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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Found out husband has lied to me

67 replies

Rainday123 · 25/04/2026 13:03

My husband (married with with children) has in the past few weeks had a younger female assistant join his small work team where he is managing her. Part of his job is being present at some evening events occasionally. He had one recently and I asked who went/ who he travelled there with and he said his boss, another colleague and the new assistant. He also text me during the evening later on saying it was finishing up but I found out the next day through seeing a receipt he left that when he text me saying the work event was finishing he had actually been in the pub for an hour or so with some colleagues after the event had already ended. I asked him what it was an he initially lied and said it was part of the venue which it wasn’t. I then found out that his boss who he said he travelled and attended with them hadn’t in fact gone at all. This has made me feel so upset and worried I can’t trust him and that he maybe wanting to entertain things outside our marriage. I don’t know what to do. He lied about these things when texting me but also to me face. When I confronted him he has then backtracked and said I misunderstood what he said or that he lied because he was worried I would be upset with him spending the evening at a work event with this female assistant and so lied in these ways.

OP posts:
ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 13:50

DripDripAprilshower · Yesterday 13:46

I then found out that his boss who he said he travelled and attended with them hadn’t in fact gone at all.

How do you know his Boss wasn’t there? Do you have access to their diary?

More likely that her DH tripped himself up because he couldn’t remember the specific lie he told.

Disturbia81 · Yesterday 13:50

BuildbyNumbere · Yesterday 13:41

Maybe he does have a thing for the new assistant … but does SHE have a thing for a middle aged, married man with kids?!?! 🤔

That’s not the point. He shouldn’t have a thing for her

AquaLeader · Yesterday 13:50

Rainday123 · 25/04/2026 13:27

This seems very unkind- I have no issue with him going to a work event or having a drink but just don’t want to be lied to about it

@Rainday123, with all due respect, there is nothing unkind in what swqa posted.

Why are you jumping to this conclusion?

5128gap · Yesterday 13:54

Its never a good sign in a marriage when one party feels the need to scrutinise every activity to the last detail (does it matter if the event finished at the venue or in a pub? Does it matter if his boss was in the car?) And the other resorts to changing and omitting details they think the other would be displeased about.
If you think he is up to something with his assistant you need to address that. Tell him what in his behaviour makes you doubt him (history of cheating? Mentionitis? Phone guarding? New working late? Change towards you?) Because over examining every detail of his day, questioning him on inconsistencies is going to just make him withhold more information from you, because he won't want to trigger the questioning, whether he's innocent of cheating or not.

shuggles · Yesterday 13:56

Rainday123 · 25/04/2026 13:25

It feels uncomfortable for me as a mum at home caring for our children whilst he is out late at night having drinks in the pub with a twenty something woman and then lying to me about where he was and what he was doing

It's very rare for 20-something women to randomly take an interest in older married men, especially older married men that they work with. You are worrying about something that is very improbable and very unlikely.

Devongirl1983 · Yesterday 14:00

If my DH went out with colleagues (and he does), i’d be asking him about the venue, food, how was his night. If he’s out with colleagues, that’s going to be a mix of male and female colleagues for most jobs.

Did you ask him how his night was with actual interest or was your first question specifically to find out who he was with? If you totally trust your partner, you would not care who he’s socialising with if it’s a work night out (obviously different if just your DH and assistant were meeting alone).

Your comment about being home with the children - do you socialise with friends/collegues if you work?

KmcK87 · Yesterday 14:06

He’s lied to you because he’s upto no good. Please don’t listen to all the “cool wives” telling you you’re being paranoid and insecure.

KmcK87 · Yesterday 14:07

shuggles · Yesterday 13:56

It's very rare for 20-something women to randomly take an interest in older married men, especially older married men that they work with. You are worrying about something that is very improbable and very unlikely.

This is extremely naive. The young assistant/older boss affair scenario is extremely common and a tale as old as time.

Hellohelga · Yesterday 14:13

shuggles · Yesterday 13:56

It's very rare for 20-something women to randomly take an interest in older married men, especially older married men that they work with. You are worrying about something that is very improbable and very unlikely.

Are you kidding?

ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 14:16

shuggles · Yesterday 13:56

It's very rare for 20-something women to randomly take an interest in older married men, especially older married men that they work with. You are worrying about something that is very improbable and very unlikely.

Naive.

JLou08 · Yesterday 14:23

Why are you checking receipts and using them to track his movements?
He could be lying to you because you are controlling and he is scared to be honest. Or he could be cheating/planning to cheat.

shuggles · Yesterday 14:28

KmcK87 · Yesterday 14:07

This is extremely naive. The young assistant/older boss affair scenario is extremely common and a tale as old as time.

I think you've been watching too much TV.

TV is not real life.

BuildbyNumbere · Yesterday 14:28

Disturbia81 · Yesterday 13:50

That’s not the point. He shouldn’t have a thing for her

Everyone gets stupid crushes … even married people, doesn’t have to mean anything will happen.

FettchYeSandbagges · Yesterday 14:29

millymollymoomoo · 25/04/2026 13:21

What is wrong with him going to the pub with her anyway. I’ve travelled often sometimes alone sometimes with colleagues and gone for drinks or dinner , or gone out after work with a mate colleague

if you’re always this insecure /paranoid he’s just going to not tell you

There is nothing wrong with him socialising with colleagues.

There is definitely something wrong when he deliberately lies to his wife about it.

ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 14:29

shuggles · Yesterday 14:28

I think you've been watching too much TV.

TV is not real life.

No but real life is, and having worked in various office scenarios over the course of half a century I can tell you that it absolutely does happen.

BuildbyNumbere · Yesterday 14:30

KmcK87 · Yesterday 14:07

This is extremely naive. The young assistant/older boss affair scenario is extremely common and a tale as old as time.

Haha, yeah in 80s films … or soaps. That’s not real life 🙄

ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 14:30

BuildbyNumbere · Yesterday 14:28

Everyone gets stupid crushes … even married people, doesn’t have to mean anything will happen.

In which case he shouldn’t need to lie to his wife.

KmcK87 · Yesterday 14:31

BuildbyNumbere · Yesterday 14:30

Haha, yeah in 80s films … or soaps. That’s not real life 🙄

I can assure you workplace affairs are absolutely rife in every industry 😅

BuildbyNumbere · Yesterday 14:31

ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 14:30

In which case he shouldn’t need to lie to his wife.

Maybe he had to … likely a SAHM who constantly asking questions and accusing him of things!

Viviennemary · Yesterday 14:32

CocoaTea · 25/04/2026 13:31

She can’t trust him because he lies to her.

Sounds to me as if he lied because he didnt want the third degree and a huge fuss about a drink after a work event. I don't think there is any evidence about this being any more than a work event.

BuildbyNumbere · Yesterday 14:33

KmcK87 · Yesterday 14:31

I can assure you workplace affairs are absolutely rife in every industry 😅

I’m sure … but 20 v middle aged? Maybe if they are rich or very good looking … likely OP thinking a bit to much of her husband!

Sodthesystem · Yesterday 14:36

Even if he didn’t lie to you about it, there’s no reason a married man should be drinking solo with a young woman.

Sorry but for me the trust would be gone. He has disrespected you and lied to you.

If you feel like giving this one last chance I’d be very clear to him “there is absolutely no excuse for what you have done, it is not ok for you to out yourself in a private setting with a lone female colleague. You are a married man. And you’ve also lied to me about it. Which makes me think that you’ve behaved more than just inappropriately. Let me be very clear. If you ever, ever do something like this again, I will leave you. And for now, I want you to find another place of employment”.

And no, this isn’t harsh, he has demonstrated the absolute disrespect to you and now he has to be prepared to do whatever it takes to show he will fight for the marriage. If he can’t do that, leave him. Because he’s not sorry. And we don’t stay will immoral men who frankly, have contempt for us.

DripDripAprilshower · Yesterday 14:49

ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 13:50

More likely that her DH tripped himself up because he couldn’t remember the specific lie he told.

matt leblanc friends GIF

The boss not being there might be the lie!

TheBrynGhost · Yesterday 14:51

I guess you have four choices. One - get over it and forget it in the hope its nothing (not enticing). Two - Confront him over it in which case he will know you are onto him (if there is something to hide). Three - Snoop on his phone and in his car and do everything you can to get to the truth. Four - going silent and watching what he does over the next few weeks and months (possibly with the addition of snooping too, to really get to the bottom of it all).

I would definitely not confront him until I had a lot more knowledge though as he will just become a master at hiding his dodgy doings.

Tillow4ever · Yesterday 14:56

You say he text to say the event ended - it’s possible he sent that when the event ended, but there might not have been a signal, so the message didn’t go through until later? Or maybe that was when they were all calling it a night and heading back to the hotel (or to taxis to go home) and that’s what he meant by the event ending? I’m not sure why it’s an issue that he went to the pub anyway, unless he was supposed to be home by a certain time and he hadn’t let you know he was running late?

Has he given you other reason to doubt him? This one situation alone, in an otherwise happy relationship, doesn’t sound an issue. Or are you having problems at home?

How do you know the boss wasn’t there? How did you find the receipt? Have you gotten jealous previously over other women he works with?