Am I paying for too much in my relationship? And for couples how do you pay bills? And is this relationship abusive?

[Username20221]

Me and my GF have been together for nearly 3 years, we have been living together for over a year but at times I feel like im paying for nearly everything. My girlfriend works around 25 hours a week while I work 45-50 hours a week, she gets paid monthly and brings home around £1,300 a month but when it comes to bills/payments I pay for the monthly mortgage (which is 780 a month), I pay for building insurance, both of our life insurances and we also take turns buying shopping. I also pay the rates and most of the time pay for things like oil or appliences like tumble dryers or washing machines.

I also paid the whole deposit for the house (which was 12,500) and other things like solicitor fees.

My GF only pays for the BT, electric and her own car insurances or car finance but then there has been months where she has been skint (because she wanted to go on holidays) and then I've had to pay for everything for like 2 weeks until she gets paid again including giving her money for fuel.

She is 26 and im 27, we plan on having kids but then I just dont think her money management skills are good. I also help out with chours around the house but then she'll moan about having to wash towels saying that "she does everything" even tho I cut the grass, do dishes, wash my own clothes, would sometimes cook dinner, mop the floors etc. She will go mad if I leave a cup instead of just quickly washing it, she has left things at her ass before and instead of complaining I would just quickly clean it.

She also makes jokes like "I'll get another man" which I mostly ignore but then when I said to her "Well I'll get another woman" she would say "but how would you cause you said you struggled getting women before me". Then she'll say "im only joking" but then at times I think she isnt.

Sorry sounds like she is massively taking advantage of your generosity . Tbh your relationship does not sound in great shape and she is not pulling her weight . Please don’t have children either this woman you are not suited to each other.

Nothing to do with money management she is choosing to use it mostly for herself rather than most couples of 50/50 ...don't even think of bringing kids into it or maybe your going to works 24/7 every day to pay for all the baby stuff...Hope you didn't put her on the house deeds she's not putting enough in to claim half of when she leaves

She sounds contemptuous of you and you don’t seem very impressed by her either. Don’t settle for something you know isn’t right out of fear. And don’t assume women aren’t interested in nerdy introverted men. You sound fine.

@Username20221 if you are struggling to make sure the bills are paid due to her financial irresponsibility now, it's gonna be worse with a child to provide for. I wouldn't be giving her money for car finance because she's decided to go on holiday.
It doesn't sound like you work as a team now

This exactly.

And also are you going to be a very high earner?I see someone’s asked what you earn but I can’t see your response.

Because 3-4 kids in this economy is a lot.

More importantly based on your rather limited and narrow view on how things work, I’d suggest you aim for one or two first and see how things go.

Not all women are even physically able to have 4 kids.

If you earn more you pay for more. Not sure what is the issue? You have seen her skint after a holiday? Why don't go you together on holiday so she does not get skint?

Ok, well, all right....since you are talking about kids before you both reach 30 and this is ok if this is what you want, I just left a job where I met some 20smth who have kids and are doing real life, not playing families. Seems both parties communicate with each other and do it properly.

Establish now is she honest when you talk about money and are you, honest too. See how does it go

If you want to have children then you need the right partner. You need to have a good solid relationship and be on the same page.

Does your partner even know you have an expectation of 3-4 children; have you discussed it that, and how you're going to parent them and how you're going to finance them all. Have you discussed what might happen if your children have autism too - that has a huge impact on family life too.

You could have three children once past the age of 30, most definitely. But you absolutely should not have even one in this relationship.

Rather than approaching this as a work project that you need to get finished by a certain deadline, can you say more about why you feel this relationship is stable enough to bring children into?

A family isn't something you can order from a catalogue, and you really shouldn't put yourself in a state of mind where it's either three children with someone you don't even sound as though you like very much, or alone forever. There are plenty of other options. I'd quit this while you're ahead, and find one.