Living apart together … it’s great but feels so strange .

[alloharma]

I’m in an LAT. just a few months in and am really enjoying it as it fulfils my needs and wants as a relationship right now and for the foreseeable future.
But… it feels so strange! It’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a relationship but I’m so used to live bombing and fast movement in a relationship and planning the future for love bombing partners in the past it feels steady and lovely and peaceful and slow. We only see each other once per week on average but it feels amazing but odd.
Anyone else feel this at the start? Maybe it’s because I’ve never had this before and we live an hour away from one another .
Does it change or settle into a new way of being ? .

Same.

Presumably, you wouldn't be living together after a few months anyway?

Why the need for a label, announcement or introspection? It's just a relationship. And, if it works for you, then great.

It may change - if 1 or both of you change your mind

And don't plan to ever live with. That's the distinguishing factor in a LAT relationship.

But, after a few months, surely no one has decided to live together. I'm still not sure why it needs a label or an announcement. I mean, in the real world, close friends and family might ask if you have any plans to move in after a few years together but it's not really a big deal.

I was in a 2 year relationship and had no plans to live with him for various reasons. I didn't describe it as LAT. It just was what it was. And this relationship is only a few months old. Anything could happen in the next few months.

It just means she’s got a new bloke.

And, no offence OP, it hardly sounds like much of a relationship.

You live an hour apart and see each other once a week…

You’re dating.

This is... just a completely normal relationship, though? What's different from any other relationship where you don't live together?

Why the nastiness these days on mumsnet?
No need for it.

It’s not nastiness, it’s exhaustion from
people constantly labelling things that are entirely normal and have been entirely normal since day dot, as though they’re reinventing the wheel.

I said “no offence”…

This.

The other thing is that right now, at this stage in her life and with this man, the OP thinks she never wants to live with him or any other man again.

And that belief/feeling might persist. And if it does, it still doesn't need a label!

The problem is that once people label something or themselves, it makes it harder to change it if you change your mind because it indicates a fixed state rather than allowing for the normal flux of life.

And no one else really cares 🤷🏻‍♀️

If any of the women who've posted on here in actual long term relationships where they don't live together wanted to post to share their experiences or chat with others about the pros/cons, that would be different. But coming on the Internet just to describe someone you've been seeing for a few months as a LAT relationship is ridiculous and unnecessary.

Does it need a label due to insecurity?

A few months into a new relationship you seem to be at a totally normal stage. If you never live together you never live together but why do you need to label your relationship now?

Living apart together is being in a long term seriously committed relationship but living separately.

A relationship of a few months is not that. You're in a new long distance relationship, if you really want a label.

Yes maybe that’s all true thanks

Lol I have a lot of bengali friend. Marriage usually comes within a few months of meeting

Everyone is different, some prefer to not live with a BF while others want to move in after a few years or earlier. I was the type who refused point blank to ever live with a BF, I need my own space, can't bear the thought of sharing a bedroom with a snoring, farting, sweaty man who stinks out the toilet every day and picks his toenails on the sofa. It's so much easier to enjoy a date, meal, shag, then kick them out the door with a cheery 'see you next week'.
DH is the only partner I've ever lived with and that's only because we have DC together, I expect him to look after them equally.

I'm often agog at how quickly people rush to move in. Almost every other day there are threads on the relationships board where the OP needs advice to get rid of a man who turns out to be controlling/coke addict/cocklodger/shower avoider/heavy drinker/porn addict/lazy arse who wants a maid. I want to say, 'well if you hadn't moved in so quickly he'd be easier to get rid of'.