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Turned off by husband’s fantasy

62 replies

Calidor · 09/04/2026 14:32

DH has a particular fantasy and is really getting me down. He fantasises about me going to bed with someone else. Every time we make love it’s all he talks about before, during and after, and now I’m beginning to dread having sex. I’ve tried talking to him about it but he says it’s only a bit of fun, but it’s really not fun for me and I actually am turned off by it all. He is adamant that I will do it one day, but I really hate the very idea. Any advice on how to deal with this?

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 09/04/2026 15:20

UpDownAllAround1 · 09/04/2026 14:35

Don’t have sex with him

I wouldn’t have a life with him.

You’re married to a creep. I wouldn’t trust him with my safety.

Slightlyheadachy · 09/04/2026 15:30

“Zip it DH, it does nothing for me, in fact I get the ick when you go on about this”

Anyahyacinth · 09/04/2026 15:30

Yuck

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 09/04/2026 15:31

I have the same fantasy @Calidor .

I brought it up with DP as part of an overall conversation about fantasies and things we'd like to try early-ish into our relationship 20 years ago.

She was very much in the "Nope, that's not happening" camp and so that was the last time I ever brought it up. There were also a few things she wanted to try that I wasn't into and so she hasn't brought them up again either.

In the intervening years, we have occasionally talked about it during sex, just as dirty talk, as a way of heightening things. But it's always been clear that its just a fantasy, not something real, and when we've done it it's something that she's started, she knows it's something that turns me on, and she's willing to indulge me on that limited basis.

That as far as I'm concerned is the only way this sort of thing can work. I have a kink. Mentioning it once to test the waters is fine. Continually going on about it in order to try and pressure your partner into going along with it very much is not.

If I couldn't live with that kink remaining a personal fantasy, then DP wouldn't be the woman for me, and I should end the relationship rather than try and pressure her into it.

OP, your husband is trying to force you into thinking about and doing something you don't want to do. That's not something a loving partner does. I'd be telling him that if he ever mentions it to you again, then you're leaving him. And I'd mean it.

supersop60 · 09/04/2026 15:32

Oh yuk.
You are not a porn actor that he can just direct in his own special movie!
I’d also be wondering if this was leading to him sleeping with other women.
Its not good, OP.

Anyahyacinth · 09/04/2026 15:33

Forresty · 09/04/2026 15:05

That's really not how it works with fetishes. It won't go away.

Presumably he can masturbate and imagine it...why would he need to hurt his partner? Seriously....Equality??? Anybody??

Charlize43 · 09/04/2026 15:36

Next time he starts up, confess that you fantasise about him being roughly fucked by a 6ft rugby player with a massive cock. Tell him it really turns you on, but that it's only a bit of fun. Tell him that you are adamant that he will do it one day, and you know someone at work for has a gay friend who fits the bill and may be up for it. Say 'He's gonna rip you apart and you're gonna love it!' with a wild look in your eyes and then laugh excitedly.

See how he reacts. The following week up it to two well hung rugby players.

Keep a picture of Frans Malherbe on your phone.

That should resolve the situation for you.

begonefoulclutter · 09/04/2026 15:37

Forresty · 09/04/2026 15:05

That's really not how it works with fetishes. It won't go away.

The fetish won't go away no, but at least the OP won't be having unwilling sex with someone whose fantasies revolt her.

lessglittermoremud · 09/04/2026 15:39

“Fred, this fantasy of yours about me having sex with someone else is NEVER going to happen, you’re not listening, not respecting me and if you don’t stop going on and on about it, I will be walking away from our relationship because you only think about your own wants and needs, which is actually quite abusive”
Then walk if he continues…

Holesinmesocks · 09/04/2026 15:45

I've divorced a husband for less that what OP is describing and became a single parent of 4 young kids.
I don't take any shit from anyone especially a man.

DripDripAprilshower · 09/04/2026 15:59

Find yourself a man who doesn’t want you to sleep with another man.

Sartre · 09/04/2026 16:02

Just make it clear you absolutely won’t be sleeping with him unless he stops chatting shit about you screwing someone else…

wheresmymojo · 09/04/2026 16:08

Natural consequences approach. Every time he starts talking about it remind him that you find it a big turn off and get up and make yourself a cup of tea or whatever instead of having sex.

No-one is obliged to indulge their partner’s fantasies if they’re not into it; and it’s not like his life is over if he doesn’t get every sexual fantasy fulfilled.

wheresmymojo · 09/04/2026 16:09

Charlize43 · 09/04/2026 15:36

Next time he starts up, confess that you fantasise about him being roughly fucked by a 6ft rugby player with a massive cock. Tell him it really turns you on, but that it's only a bit of fun. Tell him that you are adamant that he will do it one day, and you know someone at work for has a gay friend who fits the bill and may be up for it. Say 'He's gonna rip you apart and you're gonna love it!' with a wild look in your eyes and then laugh excitedly.

See how he reacts. The following week up it to two well hung rugby players.

Keep a picture of Frans Malherbe on your phone.

That should resolve the situation for you.

also this

category12 · 09/04/2026 16:17

Basically he's told you his plan is to wear down your resistance until you do what he wants.

And should you do it, there's a good chance that the reality of cuckoldry will either go wrong and he'll resent you - or it will simply fuel his obsession.

He's not listening to your nos, or taking you seriously, so I'd actually be thinking it's the doom of your relationship.

Fgs don't end up doing something you don't want to do because he won't let up about it.

CapacityBrown · 09/04/2026 16:19

Yes, sounds like he's into all that cuck stuff to me.

CapacityBrown · 09/04/2026 16:21

Charlize43 · 09/04/2026 15:36

Next time he starts up, confess that you fantasise about him being roughly fucked by a 6ft rugby player with a massive cock. Tell him it really turns you on, but that it's only a bit of fun. Tell him that you are adamant that he will do it one day, and you know someone at work for has a gay friend who fits the bill and may be up for it. Say 'He's gonna rip you apart and you're gonna love it!' with a wild look in your eyes and then laugh excitedly.

See how he reacts. The following week up it to two well hung rugby players.

Keep a picture of Frans Malherbe on your phone.

That should resolve the situation for you.

I would strongly suggest against this, as I imagine that this would be want he wants as this seems like a cuck fetish to me.

Owly11 · 09/04/2026 16:26

Every single time he mentions it immediately stop having sex with him and then refuse to have sex for a couple of weeks. If he does it again, immediately stop having sex with him and don't have sex with him for three weeks this time. If he still doesn't get the message, rinse and repeat adding a week to the sex ban each time. He will eventually learn that you have boundaries that you will stick to.

jellyfish798 · 09/04/2026 16:28

No sex til he stops. It would make me lose respect in my OH if he wanted this. You're obviously not interested in this idea and he should respect that.

Crikeyalmighty · 09/04/2026 16:29

Coldiron · 09/04/2026 14:37

Tell him he’s right, you probably will end up doing it one day - after you have divorced him for being a massive twat

Yep that would be my response

Besidemyselfwithworry · 09/04/2026 16:29

UpDownAllAround1 · 09/04/2026 14:35

Don’t have sex with him

This!
i wouldn’t entertain this he’d be dumped
by now!

CinnamonBuns67 · 09/04/2026 17:45

Ewww. Adamant you will do it one day? Who does he think he is? It's your body and if you say no that means no, not push and push. If my husband asked me this once it'd be relationship over, I'd feel not valued by him.

ProudAmberTurtle · 09/04/2026 17:48

There's also a link between being a cuck and transgenderism.

I'd check he's not been wearing your underwear.

Firesidechatter · 09/04/2026 18:04

So why do you keep shagging him. And what do you mean he’s adamant you will do it.are you in an abusive relationship? It feels like you are.

Hammy19 · 09/04/2026 19:04

Calidor · 09/04/2026 14:32

DH has a particular fantasy and is really getting me down. He fantasises about me going to bed with someone else. Every time we make love it’s all he talks about before, during and after, and now I’m beginning to dread having sex. I’ve tried talking to him about it but he says it’s only a bit of fun, but it’s really not fun for me and I actually am turned off by it all. He is adamant that I will do it one day, but I really hate the very idea. Any advice on how to deal with this?

Just tell him, if he carries on then there is an excellent chance that you will end up going to bed with someone else

But that he certainly won't be there