Living apart together … it’s great but feels so strange .

[alloharma]

I’m in an LAT. just a few months in and am really enjoying it as it fulfils my needs and wants as a relationship right now and for the foreseeable future.
But… it feels so strange! It’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a relationship but I’m so used to live bombing and fast movement in a relationship and planning the future for love bombing partners in the past it feels steady and lovely and peaceful and slow. We only see each other once per week on average but it feels amazing but odd.
Anyone else feel this at the start? Maybe it’s because I’ve never had this before and we live an hour away from one another .
Does it change or settle into a new way of being ? .

I don’t really get it.

If you’re enjoying it and it fulfils your needs that’s what matters!

my ideal (and future plan with bf/DP) is he moves to the same village in walking distance but we have our own places. As it’s likely one or both of us might have kids living with us for some time. I’m not sure once a week would be enough for me if I loved the person but do what works for you

What to not get?

It's a relationship. A couple as it were. They have the same level of commitment as any other couple. They plan the same holidays, date nights in and out, dinners with friends, etc. but they both maintain their own separate homes. Saves all the hassle and grief of blending families and forcing your kids to live with a stranger, but with all the benefits of a long term dedicated partner.

I love it. None of the arguments about bills or who's washing up. 5 years in it still feels special the nights we're together.

What don't you get?

I guess I don’t get why it needs another label, or title. It’s just a relationship.

But surely if you've only been together a few months you wouldn't be thinking about living together yet in any relationship?!

After a few months, you wouldn’t be living together or planning a future anyway though. After five years like a PP then I understand the label. How quickly did you know that you were even a couple, so to speak?

I don't get it either so fuckoffeebeforecoffee you are not alone. You have a girlfriend/boyfriend/partner you don't live with. What's strange about that. Or did you live together before so this is a change?

Why does it feel strange not to be living together after only a few months? Surely that’s normal or am I missing something?

I read it as a few months into LAT, not a few months into the relationship. Rereading the OP, maybe I'm wrong! They are two different situations so hopefully OP can clarify

I don't think this is what people mean when they say LAT relationship. You are only a few months into a relationship, so what you are doing is just dating someone. LAT relationships are more long-term relationships or even marriages where you have no plans of living together.

And don't plan to ever live with. That's the distinguishing factor in a LAT relationship.

Given the standard expectation of a conveyor belt of "date -> cohabit" with optional "engagement" and "marriage" steps, having names for relationship models that defy that expectation makes sense.

Oh yes it could be that I guess - they've had the conversation and decided it's an LAT. I read it the other way, but it could be this too, fair enough.

Sorry. It’s a few months into relationship. I will not ever be living with a partner so if this proceeds regardless of timelines, It will always be a LAT relationship.

Good grief who on earth even thinks that after a few months. Who even thinks they’re in a LAT when they’ve only just met. You’re in a normal relationship. We moved in together after 6 years. A few months in he was my new boyfriend and the living together or not bit wasn’t even a token thought

They’ve only been together a few months. They’re not LAT, they barely know each other

So basically you are dating someone you will never live with. How strange to call it the label you have given in. You are dating someone a few months is all.

What does LAT stand for ?

cant you explain why you are adamant that this is your future?

Living apart together. It basically means you live your lives as you are in a long-term committed partnership/marriage but don't live together. It's not normally used when you have just been dating someone a short while because you are not really partners at that point.

You’re only a few months in. I’ve been married to DH for 7 years, together for 9 and we have never cohabited. I would just say you’re in a a new relationship that’s all.

Are we not calling that dating any more?

You’re dating someone you’re never going to live with. That’s normal for dating so the surprise that you like it is a bit confusing. Most people feel like this in early dating.
If you get 2-3 years in and you want to stay together but not live together that’s the time to think about LAT longer term. But not now. You barely know each other.

OP do you usually move in with all your boyfriends really quickly?

25years+ LAT now. I can tell you hand on heart it is the best recipe for a great relationship. But we are all different, and it doesn't/wouldn't suit everyone.

As I always say, if it's good enough for Charles and Camilla, it's good enough for us!

I agree. This is just a normal relationship in its early days. Living apart together is surely what people call a long-term relationship (either married or not) where they love in different homes, doesn't it?.