Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner ignored repeated no during sex and I feel deeply shaken **Content Warning - non-consensual sex"

428 replies

Treacletarttt · 02/05/2026 10:47

Hi,

Me and my partner have been together 3 years, I have two sons from a previous relationship, and he has a daughter. A few nights ago, me and my partner were in bed together, and I’m still coming to terms with what happened.

I rolled over and had begun to fall asleep, whilst he was still on his phone. I then felt him touching me and stroking me. He began to try and perform oral sex, but I told him I was tired and I wasn’t in the mood.

I was in a pretty rubbish mood, I had been arguing with my ex about our children (who were with him at the time), and I’d had a colposcopy procedure that day, so I just wanted to sleep.

My partner carried on, under the covers, I pushed his head away. I said I didn’t want to have sex, I was tired, sore etc. Then he got a little more aggressive and started to have sex. I winced and pushed him out, he stuck it back in. I then pushed him away and said no.

He then thrust his penis in my face and told me to suck it. I moved my face away and said no, and then he shoved it in my mouth. It’s a bit of a blur after that, he grabbed my throat multiple times, and started trying to aggressively try kiss me. He told me to call him by my ex’s name. I said no, and continued saying no to him.

He persisted and repeatedly told me to call him by my ex’s name over and over again (he has asked me to call him by other names during sex in the past), all whilst either trying to kiss me or shoving his penis in my face, he asked me to do anal and I said no, then he tried to stick it up there so I quickly moved. I tried to push him off again but couldn’t and he held my arms down. At that point I just started crying silently… I couldn’t help the tears streaming down my face and just lay there. At that point his was masturbating over my chest. He saw I was crying, and said ‘what’re you crying for, I’ll give you something to fucking cry about’ started trying to aggressively kiss me again, and told me to take his cum in my mouth, I said no moving my face away, he said I’ll do it on your chest then. I said no and tried to move out of the way but he was on top of me and then he ejaculated all over me.

I asked him why he’d done that whilst repeatedly telling him no, went straight to the shower and when I’d finished he was asleep.

I ended up leaving, and the day after, I spoke to him and told him he went too far, but he just responded saying he thought I liked it rough.I feel so confused and vulnerable, I haven’t seen him since, and I know that I need to get out of this relationship now. I just needed somewhere to vent this to someone, as I don’t have many people I can turn to. I’ve just done nothing but sit and think about what happened and replayed it in my head.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 02/05/2026 16:53

Treacletarttt · 02/05/2026 16:16

Ive not posted about him before.
I have now blocked him on all forms of contact and social media. I don’t want anything to do with him again and I especially don’t want him near me or my children. I have a supportive family and I am especially close with my mum, but I am struggling, with how I tell her what’s happened. I still feel like I’m in shock, and I feel ashamed for some reason. Sounds silly, I know. But I just don’t know how to go about it.

I'm so glad!

As far as your feelings or the misplaced sense of shame, again, contact rape crisis. They can help you.

Is there a particular reason you feel you need to tell your mum? I'm not saying you shouldn't, especially if she will be a major source of support. If you feel you really need to tell her because you want her support remember that you don't have to go into detail. You can simply say that you told him 'no' and that he didn't listen. If she presses for details tell her you really don't want to talk about it. But if you are thinking you need to say in order to explain why you broke with him, then lie. Tell her he's moving to Tasmania. Tell her he cheated or is a gambler. Because no one is entitled to know what happened.

SpiritAdder · 02/05/2026 16:55

Vile rapist of a man.

Sweetandnice · 02/05/2026 16:56

Please change all your door locks.
If he comes over doesn't leave call the police.

TightlyLacedCorset · 02/05/2026 16:57

I just read this and cried.

I'm so, so, sorry this was done to you💐💐

I haven't RTFT but I know you would have been given great advice by everyone here.

Just giving you lots of mental hugs and please do not second guess yourself, whether you report him or not, get advice and support from victim support or rape crisis, friends, family.

You will heal from this eventually, but it will take time and lots of specialised support. Right now you are the shock phase. Gather your support.

Probably already been said but can someone look after the children for you for a while? Do not be ashamed, and do feel stupid or rehearse what you could have done differently, because you're not to blame for any of it. I know it will be hard to tell others, especially family, but equally they would be devastated to think of you carrying something like this alone.

This is a very dangerous man. Do not allow him to gaslight you or intimidate you. One immediate benefit of reporting him might be that he stays away from all attempt to contact you

Think about what you want to do. It's all about you.

Wishing you all the best support and strength ❤️

EarthSight · 02/05/2026 17:01

Of course you're in shock. Who wouldn't be. It's a lot to deal with - the end of a relationship and dealing with the fact you were raped by a trusted man who you'd known for years.

Be kind to yourself. It's not like another type of crime like a car being broken into. If you do tell your mum and she doesn't react the way you hoped or doesn't give you the support you need, just know that you've already told many other women and we all think he's an unforgivable scumbag.

Wishing you the very best and much healing x

Dragracer · 02/05/2026 17:04

I really really would reccomend informing the police. He could become aggressive now and he could go on to rape another woman or his daughter (statistically abuse against an intimate partner massively increases the likelihood of abuse towards their child) . You don't have to press charges. But informing them protect you and others moving forward.

He raped you, quite violently, he strangled you while raping you. This is a major violent assault.

Gwenna · 02/05/2026 17:07

Treacletarttt · 02/05/2026 10:47

Hi,

Me and my partner have been together 3 years, I have two sons from a previous relationship, and he has a daughter. A few nights ago, me and my partner were in bed together, and I’m still coming to terms with what happened.

I rolled over and had begun to fall asleep, whilst he was still on his phone. I then felt him touching me and stroking me. He began to try and perform oral sex, but I told him I was tired and I wasn’t in the mood.

I was in a pretty rubbish mood, I had been arguing with my ex about our children (who were with him at the time), and I’d had a colposcopy procedure that day, so I just wanted to sleep.

My partner carried on, under the covers, I pushed his head away. I said I didn’t want to have sex, I was tired, sore etc. Then he got a little more aggressive and started to have sex. I winced and pushed him out, he stuck it back in. I then pushed him away and said no.

He then thrust his penis in my face and told me to suck it. I moved my face away and said no, and then he shoved it in my mouth. It’s a bit of a blur after that, he grabbed my throat multiple times, and started trying to aggressively try kiss me. He told me to call him by my ex’s name. I said no, and continued saying no to him.

He persisted and repeatedly told me to call him by my ex’s name over and over again (he has asked me to call him by other names during sex in the past), all whilst either trying to kiss me or shoving his penis in my face, he asked me to do anal and I said no, then he tried to stick it up there so I quickly moved. I tried to push him off again but couldn’t and he held my arms down. At that point I just started crying silently… I couldn’t help the tears streaming down my face and just lay there. At that point his was masturbating over my chest. He saw I was crying, and said ‘what’re you crying for, I’ll give you something to fucking cry about’ started trying to aggressively kiss me again, and told me to take his cum in my mouth, I said no moving my face away, he said I’ll do it on your chest then. I said no and tried to move out of the way but he was on top of me and then he ejaculated all over me.

I asked him why he’d done that whilst repeatedly telling him no, went straight to the shower and when I’d finished he was asleep.

I ended up leaving, and the day after, I spoke to him and told him he went too far, but he just responded saying he thought I liked it rough.I feel so confused and vulnerable, I haven’t seen him since, and I know that I need to get out of this relationship now. I just needed somewhere to vent this to someone, as I don’t have many people I can turn to. I’ve just done nothing but sit and think about what happened and replayed it in my head.

I’m so sorry this happened to you OP - this is serious and you’ve been assaulted. Love to you 💖🌸

category12 · 02/05/2026 17:08

You can't just inform police of a rape and not press charges, @dragracer . Once it's reported, it will be in their hands to decide. It's also not OPs responsibility.

OP should do what's best for her right now.

SpryTaupeTurtle · 02/05/2026 17:15

Op. If you do go to police it's wise to do it soon - so that so that DNA evidence can still be collected. There's advice what to do online - such as taking photos of any bruising that might appear. You can ask to speak to a female officer if you do report

TightlyLacedCorset · 02/05/2026 17:15

category12 · 02/05/2026 17:08

You can't just inform police of a rape and not press charges, @dragracer . Once it's reported, it will be in their hands to decide. It's also not OPs responsibility.

OP should do what's best for her right now.

So once you report an assault it's out of your hands?

I didn't know that.

OneDayEarly · 02/05/2026 17:16

TightlyLacedCorset · 02/05/2026 17:15

So once you report an assault it's out of your hands?

I didn't know that.

Yeah and they can proceed to the CPS without your consent

Charlenedickens · 02/05/2026 17:17

TightlyLacedCorset · 02/05/2026 17:15

So once you report an assault it's out of your hands?

I didn't know that.

Yes the law changed.

LAMPS1 · 02/05/2026 17:19

Treacletarttt · 02/05/2026 16:16

Ive not posted about him before.
I have now blocked him on all forms of contact and social media. I don’t want anything to do with him again and I especially don’t want him near me or my children. I have a supportive family and I am especially close with my mum, but I am struggling, with how I tell her what’s happened. I still feel like I’m in shock, and I feel ashamed for some reason. Sounds silly, I know. But I just don’t know how to go about it.

You have absolutely no reason to feel ashamed or tainted by his deplorable behaviour. But these are the confusing thoughts that you really do need professional guidance for, to help you unravel them. I urge you again, to get hold of your local rape crisis support group just as soon as you feel you can.
It’s impossible alone, to sort out the effects of such an insidious, violent assault on your body, mind - and on all your senses.

For now, just tell your mum that you have ended the relationship as he was disrespectful of your boundaries and you need to keep yourself and your children stable and happy to enjoy the summer.. Or that you didn't want to spend your valuable time arguing or at odds with him.

SpryTaupeTurtle · 02/05/2026 17:22

Charlenedickens · 02/05/2026 17:17

Yes the law changed.

It's always been the case that it's the fiscal in Scotland or the CPS who make a decision whether to arrest and charge if they deem there's enough evidence.

The issue sometimes is that will certain crimes victims feel to scared to report and it makes it harder to get a conviction

Sassylovesbooks · 02/05/2026 17:26

Oh my lovely what you experienced isn't 'rough sex', it's rape. There's nothing to be confused about. He decided he wanted sex with you, and was determined to have sex, regardless if you agreed or not. You repeatedly told him no, and he ignored you. He saw your tears, but still didn't stop and excused his behaviour by saying it was 'rough sex'.

I'm glad you have blocked him on all platforms. Do not let this man back into your life. You need real life support....please contact a rape charity and tell your Mum. You are going to need support. In an ideal world, yes you would report this man to the police but I know that's easier said than done.

Sending you much love and a hug ❤️

WaitingForSomeone · 02/05/2026 17:42

Treacletarttt · 02/05/2026 16:16

Ive not posted about him before.
I have now blocked him on all forms of contact and social media. I don’t want anything to do with him again and I especially don’t want him near me or my children. I have a supportive family and I am especially close with my mum, but I am struggling, with how I tell her what’s happened. I still feel like I’m in shock, and I feel ashamed for some reason. Sounds silly, I know. But I just don’t know how to go about it.

You can report him for rape, even if it comes to nothing, he will then be on the police radar if another report is made.

I am so sorry this happened to you, if
there is anyone you have a close relationship with, it might be good to seek support but obviously it's up to you whether you do. You have nothing to feel ashamed about he is the scumbag. Flowers

Caddycat · 02/05/2026 17:44

Charlenedickens · 02/05/2026 16:51

This is too much, there is nothing to indicate he is a threat to his children. It’s bad enough already you don’t need to try to make it worse.

No there isn't. But I certainly wouldn't want a rapist looking after my daughters.

SpryTaupeTurtle · 02/05/2026 17:48

Charlenedickens · 02/05/2026 16:51

This is too much, there is nothing to indicate he is a threat to his children. It’s bad enough already you don’t need to try to make it worse.

Really? You think someone who displayed that level of violence isn't capable of violence against other people they supposedly love? I'm really concerned for his kids and his kids mother after hearing this

Gingercar · 02/05/2026 17:55

I’m so very sorry to read this. I’m absolutely disgusted at him and so sad for you. Nobody should be treated like that. What a repulsive man and his behaviour/excuses are terrible. You have absolutely nothing to feel embarrassed about. You have done nothing wrong, this is 100% on him. I hope you find the strength to speak to your mum, or even better, Rape Crisis. I know you don’t feel up to reporting him at the moment, but perhaps think about it over the next few days. He shouldn’t just be able to walk away from this and move on to someone else.
But most of all look after yourself. Please tell your mum or a friend and get some support.

ForeverTheOptomist · 02/05/2026 18:00

Your post made me cry. What you have endured is hideous. I can't add much more atm, but I am sending support and love.

Luckyingame · 02/05/2026 18:01

What the last poster said plus bastard needs reporting and tagging for rape.

Andouillette · 02/05/2026 18:02

Treacletarttt · 02/05/2026 16:16

Ive not posted about him before.
I have now blocked him on all forms of contact and social media. I don’t want anything to do with him again and I especially don’t want him near me or my children. I have a supportive family and I am especially close with my mum, but I am struggling, with how I tell her what’s happened. I still feel like I’m in shock, and I feel ashamed for some reason. Sounds silly, I know. But I just don’t know how to go about it.

Oh my dear, I am so sorry you have had this dreadful and frightening experience. This man sounds very dangerous indeed. Please tell your mother, you need her support, and if you can bear to, please go to the police.
A few years ago one of my daughters was raped and I persuaded her to go to the police and to my (and her) great relief they could not have been kinder. She didn't want a rape kit done, or any kind of examination and they were very kind about that too. It was clear that they believed her absolutely which helped greatly. Obviously they couldn't charge the man with no evidence but... put it this way, he was left in no doubt about how the police felt about his behaviour.
PS Please get your locks changed immediately.

Wolfinmamma · 02/05/2026 18:03

You were raped. I'm assuming at this point it's too late for an exam that would prove it. Rape by a partner is pretty hard to prove.
It was still rape. And the way he reacted shows no remorse, he clearly feels completely justified.ntue part about giving you something to cry about is absolutely chilling. That's a threat.
I'm in the USA so in know the laws are different. Here I would call file for a restraining order and have the policy serve him and see him removed from the home. Then go to court for a permanent restraining order. Never ever be alone with him again.
I'd also be talking to his daughter. His behavior showed how he feels about women, how sure are you he hasn't done things to her as well?

Fashionlover123 · 02/05/2026 18:12

I’m so so so sorry this happened to you, sending you love & hugs & hope you have the strength to report him, what an awful awful man. Remember, shame needs to switch sides- he should be the one carrying the shame. xxxx

Wolfinmamma · 02/05/2026 18:13

Texting and getting home to admit it is a great idea.

Swipe left for the next trending thread