Husbands hygiene

[doctorharvey]

My husbands hygiene has never been great, and it's always effected our sex life because I know he's never clean. I notice he goes days without showering even though he knows he'll smell. I remember one time he put on underwear after getting out of the shower, and the underwear had a bit of pee on them (he had only put them on a few hours prior) after going to the toilet, I was so repulsed by it and I called him out on it but he laughed it off.

Anyway, yesterday it had been 3 days in between him washing himself, and he had a bath. When I walked onto the bathroom the smell of BO and dirty penis was overwhelming and I asked if the smell was him, to which he responded "What smell?". I told him, and he acted like he couldn't remember the last time he'd showered, so I reminded him it had been 3 days, to which he argued it was really 2 days. Correct me if I'm wrong, but Wednesday > Saturday is 3 days, right?

Even when I want to kiss him I know his breathe will smell bad, also, his beard always smells off, so that adds to it.

How do I tell him his hygiene is a huge turn off for me without humiliating him?

Would most people here be tempted to end a marriage over hygiene?

You've tolerated his disgusting habits for so long, I don't know that you're in a position to expect change now. It's unlikely he will even acknowledge you deserve a clean husband, when you've accepted an unwashed for so long. He may even deflect with arguments of your head being turned by someone with decent hygiene standards ☹️.

If unaddressed despite multiple warnings then yes. It is hugely disrespectful and quite frankly grim to live with.

Can we stop with AI cut and paste please.

Yes totally. Because unless someone is ill ( mentally or physically) they should have enough respect for themselves and those around then to keep themselves clean.
If not they just show a complete disregard for your feelings.
It really is disgusting

Just be direct and factual 'you smell, you need to go and wash yourself.'

Or you could say 'you have to start bathing daily' if you've noticed he hasn't been by a certain time, then remind him 'you've not had your bath yet.' Or after you've had yours, start running his and tell him 'I've left your bath running.'

I dont know how you're putting up with it. Just reading your post makes me feel sick. The bathroom smells like what?!🤮

Watching with interest and sympathy, OP. I'm currently experiencing a similar situation and have tried the gentle approach with no results, just being met with laughter and treating the dirty clothes and lack of basic hygiene as a joke. I'm contemplating more direct action and wondering how to go about it without causing massive offence.

This kind of hygiene issues - absolutely. I just could not bear it. I don't think I'd have a choice!

My partner occasionally skips a day of showering when he hasn't been to the gym/been particularly active, and although he rarely smells, he knows it bothers me. I ask him to please shower, he laughs, rolls his eyes and goes to have a shower. If he actually reacted badly to my requests or refused to take this seriously, over time, it would be a deal-breaker.

Fucking hell, asking an AI... Haven't people got brains anymore

Couldn’t be bothered to have to micro manage the washing habits of a full grown adult. I’m just sitting here thinking he’s a filthy bastard. Sorry.

What about his work place? Does he have a work environment with others or work within a place he's interacting with consumers as I bet they've noticed he smells.

Honestly if you can’t have a real conversation I think that’s half the problem. Don’t you just want to say ‘start washing you smelly bastard. You stink!’

I really don't understand why you are worried about offending a person who didn't care about offending you with their disgusting lack of hygiene?
Why are there feelings more important than yours?

I’ve recently introduced a showering everyday rule in my house as my partner and kids are soap dodgers. It had got to the point where I was embarrassed of my partner and worried the kids would get bullied at school. I’ve had to shout a few times but mostly I just hand them a towel and point. My partner has made parenting so difficult as it’s very hard to enforce rules when he won’t abide by them.

100% yes. Having a dirty stinking husband is unacceptable to me. I’d rather be on my own than have to deal with someone gross like that in my home and in my bed.

I’m sorry but I’d probably lose my shit over this. He’s not a child that needs to be reminded to wash. He’s an adult. Disrespect for you.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Do you have kids? He should do it as an example to them.

@doctorharvey outside if the face you don’t want to share intimacy with him let alone a bedroom. What is there in the marriage that keeps you.

not what he’s like as a father yada yada. You and him. What’s there?

if you lived on your own and separated - what would life look like in 5 years when it’s all calmed down and settled and sorted?

Why on earth would he change now then?

Your request is actually unreasonable. It's you that's changed, not him.

I mean it’s a sad phenomenon, but nothing we can do about it. However we can do something here on the website, please can mumsnet create a rule that bans the AI cut and paste? Then when posts are reported the immediately get deleted? It’s so fucking grim reading a thread and coming up to a post with “oh I aSkEd cHaTgPT aNd HeRe is wHaT it sAiD” followed by the cut and past of the LLM’s regurgitations. It’s not only sad, it’s extremely annoying.

That's fucking disgusting.
Please don't tell me you have sex with this person and his stinking penis 🤮

Just tell him. It doesn't need to be offensive, just tell him you can't tolerate it any more, and that you need him to shower daily, brush teeth twice daily, wear clean clothes daily.

@Sugarsugarcane

please take note. If we wanted AI bollocks we'd ask AI for if, this is a forum for humans to connect, not computers.

@doctorharvey

If you're thinking about leaving him, you have nothing to lose by telling him he needs to up his game. I'd tell him daily showering & twice daily tooth brushing is the absolute minimum requirement if he doesn't want to separate.

if he's humiliated, so what? He should Be embarrassed he needs telling.

I was just going to ask this. Surely it’s an issue at work?
To answer you’re question about ending the marriage, it’s not just the hygiene it’s the total disrespect he is showing you and your home, and any one else he comes into contact with.

It's not even as if it was a technical question, it's merely opinion. It's ridiculous, what is the point?