Can dating work for single parents with only school-hour free time?

[HoTToTouch]

I’m a single parent and my kids don’t see their dad. I have been a single parent for many years. However for the past four years I’ve basically had no break at all, but I’m just starting to get a bit of time back the catch is it’s only during school hours.

I’m wondering if anyone else has been in a similar position and actually managed to meet someone? As in, you have children and don’t have evenings, weekends, or full days free to spend building a relationship in the usual way.

People have suggested dating while the kids are at school, but I can’t quite picture how that works in reality or whether it’s enough to form something meaningful.

I think it’s starting to hit me that I might be on my own forever which I’m trying not to be sad about but I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s made this kind of situation work.
(For personal reasons I am unable to use babysitters)

I don't think dating that's limited to school hours will be able to progress to a more serious relationship.
Fwb situation or both knowing it will remain very casual is workable. It depends what you are
looking for really.

DH and I dated school hours week on week off (as he worked week on week off) when we first got together. I had absolutely no childcare for the first year of that relationship (by chance my DDs grandparents asked for contact through me a year in).

So it’s possible, but it does require the luck of meeting someone who works the shifts that you can mix with and who doesn’t work the shifts because they have a pre-school age child.

Ah thats lovely to hear! Nice to see it is possible

What is the matter with you? This victim complex is doing you no favours.

Are your working hours flexible OP? I’m assuming you’re not a shift worker because of the childcare issues you have. I think there’s a Uniformed dating thing, where hopefully you can fit both your working patterns.

Can’t you pay for a babysitter?

Im Unable to use sitters for personal reasons as mentioned in my post.

I’d be focusing on getting back into the workforce. Multiple children on one income (currently no income?) is difficult.

There are many many shift workers - I’m one of them - but it would be casual dating only until it’s possible to meet up more regularly.

Noone is literally unable to. You choose not to, whether because you can’t afford it, or you don’t trust others. But you could if you wanted. As you don’t I think you have to accept the consequence of that is that you’re highly unlikely to meet someone who would be interested in a serious relationship. In fact you literally can’t. Long term means evenings and weekends which you won’t do. Not a quick bite to eat followed by a quickie before pickup.

Dating isn’t compulsory though, plenty of people are happy without dating. And your kids will grow up at some point.

No it wouldn’t work

OPs children may have disabilities or SN that mean babysitters won’t care for them…

I was a lone mum with now adult DS and had a couple of relationships with two guys I met through work. I’d been friends with them both for a couple of years beforehand and we had a lot of mutual friends. I was as sure as anyone ever can be that they were trustworthy (ie not paedophiles etc) and we do have to have DBS checks for work. We went for work lunches & built up friendships first before they stayed over/came to our house. I was also lucky have to have the odd bit of babysitting from family but the main place we built bonds was at work. Not sure how it would’ve worked with someone I met and didn’t know first or couldn’t spend regular with time with at work etc.

I've tried this before and it's very difficult. Most men find it irritating because they want to go to the movies in the evenings or on a Saturday night but I can't. Like you I don't have childcare and I work full time but I do work from home quite a bit, so if I met someone local we could meet for lunch and occasionally I have a few hours free on a Saturday where my child does out of school activities but men are used to women who have childcare support, so they don't enjoy the limited access unfortunately, so nothing really comes from, it and you end up with endless phone relationships. They will grow up soon and then we'll be free!!! Lol

And I do agree that sharing custody is a totally different kettle of fish. I have 50/50 custody of younger DD (different dad) and it is a million times easier than truly lone parenting- I have so much free time, even with working full time.

There’s been a couple of posters on this thread who have been in my situation that have met people but thanks for your comment

Thank you, it’s like people refuse to use their imagination. Im not going to go into my life in too much detail though I just wondered if anyone has met someone in this situation rather than a load of negative nellies.

If you are not going to get babysitters at any point, then no, you can’t be looking at dating. It’s unfair to potential partners too as it’s so restricting.

Could you look to changing that? Maybe therapy?

However, if you just want a bit of a dalliance then some lunchtime sex should be easy enough to come by!

*eta I’m just being realistic rather than negative 🤷🏼‍♀️

Plenty of unemployed men @HoTToTouch, plenty of graduates struggling to find work.

People on this post have shared how they met a partner this way. It isn’t unfair on anyone as I won’t be forcing anyone to date me and will be upfront from the beginning

How would you see any relationship progressing?

No nights or days out or holidays?

Or is it just a casual thing you’re after?

If her kids have SEN (don’t know if they do, but some of the posts point that way) the OP may not be expected to find work and would be entitled to carers allowance and other benefits.

I’ve been in this situation for 8 years now. Most of it I’ve been single but I have managed to date. Mainly police officers, night shift workers, firefighters etc people that tend to work 4 days on, 3 days off.

I would meet them in my lunch break initially, and then venture out a bit more.

for health reasons I had to cut my working days down to 4 days a week. So I always knew I had a day in the week free to date too. Schedules would align.

once comfortable with people, I’d do evenings once the kids were in bed for a movie and - shock horror, sometimes sex! but I never let people I was dating stay.

I had a successful relationship of 2 years with someone, that built from all of the ways mentioned above.. he was allowed to stay.

now the kids are getting older - teeens! I am enjoying more flexibility with dating as popping out for a couple of hours in the evening is easier , and they are always over at mates houses at the weekend - or their mates are here and they want me out the way 😂

it is possible.

Yep, it's like this weird bubble where everyone works 9-5, whereas in reality, most don't. Health isn't 9-5, prisons, police, hospitality, events, pubs, some retail, vicars and a thousand other jobs.

Then those that do work more standard hours aren't all full time. Some customer facing roles may work weekends with a day off in the week. Some people have flexibility over their hours as long as the job gets done, so could switch to a pattern that means that they get regular time together. It's not all rushed lunches and quickies 🙄.

There's nothing magical about having an evening together rather than a day, or a lunch rather than dinner.

Thank you, the comments been deleted now but someone said I sound like im obsessed with sex 🤣 I haven’t mentioned sex at all (until I replied to their comment saying I sound obsessed with sex!) nowhere had I even mentioned it. I guess single mums aren’t allowed sex again 😂

Op be careful as you’re likely to get cock lodgers who need housing showing a lot of interest and love bombing you