He's definitely restarted the affair

[Allthegoodonesareg0ne]

2 years ago my husband had an affair and we reconciled. All was going well. He left his job for a bit and then had to go back. In March he went on a trip where she was, first time since. He came back off. I suspected, he denied. Then he said he hasn't been happy, rhe effort of dealing with my triggers from the affair was too much. He was worn out. He was planning to stay until after my hysterectomy this week and then move out. Since then its been a roller coaster. Warm some days, cold the next. In amongst it i filed for divorce. Some days he wanted to try and some days he was like an imposter in my husbands body. Over and over I asked about her he said he wasn't talking to her.
Today I got forwarded messages between them from her husband. He's been at it again.
He says he wasn't cheating, he'd already decided it was over between us he wouldn't tell me so I'd let him look after me and rhe kids through my surgery.
So now I know. I already suspected it shouldn't be a shock. I'd already said ir was over but I suppose some part of me was hanging on.
No point to this really except maybe to warn others and to get a bit or a handhold as this feels bloody unbearable.

That's a sassy comment. Wish someone had said that to my XH after D Day 🙂

That’s a friend you need in your corner. What a woman.

Ohhh I ❤️ your friend!

Well, it’s her own fault that lead to her consequences.

Keep smiling! 🙂

I actually feel truly truly positive this evening!
He's done with the hassle of dealing with the repair of his first affair, playing back issues from years ago, complaining about me preventing him from pursuing his passion by historically expecting a work life balance and some actual effort at home.
But he's moving to a not very nice rental around rhe corner, he'll miss out on the day to day with rhe kids, he's gutted to leave the dog 🙄, he's currently knackered taking care of the house and the boys while I recover whilst knowing he'll be doing all his own housework and be on his own with the boys when he has them and he's moving into a relationship that is a logistical nightmare and if that can be overcome likely means a 2nd family.
Meanwhile I'll be in the house, with the kids who are gaininf independence by the minute, it'll be peaceful and fun, I'll have the dog and a new cat 😆, I'm training in a new career, I have lots of lovely friends (he hasn't invested in any here, aside from the husbands of my friends in the decade we've lived here) and I'll have loads of extra wardrobe space!
I think its clear whose life is looking better 🤣

Oh and rhe stress of the last few weeks means I'm looking better than I have done since I was in my teens and my braces come off in two weeks 🤣

It hurts for now
One thing I can tell you though is a cheat will always be a cheat. He leaves you for her, 5 years from now he will be cheating on her with somebody else,.

Or more likely she realises he's not all that and cheats on him like she did her own husband (who is very good looking and actually super lovely. He and I have chatted probably more than she and my husband have since their first go in 2024 😆)

When it’s put like that❤️

How about the old switchero? 😂

🤣 I'm far too old for him haha

I wouldn’t rule out a fling. Revenge can be amplify the passion 😆.

Not sure why on earth she cheated on her nice, handsome husband who she could have had her own family with, to have an older man with his own kids that she’ll have to take care of as he ages. Nuts. But she will have to live with the consequences of her actions. She probably regrets the affair already but is hanging on because if she doesn’t get your STBX then she will have to accept she has lost everything and has no one to blame but herself.

She’ll be annoyed at him for a while but ultimately she’ll take him back. I’ve been in a similar situation before and all OW wanted from me was to know if now he was hers for good and when was the last time we had slept together.
In her mind, him cheating on me with her was fine, but “cheating” (I say “” because from my POV I was just in my relationship as normal) on her with me? Unacceptable!

Take comfort in knowing their relationship won’t last long because ultimately they’re both terrible people. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

That's my thought too. The whole thing is bonkers. He's going to stay living local, the kids want nothing to do with her and he's agreed no introductions for at least a year. Right now the kids want to alternate their weekends with him and he's agreed (means I get no break, but also means he has no free weekends) and he works here while she works and lives in her own country, living near her family. She's also the age for kids (32) so why she's blown her marriage up for my H I've not a clue.
I'm at the point now I'm just going to sit with my popcorn and let it evolve 🤣

They for sure had some kind of falling out last week after she ended her marriage.
He was all woe is me about having hurt everyone and I don't think he meant me and the kids at that point. I know him well enough to know that if she was pushing for clarity on what's next he'll have been telling her some version of I can't deal with that right now.
He's been adamant she's not his girlfriend and they have no plan for the future. According to both him and her Stbx they aren't currently in contact. (Her stbx is not taking her back).
So there is some tension that side for sure. I sent her our parenting plan for the next 12 months that we've both signed that details he'll live here, how often he'll see the kids, no intros to new partners etc. Not out of spite but because i genuinely feel he's being unfair to her to put her at risk of not having her own family for him. She thanked me profusely for sharing that.
I genuinely don't care right now if he runs off into rhe sunset with her but I can't lie and say I wouldn't enjoy it if it crashes and burns!

They haven’t thought of the future and how it could work and yet they’ve both just destroyed their marriages. They deserve each other!
Blimey, was he amazing in bed or something?!

One thing I would be very careful about are children leading the decision making on their child care arrangements. They should have a say but it can’t be dictated. Do you mean he will have them every weekend and you will have them all week? Or have one weekend with him then one with you?

Not really 🤣

The plan is he will have them eow and now and again for evenings after school until after dinner when it suits everyone.
But the kids have asked if they can alternate weekends rhere so one goes one weekend and the other goes the next so each weekend we'd each have one

Hahaha! What a couple of idiots they are!
She’ll get bored of him having to spend time with his children etc and he doesn’t sound as if he’s got a flying fig of a clue what he’s doing anyway! Good riddance to bad rubbish.

I’m speaking from experience here, they should both go on the same weekend. You will both be tired and needing a break, no matter how sweet revenge tasted right now. The children will have to learn “no” as this is an adult decision, from time to time of course have flexibility for one to one time with their dad or you. I honestly need my child free weekends and my dc are 14 and 19 ( and the older one is at uni!).

Also correct me if I’m wrong, I understand autistic children like routine and no big changes. Along the way, you and your husband will both want a child free weekend. What happens if the routine you have outlined changes? You’ve expressed a wish in the future to date and find a new partner. How will this happen if you never have a free weekend? I am a big supporter of yours and always have been but I think this is an emotionally driven decision and not in the best interests of anyone. The kitten is something you can say yes to, this idea of the childrens should have been a no ( the could have one to one stays with dad over holidays).

Totally get this. Thank you. I think we both saw rhe benefit of them having 121 time bur need to look ar downside too

You sent her your parenting plan ??
Really this is between you and your husband.