Husband’s gym friendship with a younger woman is making me uncomfortable

[Shinia]

I know there’s been tones of these, and the general consensus is to ‘leave him’, or ‘you’re stupid for putting up with it’ but I’m trying to see if i can get some other advice please.

I feel my husband has got too close to another girl at the gym. She’s married too, but I think thats irrelevant in this scenario.

I don’t go myself, but other people I know go, and tell me this information. Apparently they chat throughout the whole workout. She literally follows him everywhere he goes like a little puppy dog, to the water machine, and even followed him out to the toilet before
and waited outside. They message each other on social media, ranging from just ‘chit chat’ to sending ‘gym memes’.

She’s a lot younger than my husband and I’m wondering whether this little gym crush is a bit of a mid life crisis. She is very pretty so I can imagine a lot of the men there find her attractive.

She’ll voicenote him random things when she’s at work, and send videos of her just chatting to him. He has told me / shown me the majority of these so its not like it’s a secret, but I’m very uncomfortable with the whole situation. I’ve told him there’s not much I can do about them chatting at the gym but I don’t like the messaging inbetween. He says he won’t delete her on socials, or start ignoring her messages because it would be awkward when he next sees her. He has pretty much told me he finds her attractive but said ‘they’re just friends’. He’s never had another ‘girl friend’ throughout our whole 8+ years married. So it just seems odd he suddenly has 1 now with someone he finds attractive.

Other than this we have no issues in our marriage at all. He’s a good Dad, provides for us etc. I just don’t know what to do going forward cuz I feel so uncomfortable about the whole thing.

Please be kind and thank you for any advice in advance xx

Been here and living thru the aftermath here. Yes it does only seem to be pretty young women doesn't it. He thinks showing you some of the messages and saying he finds her attractive but we are just friends means that its all ok. It isn't. The fact he cares more about her reaction then yours speaks volumes. I am not saying leave him but I would say that you are in a rock and a hard place. So this other woman's feelings are more important then yours. Her saying to him 'I like men with gym bodies' is almost disrespectful of her own husband. Do you want to join the gym? Do it. I rung the woman, who was chasing my husband, husband at work and told him what she was doing and they are now getting a divorce as he was non the wiser what his wife was up to.

I’ve seen this loads in gyms and now I come to think of it, I guess there are some ”gym wife” type situations that are similar to “work wife” situations. Some of them are just two people with something in common and one or two are affairs, but I can think of there’s that went on for years under the ex-wife’s nose. Of course people talk about it as it caused confusion, not to mention nosiness. My point is, it happens. Of course you shouldn’t have to do this if you don’t want to but joining the gym might change the dynamic.

Now that I'd like to see!

All of this. 💯

If they both work out at the gym and chat there, how and why did she get his phone number/ why add each other on social media?
I chat to people (male and female) at activities and classes etc I go to, but the chat stays at the venue, only in person, picks up again the following week, nobody ever feels the need to socialise via phone in any way (chat/ message etc) in between.
Nobody should be sending your husband posey photos and videos in gym gear asking if he likes their new trout pout. I’d bet my house her husband doesn’t know she’s doing it. Your husband should tell her he wants the videos and messages to stop as he respects you and your marriage and it’s not appropriate. He should block her and keep any communication in person at the gym.
Enough of this nonsense now, it’s ridiculous , definitely crosses too many lines for me. Sorry OP.

Ive seen alot of replies advising you to, put your foot down, or confront the young woman, take charge and let him know this isnt on, etc. Putting the onus on you to do something about the fact your husband is getting close to another woman. Save your marriage! If you were behaving like this with a fit man at the gym, hes messaging you etc do you think your husband would be fine with it? Its not what you want to hear but you are better than this. He wants a wife at home taking care of him while he flirts with another woman at the gym (and sorry, the only ppl that follow me to the loo are my kids) leave this disrespectful shit with the fauning young lady he doesnt want to upset, and start putting yourself first, you'll have one less to run around for, and I know you know deep down you deserve better. I'd NEVER treat the man I loved like this, and im sure you wouldnt either. Why is it ok that he is behaving like this? Its not, full stop.