Long friendship but uneven bill splitting is starting to bother me

[ForeverTheOptomist]

I'm talking here about a friendship, and a friendship that I have had since primary school, so about 45years. We had been through life losing contact at times, but are very close again now. I do value her friendship.

I just want to ask how people are about bill splitting? I am happy to cover my side of everything, but I find that it is me picking up the bill too often. So I'll buy first drinks (£24 - London). She'll buy a round. Then I buy another. Then we go home, So I end up paying out nearly £50 for four drinks, and she pays out £24 for two. This isn't an isolated case, and the scenario is boringly monotonous.

Last week she came for drinks at my house. She was dropped off by her hubby, and arrived empty handed. Not the first time. We had a bottle of champagne (a birthday gift from another friend) that was in the wine rack, and the best part of a bottle of SB. That I had bought.

I'm going to touch on our finances, and different states. Sometimes she say that she's broke. She owns AirB&B properties, a business, a brand new top quality German car. She goes on foreign trips sometimes in excess of 3 times a year, long haul. I, meanwhile, do not. I have a night out once or twice a month..

I just wondered what people's thought were, apart from the fact that I'm perhaps being a bit of a mug?

think @SummerFate was "aiming" for the comical tbf LaurenBacal 😉

You may be more familiar with the word “minge”.

This.

I several people who have good finances largely because of how successfully they take advantage of friends and family.

It’s shameful.

I have a friend of many years just like this. I started saying I’m just off to the Loo, can you get me a drink. Otherwise it was the same scenario. She would also always order the most expensive dinner and then want to split the bill. When I eventually spoke up and said I’ll just pay my own she said ‘You’ve got plenty of money, why are you making a big deal about it’. Erm no, we are comfortable but so is she in fact probably more so. I had put up with this sort of thing for years before I eventually put my big girls pants on. Even now if we are in a group she manages to get a sly dig in such as ‘Oh Rusty wouldn’t order that, far too expensive’ I ignore mostly.

Okay if we each pay for ourselves? I'm a bit skint!

And stop inviting her over.

Problem solved.

When out you buy your own - just say you need a tighter hold on your finances as you're saving. When she comes round send a list of what to bring (I've got the red, can you bring white). If she doesn't you then say - oh you're hosting next time then. Just make it really obvious.

Definitely do as suggested - bit skint, can we just pay for our own? It's horrible when you feel like this and gets in your head!

I've had this exact same thing when I seemed to always buy the extra round 'you've got the money'. If had extra cash, what makes you think it's to be spent on extra drinks for you? This person would never pay back for tickets etc - no longer a friend.

How often are you going out to bars and restaurants with her that this is so much of an issue?

Easy one. Just say I’d prefer to get my own drinks this time and rinse and repeat for next 10 years

If you buy the first round and she buys the second, either decline a third round or say 'let's split this one'. When she comes empty handed to your house don't serve champagne, serve the cheap cooking wine or just have tea/coffee/ water.

Just have 2 rounds of expensive drinks! When it comes to the 3rd just say you dont want to spend another chunk, have water or nothing.

Why don’t you go round to her house empty handed instead?

I agree

More than once makes it an issue..

I also think sometimes people with lots of money ca be really insensitive and wouldn’t notice that not getting a round in actually impacts someone’s budget

Because I wouldn't dream of it!

Then perhaps have a rethink about what you are and are not prepared to do.

I rather like the word foof. It means several things, including an 'audible puff of wind'.

This has been really helpful. I'm forming a plan, which includes asking her to bring something if she comes to mine (and the I'll get the white if you get the red scenario is a great one). I'll also be suggesting ways in which to split bills. It's easy if we go to one of our locals, as they open a tab, not so easy if we go anywhere else, and she's usual pretty emphatic as to where so does and doesn't wish to go.

Thanks team MN.

You must know her well enough to say "I think it's your turn".

That's what I would be doing.

Do Monzo. Put everything on one card then split the bill.