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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Found out husband has lied to me

67 replies

Rainday123 · 25/04/2026 13:03

My husband (married with with children) has in the past few weeks had a younger female assistant join his small work team where he is managing her. Part of his job is being present at some evening events occasionally. He had one recently and I asked who went/ who he travelled there with and he said his boss, another colleague and the new assistant. He also text me during the evening later on saying it was finishing up but I found out the next day through seeing a receipt he left that when he text me saying the work event was finishing he had actually been in the pub for an hour or so with some colleagues after the event had already ended. I asked him what it was an he initially lied and said it was part of the venue which it wasn’t. I then found out that his boss who he said he travelled and attended with them hadn’t in fact gone at all. This has made me feel so upset and worried I can’t trust him and that he maybe wanting to entertain things outside our marriage. I don’t know what to do. He lied about these things when texting me but also to me face. When I confronted him he has then backtracked and said I misunderstood what he said or that he lied because he was worried I would be upset with him spending the evening at a work event with this female assistant and so lied in these ways.

OP posts:
MissyB1 · Yesterday 15:00

I would point out to him that he has tied himself up in knots with his lies, and that it’s laughable how much the story keeps changing. Then tell him you will let it go but you want 100% honesty going forward as liars can’t be trusted and there’s no relationship if there’s no trust.

Apprentice26 · Yesterday 15:12

BuildbyNumbere · Yesterday 13:41

Maybe he does have a thing for the new assistant … but does SHE have a thing for a middle aged, married man with kids?!?! 🤔

That’s irrelevant, though, isn’t it? Because she’s not the one that’s married to the OP?
Even if it is one-way traffic, the traffic is coming from her husband and the father of her children

KmcK87 · Yesterday 15:20

BuildbyNumbere · Yesterday 14:33

I’m sure … but 20 v middle aged? Maybe if they are rich or very good looking … likely OP thinking a bit to much of her husband!

Yes even with this age gap. Especially in offices.

Thebigarsedbitch · Yesterday 15:33

millymollymoomoo · 25/04/2026 13:21

What is wrong with him going to the pub with her anyway. I’ve travelled often sometimes alone sometimes with colleagues and gone for drinks or dinner , or gone out after work with a mate colleague

if you’re always this insecure /paranoid he’s just going to not tell you

The problem is that he has lied about how the evening unfolded, which,not unreasonably causes the OP to assume there is more to it than just a casual drink with colleagues.

AhMh67 · Yesterday 15:45

Hard one if it's innocent but he knew you would jump to conclusions and kick off. Yes I would lie also

Apprentice26 · Yesterday 15:54

AhMh67 · Yesterday 15:45

Hard one if it's innocent but he knew you would jump to conclusions and kick off. Yes I would lie also

Then, quite simply you shouldn’t be married or in relationships
No normal person kicks off at the prospect of their other half going for a drink when they have led an entirely blameless life and the marriage is based on trust

ScreamingBeans · Yesterday 16:04

He's laying the groundwork for having an affair.

He may not consciously be aware that he's doing that, but lying to you shows that his mindset is already there.

Dogmum74 · Yesterday 17:48

Sorry, but that is bang out of order and I would be fuming. Not because of the younger female colleague. But the lies. Why did he say his boss had gone? There are only 2 possible options - 1) he is hiding something or 2) you are the sort of wife who would freak out at him going to a work event with a young female colleague and it was easier for him to lie rather than face the grief of you freaking out

Iamhappyasiam · Yesterday 17:54

What’s with all the questioning? He went to a work event, why should he have to report every little detail back to you? Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he just said whatever would keep the peace, because it feels like you’re determined to find something wrong. Being constantly questioned like that is exhausting. I Icouldn’t deal with it either. Don’t let your insecurities get the better of you.

Happysummerrain · Yesterday 18:22

There’s not enough information. It’s relevant to know why you found the receipt and how you know about his boss not being there. Also, as people have already asked, are you usually insecure enough that he is aware you’d be unhappy about him having drinks with colleagues and a woman being there? You say she’s young and you say you’re at home looking after your kids. I think it’s reasonable to tell a small lie or two of the other person is likely to cause a problem over nothing.

FreyaW · Yesterday 20:21

Rainday123 · 25/04/2026 13:27

This seems very unkind- I have no issue with him going to a work event or having a drink but just don’t want to be lied to about it

Maybe stop pushing then.
He already told you why he lied in the first instance

Elmer83 · Yesterday 20:49

millymollymoomoo · 25/04/2026 13:21

What is wrong with him going to the pub with her anyway. I’ve travelled often sometimes alone sometimes with colleagues and gone for drinks or dinner , or gone out after work with a mate colleague

if you’re always this insecure /paranoid he’s just going to not tell you

Are you for real…he lied about it and THAT is the issue.

Ally886 · Today 07:51

Rainday123 · 25/04/2026 13:27

This seems very unkind- I have no issue with him going to a work event or having a drink but just don’t want to be lied to about it

In your husband's situation I would lie also.

If he came home and said he was out with a young assistant would you have left the conversation there or been annoyed? Sounds like he was keeping the peace

soupbucket · Today 09:54

I feel for you OP and I would be upset over the lies and not know what to trust. He has either lied because he is up to no good or he has lied to prevent any worry of fall out.

we don’t know you as a person but I can understand you being at home with the children and your husband out with a young assistant might make you feel uneasy and maybe he knows this and lied to stop you worrying. Only you know deep down what it really is.

Voneska · Today 10:30

Time to start roping him in for some extra childcare; he's obviously got Too Much time on his hands ( been there done that) oh and dont for YOU VISITING A LONG LOST RELATIVE ONE WEEKEND, OR PUTTING IN SOME EXTRA SHIFTS AT WORK while you build up a NEST EGG for your eventual escape. ( ' ...been there...done that) I'm afraid these people dont change, once they've snuffed another pair of pants, they get W0RSE!!!!!!!.....YOU need start acting more scarce. CUT THE INTERROGATUON TACTICS!!!!!! that makes things WORSE!!!!!!! Because it reinforces how BIG these are...holes EGO s are.....START SAVING secretly, you will thank me later.

mochimoons · Today 11:06

Why are you suspicious of this new colleague?

This doesn't really seem like a lie to me just bad communication about something that doesn't really matter i.e. going for a drink after a work event. I probably wouldn't give a fully comprehensive answer about this type of thing to my partner but they wouldn't grill me on it either.

Ally886 · Today 13:00

Voneska · Today 10:30

Time to start roping him in for some extra childcare; he's obviously got Too Much time on his hands ( been there done that) oh and dont for YOU VISITING A LONG LOST RELATIVE ONE WEEKEND, OR PUTTING IN SOME EXTRA SHIFTS AT WORK while you build up a NEST EGG for your eventual escape. ( ' ...been there...done that) I'm afraid these people dont change, once they've snuffed another pair of pants, they get W0RSE!!!!!!!.....YOU need start acting more scarce. CUT THE INTERROGATUON TACTICS!!!!!! that makes things WORSE!!!!!!! Because it reinforces how BIG these are...holes EGO s are.....START SAVING secretly, you will thank me later.

Edited

Is it just me or does this make no sense?

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