but I can’t quite picture how that works in reality or whether it’s enough to form something meaningful.

I think it’s starting to hit me that I might be on my own forever which I’m trying not to be sad about but I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s made this kind of situation work.
(For personal reasons I am unable to use babysitters)

Some people absolutely are unable to.

With even a budget of several hundred pounds an hour we cannot find any respite care for our DD3. Ad hoc babysitting is absolutely out of the question.

And not being able to afford something isn’t a choice. Very bizarre thing to say that.

If you don’t work much then you could definitely suggest first dates as lunch break dates especially if you’re willing to travel to near their place of work, or you can date an unemployed man, a student, a shift worker etc who has time off in the daytime. You can be quite upfront and say something like ‘first dates in the daytime on weekdays - let’s do coffee or walk or lunch!’

can you put your kids in stage coach or similar on Saturday mornings so you have more time then?
you could also join a gym like David Lloyd and put them in a two hour kids club and have a man come meet you there for a coffee?

Following as same, would like to date at some point, but it wouldnt be on a Friday night!

I will never live with a man.

This isn’t true though, as most people would want at least some evenings and weekends with a partner

I did guess that’s what the comment said. Unfortunately casual sex is only normalised for men, but women like sex too.. secrets out!

I have a long term friend with benefits, if I didn’t I’d lose my actual mind!!! We see each other occasionally. He’s a police officer, works shifts, and he was my best friend before anything ever happened so I fully trust him to be that space for me. That is allowed. It’s 2026. If anyone had anything negative to say I’d snap back 😂

But, more to the point of- it is possible. I’m also in my 30s and haven’t ever had to date someone unemployed or retired thank goodness.

My son a night shift worker, no kids of his own, did date a single mum for a while. Day time meet ups worked for a while but the timing of them really started messing with his sleeping pattern. He really wanted to be able to just spend time together and get to know her, but he said she always had an eye on the time. He understood why that was but it didn’t make for a relaxing time. Rather than flipping back and forward timewise on his off days he still slept mostly during the day and stayed awake in the evenings and nighttime. So even though he really liked her it fizzled out long before it got to the stage where she might have been comfortable with him going round after her child was asleep.

that’s why compatibility is important. She’s not looking for your opinion of “most people” she’s looking for her version of someone and you can’t tell her that’s not possible.

Won't shift workers be sleeping when they are off shift?

Not necessarily… do you sleep the whole entire time you’re not at work?

Alot of shift patterns are 4 days on (working) and 3 days off (not working) as they’ll work 12 hour shifts etc.

Not necessarily. Again, you're coming at this from the position of 9-5 M-F. My uncle is a vicar(I'm not suggesting the OP dates vicars). He works virtually every Sunday unsurprisingly, and Saturdays are mostly prepping for Sunday. He has a day off in the week. His 'weekend' is Monday. He often takes services in the evenings but instead takes down time in some afternoons.

There's nothing magical about Saturdays and Sundays, except that a greater proportion of people are off. Same for evenings.

Think about someone working in a busy restaurant - evenings and weekends are their busiest times, but meeting Tuesday and Thursday mornings might be fab.

As time goes on, things like wanting to spend bigger blocks of time together, holidays etc, might be issues, but that's a long way down the line.

Maybe date someone that doesn’t work either ? Single dad ?

Most single dads are NRP i will join online dating and see whats out there… people are free not to date me but I will be up front about what time I have available. Eventually they can come round when the kids are in bed but that’s a long way off.

Night shift workers will be sleeping in the daytime.

It's going to be hard to find men who will date you during school hours only. They're going to be working part time or not at all or students.

Only if you sleep any time you aren’t working like someone else said 🤷‍♀️

Honestly OP ignore all these people that seem to think anyone not working a 9-5 is undateable lol because by their standards anyone working nights, or shifts are working or asleep, never date, preach celibacy 😂

also don’t lower your own standards for unemployed, students or retired - although that does widen the net 😂

honestly , some of the comments here really do show who people are.

Thank you, honestly mumsnet is like a different world sometimes, so night shift workers either sleep or work and have no social life at all and don’t see anyone 🤣 im 30s so students or retired men aren’t what im looking for.

My point was that most people want to see their partner on an evening, or over a couple of nights away or out sometimes, or a holiday. That’s not an unreasonable thing to say

I do think getting a man round when your children are in bed is weird though

Not if you’ve been dating for a while it isn’t. It’s a perfectly normal thing to do. How do you think anyone ever gets remarried / has other kids

Some people work every evening and have the days off though. Those are the people the OP will be hoping to date.

It’s going to be incredibly difficult. I dated someone at work for a while who was a single dad to 2 girls, and they didn’t see their mum. My kids were older, and I deliberately didn’t date when younger as didn’t want to bring a man into their lives. And I didn’t have the money at the time for a babysitter, and wouldn’t have felt right leaving them with a babysitter so I could go on random dates. I also worked during the day, as do most people, though maybe shift workers don’t. Do you not work? I think if you met someone organically, and they were free during the day it might work, but a dating profile where you’re never free on weekend or evenings isn’t going to attract many people. Guy I saw was very unavailable and that’s fine, but I don’t know why he asked me out, as he definitely couldn’t commit to even a casual relationship.

I think something casual might be possible but if you really like someone it just won’t be enough, and most people will be working during the day. I do have a bf I see 2 lunchtimes a week for about 45mins to an hour. He works from home all the time and I wfh 2 days a week and he lives nearby. But I also go to see him when my kids are with their dad every other weekend. He has his son all the time but he’s a teen now (was 11 when we met) and has been very welcoming to me. His mum passed away. So I guess my bf is in situation but with an older child. He get a babysitter sometimes in the early days and now we can leave him for a few hours. I’ll be honest though it is pretty restrictive and sometimes I get a bit down that we can’t go anywhere and do much very easily. Sometimes I’m drained by my own kids and am really fond of his son but don’t always want to spend my “child free” weekends with him.

They use paid childcare, parents or friends for the nights they are with a new man/woman while they build a relationship before they consider bringing that person into a house where their children are.

I guess when you know them well enough that’s fine, but you’ve got to get to that point, which won’t be easy when you’re restricted so much. Most people who get remarried have babysitters or kids go to their dads EOW. Much harder when you’re a loan parent.

Night shift workers usually go out in the evenings on their days off. They're exhausted after their shifts. I get that's not what you want to hear, so just get on out there yourself then. 🙄