Intense jealousy after miscarriage and neighbour friendship, will these feelings pass?

[IrrationalLobster]

I’ve developed intense jealousy and don’t know what to do. DP used to be quite chatty with a neighbour but she’s recently become single around Xmas time the same time as I had a MC and I just can’t cope.
DP to be fair has said he understands and my mind is just grieving and it’s probably temporary so he has ceased all contact with her (he gave her a lift a lot of days to school since Xmas with her dc as he does school run) and they used to chat a lot.
She did make a remark to me one day when she knocked to ask to speak to him and I said sorry but no.
I am having therapy but it’s so intense and I’ve never had this before. Will it pass?

I’d probably be jealous too tbh. Sounds as if she was being too friendly.

Don’t be too hard on yourself and I’m sorry for your loss.

I want to say to him as well that after the Easter holidays I don’t want him to do the lifts anymore to school. He helped from Xmas up till last week and I feel that’s enough time for her to restart doing it herself and the weather will be better

Oh definitely! She can sort out her own lifts.

Honestly, you feel how you feel, but it’s yours to deal with and shouldn’t dictate anyone else’s behaviour. Are you discussing it in therapy? I’m sorry about the miscarriage.💐

Yes I’ve been talking it through. I do know it’s irrational but I also feel that he has helped enough now as a separate issue

But why would he need to stop being ordinarily friendly and neighbourly because you’ve developed an intense, apparently baseless jealousy? Are you saying you think he’s sexually attracted to her all of a sudden, now that she’s single?

How much communication does he have with this neighbour??

DP to be fair has said he understands

so he should quit talking to the neighbour. I mean…. She’s a neighbour. He presumably works, has family commitments, a life… how much time is he even able to expend chatting to the neighbour? Either way, it should make little odds to him whether or not he ever chats to her again

This if op had been on saying her dp has forbidden her from talking to men?
is it just this woman op or any women?
Are you ok with him telling the reason why he can’t help with the dc anymore for school run?
if you did school run and it’s pissing down will you just drive past then?

I'm really sorry about your miscarriage OP.

I don't blame you for being uncomfortable about the situation with your neighbour. Something obviously seems a bit off with how close she is getting to your H otherwise you wouldn't be feeling the way you are about her.

It's not up to your H to facilitate her life. And if he really understands how you are feeling then the lifts should stop. Shesis an adult and should be able to make her own arrangements.

Or the OP is being irrationally jealous and controlling and just needs to deal with that?

Even if I wasn’t jealous she needs to stand on her own two feet now and learn to drive or get the bus/taxi. He’s helped for a whole term .

I don’t know I just know that since the MC and him helping her I feel jealous . I can’t say exactly why but that’s what I’m working on in therapy as well as the loss.

You don’t get to dictate what someone else ‘needs to’ do, though. Your own behaviour is the only thing you can control here.

I’m going to ask him to let her know the lifts won’t be continuing after the holidays. I need to prioritise my MH and relationship and he will understand.

How far away is the school?

I’m hoping the therapy helps as well I’ve never been jealous in my life so I want to stop it asap but I do think it’s a reaction to the MC and as if that loss has triggered my mind to then worry about other types of loss?

25 min walk

I am so sorry for your loss 💐.

What did she knock on the door for? What did she want to speak to
him about that she couldn’t speak to you about when you answered the door?

Summer term

fgs no one should be driving

She wanted to ask him a favour about an appointment

I'm sorry for the miscarriage, it's genuinely awful and I feel for you, however your behaviour is controlling and you need to seek some help.

Why don’t you suggest to her that she and you share walking pick up and drop offs ie you walk them in the morning and she collect in afternoon.

25 mins is nothing

You shouldn't dictate what he does, because of your grief. Do you expect him to blank her and drive past her on the way to school when she hasn't actually done anything wrong except become single?

I am having weekly therapy. I’m also removing triggers to calm my nervous system