Husbands hygiene

[doctorharvey]

My husbands hygiene has never been great, and it's always effected our sex life because I know he's never clean. I notice he goes days without showering even though he knows he'll smell. I remember one time he put on underwear after getting out of the shower, and the underwear had a bit of pee on them (he had only put them on a few hours prior) after going to the toilet, I was so repulsed by it and I called him out on it but he laughed it off.

Anyway, yesterday it had been 3 days in between him washing himself, and he had a bath. When I walked onto the bathroom the smell of BO and dirty penis was overwhelming and I asked if the smell was him, to which he responded "What smell?". I told him, and he acted like he couldn't remember the last time he'd showered, so I reminded him it had been 3 days, to which he argued it was really 2 days. Correct me if I'm wrong, but Wednesday > Saturday is 3 days, right?

Even when I want to kiss him I know his breathe will smell bad, also, his beard always smells off, so that adds to it.

How do I tell him his hygiene is a huge turn off for me without humiliating him?

Just tell him straight before someone else does and does humiliate him.

I've done it myself. I work in live music and one support band I've worked with several times has a husband and wife in it. Actually its made up of two married couples and a singer.
Anyway. The guitar player absolutly stinks of BO. Like take your breath away bad.
First time I worked with them I told him it was unacceptable to expect anyone to work with him smelling like that and told him to go back to the hotel to wash. He laughed it off until he realised I wasnt laughing. He came back slightly less smelly but still in the same clothes. His wife appologised for him and said she'd tried talking to him as had the rest of the band but he always brushes it off. I told him that if he ever walks onto my stage smelling like that again the band will be removed and they will not play that night.

Well. Next gig he absolutly stank again at sound check. So I confronted him on the stage telling him to pack up all his stuff and go because it is unacceptable to ask people to work near him. I did this very loudly and with the other bands and crew all standing infront of the stage. I told him that if he has that little respect for himself, his band and his wife he has no place on my stage. My tirade lasted for a few minutes as i figured he needed something he could not brush off and I am well used to dealing with egos and making it clear that I am in charge.

It worked and his wife and band thanked me. He very sheepishly asked for another chance and he will go and shower and change. He did. They did play and since then he has not smelled when on my stage.

I know his wife appreciates it but was sorry it had to come to that.

Just tell your husband straight and in a way he cannot hide from. Humiliation may be needed. Honesty certainly is needed. And its far better coming from you.

Honestly he will be embarrassed if he ever realises how disgusting he’s become. It’s better it comes from you. Even a simple : “you’re an adult man, you need to shower every day and brush your teeth twice a day. Not doing so makes you smell terrible, and that’s affecting our sex life because you’re genuinely dirty.”

This is a wind up right

To be fair, if he goes days without washing, I’d be asking him why he thinks it’s ok to get in a bath and sit in his dirt. He needs a shower or 3 before a bath. But I suppose anything is better than nothing at this point. If you genuinely know he isn’t depressed, and by this I mean asked him several times and there are no other signs. Then if I was you, I wouldn’t feel like you are humiliating him by just telling him how you feel. That is your home too and you deserve to live there without the offensive smell of dirty penis and BO for your own wellbeing.

When we moved house 2 hrs away, we invited our friends to stay with us for a long weekend. They brought their teenage son with them. That boy had the worst BO I have ever smelled. For the first 24 hrs I managed to keep quiet and stay upwind of him, but by the afternoon of the following day my whole spare room reeked of BO.

i told him to please go and take a shower. He did go and shower after several reminders but reappeared wearing the same smelly shirt. I then had to practically bribe him to take it off and put it in the washing machine (apparently it was his favourite shirt and wore it all the time)

Anyway, I was so disgusted that it fell on me to tell their son he needed to wash, that I never invited them again.

For anyone reading this, who has a family member who stinks, please deal with it at home and don’t inflict it on friends or colleagues, it is bloody embarrassing to have to tell a grown up that they smell, more so if you are not their wife/mother.