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Original poster

Intense jealousy after miscarriage and neighbour friendship, will these feelings pass?

127 replies

IrrationalLobster · 02/04/2026 08:20

I’ve developed intense jealousy and don’t know what to do. DP used to be quite chatty with a neighbour but she’s recently become single around Xmas time the same time as I had a MC and I just can’t cope.
DP to be fair has said he understands and my mind is just grieving and it’s probably temporary so he has ceased all contact with her (he gave her a lift a lot of days to school since Xmas with her dc as he does school run) and they used to chat a lot.
She did make a remark to me one day when she knocked to ask to speak to him and I said sorry but no.
I am having therapy but it’s so intense and I’ve never had this before. Will it pass?

OP posts:
Wildgoat · 02/04/2026 10:41

Farewelltothatid · 02/04/2026 10:37

Why do posters such as yourself always jump into hyperbole to mock and deride those who have a different view point?

I take it you are one of the "Cool wives" who refuses to acknowledge that friendships can develop into emotional attachments? This situation has all the potential for that happening.

I would assume OP.is calling it irrational jealousy because she hopes that's what it is and that she feels that is the best way to describe the feeling of unease she iis experiencing.

Edited
Show quote history

Ok, I’m not sure this is the thread where you should be attacking other posters for supporting the op. And honestly the phrase cool wife is jist desperate now, it’s so over used, it is embarrassing for anyone using it.

i think maybe you’ve let your own issues over come you. This is about the op and helping her. Declaring she’s wrong and her husband is looking to cheat on her and attacking anyone who disagrees, is really not helpful,

queenMab99 · 02/04/2026 10:48

I have never been a jealous person, and spent 4 years thinking (and being told) that I was paranoid, due to being menopausal.
My experience wasn't my husband giving lifts, but chatting to another mum at school pickup, then helping each other out when either was delayed, until I got a phone call saying my son hadn't been picked up, so had to dash from work, to school to get him. Her son had been collected by his grandmother, as my husband and the other mum were off on a jolly in the lake district, but my husband hadn't bothered making any arrangements for our 7 year old son. This didn't become apparent at the time, it went on for another 3 years. I would never have believed it of him or her. It doesn't do to be too trusting, but then if they are going to cheat they will anyway.

Wildgoat · 02/04/2026 10:57

queenMab99 · 02/04/2026 10:48

I have never been a jealous person, and spent 4 years thinking (and being told) that I was paranoid, due to being menopausal.
My experience wasn't my husband giving lifts, but chatting to another mum at school pickup, then helping each other out when either was delayed, until I got a phone call saying my son hadn't been picked up, so had to dash from work, to school to get him. Her son had been collected by his grandmother, as my husband and the other mum were off on a jolly in the lake district, but my husband hadn't bothered making any arrangements for our 7 year old son. This didn't become apparent at the time, it went on for another 3 years. I would never have believed it of him or her. It doesn't do to be too trusting, but then if they are going to cheat they will anyway.

Edited

I’m not sure how this helps the op? For every story of cheating their is a hundred of nothing in it.

queenMab99 · 02/04/2026 11:00

If it was so convenient to transport the children in one car, why was the arrangement not made before the neighbour's husband left, they could have shared the school run, if it was that kind of neighbourly relationship.

queenMab99 · 02/04/2026 11:11

The OP feels jealous and suspicious, she doesn't normally feel like that, it may be hormones, but it may not be. Life has taught me to take notice of gut feelings, however in cases of trusting those closest to you, the only benefit is that the awful truth doesn't come as much of a shock, as you usually have to wait for these things to play themselves out, before you can act.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 02/04/2026 11:15

Why can’t the useless neighbour get her own kids to school? What was happening before she became single?

The jealousy is irrational but she’s a CF if she thinks she should get lifts indefinitely

Itsanewlife · 02/04/2026 11:35

I'm sorry for your loss, OP, and glad that you are getting help. Your behavior sounds controlling and irrational, as you have acknowledged, and neither of those foster a happy relationship.

I am always surprised at the number of mumsnetters who think it is reasonable to control who their partners can/cannot speak to or should/shouldn't do favors for. I wouldn't accept that level of control from my partner so why should I exercise such control over him? If this takes away from time or things we do together, yes, sure it is reasonable to have a conversation about it, but if not (and it is just a lift to a place he is going to anyway), why would I have a say in that? I trust him, as he trusts me, and we value what we have together. Ultimately, people have to be comfortable being who they are in relationships.

MyJollyPinkDuck · 02/04/2026 11:58

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

TheNorns · 02/04/2026 12:10

Farewelltothatid · 02/04/2026 10:37

Why do posters such as yourself always jump into hyperbole to mock and deride those who have a different view point?

I take it you are one of the "Cool wives" who refuses to acknowledge that friendships can develop into emotional attachments? This situation has all the potential for that happening.

I would assume OP.is calling it irrational jealousy because she hopes that's what it is and that she feels that is the best way to describe the feeling of unease she iis experiencing.

Edited
Show quote history

You cannot stop anyone being attracted to someone else. If you can only remain married by restricting your spouse’s contact with women, or issuing edicts about him chatting with women you perceive as a threat, then what is the point of it all? It’s like keeping a pet caged and boasting that it really loves you and would never choose to run off. If you let it out…

Marchspringss · 02/04/2026 12:13

Im sorry but a big huge nope. I wouldn't like if dp would give lifts like this daily. I would think something is definitely going on!

Farewelltothatid · 02/04/2026 12:27

Wildgoat · 02/04/2026 10:41

Ok, I’m not sure this is the thread where you should be attacking other posters for supporting the op. And honestly the phrase cool wife is jist desperate now, it’s so over used, it is embarrassing for anyone using it.

i think maybe you’ve let your own issues over come you. This is about the op and helping her. Declaring she’s wrong and her husband is looking to cheat on her and attacking anyone who disagrees, is really not helpful,

Show quote history

Absolutely no where have I said her H is trying to cheat on her

I am sure he started giving this woman lifts to be helpful.

However I am saying for him to continue to give her lifts when it is not necessary to do so and for him to continue a friendship with this women where he is meeting her virtually daily on a one to one basis and she is coming to OP's door asking for him is not a normavisitation ime.
If OP wants to lay the blame at her own door and call it irrational jealousy she of course can do that. But why she should feel she is in the wrong for having perfectly normal feelings of being uncomfortable with this situation i think is sad. And I think it's sad that some posters are encouraging her see herself as the one who needs to change her behaviour when quite frankly it is this neighbour, who appears to have her own agenda of, at the very least, taking advantage of OP's DP.

Wildgoat · 02/04/2026 12:45

Farewelltothatid · 02/04/2026 12:27

Absolutely no where have I said her H is trying to cheat on her

I am sure he started giving this woman lifts to be helpful.

However I am saying for him to continue to give her lifts when it is not necessary to do so and for him to continue a friendship with this women where he is meeting her virtually daily on a one to one basis and she is coming to OP's door asking for him is not a normavisitation ime.
If OP wants to lay the blame at her own door and call it irrational jealousy she of course can do that. But why she should feel she is in the wrong for having perfectly normal feelings of being uncomfortable with this situation i think is sad. And I think it's sad that some posters are encouraging her see herself as the one who needs to change her behaviour when quite frankly it is this neighbour, who appears to have her own agenda of, at the very least, taking advantage of OP's DP.

Show quote history

It’s not really one to one though is it, with a car full of kids and a journey so short, it can’t take more than 5 mins, as it’s a 25 min walk.

cosietea · 02/04/2026 13:00

Why is he giving a lift to the woman too, if it’s just the school run surely it’s only the kids that need to lift?

nevernotmaybe · 02/04/2026 13:23

Farewelltothatid · 02/04/2026 12:27

Absolutely no where have I said her H is trying to cheat on her

I am sure he started giving this woman lifts to be helpful.

However I am saying for him to continue to give her lifts when it is not necessary to do so and for him to continue a friendship with this women where he is meeting her virtually daily on a one to one basis and she is coming to OP's door asking for him is not a normavisitation ime.
If OP wants to lay the blame at her own door and call it irrational jealousy she of course can do that. But why she should feel she is in the wrong for having perfectly normal feelings of being uncomfortable with this situation i think is sad. And I think it's sad that some posters are encouraging her see herself as the one who needs to change her behaviour when quite frankly it is this neighbour, who appears to have her own agenda of, at the very least, taking advantage of OP's DP.

Show quote history

If she was friends with a female neighbour and they came around every single day and had contact, that would be wrong as well yes?

Fends · 02/04/2026 13:28

Presumably none of them are working since the OP isn’t answering about how it impacts on anyone’s working day.

OP I think you’re being ridiculous but as neighbours you could be sharing the load. She could walk them a couple of days and he can drive them the rest. No need for both adults to go

Farewelltothatid · 02/04/2026 13:33

nevernotmaybe · 02/04/2026 13:23

If she was friends with a female neighbour and they came around every single day and had contact, that would be wrong as well yes?

Show quote history

I dont quite understand what you mean.

I woukd have problems with any neighbour coming round every day.

And I woukd certainly have problems with a neighbour cadging lifts almost every day

I don't know what kind of neighbourhood ypu live in.but i've never lived anywhere other than places where neighbours were civil on a polite basis and woukd do occasional favours like taking in.parcelx or watering plants when someone was on holiday. I've never lived anywhere where people livid in each other's pockets or where they were cheeky enough to demand lifts.

nevernotmaybe · 02/04/2026 13:39

Farewelltothatid · 02/04/2026 13:33

I dont quite understand what you mean.

I woukd have problems with any neighbour coming round every day.

And I woukd certainly have problems with a neighbour cadging lifts almost every day

I don't know what kind of neighbourhood ypu live in.but i've never lived anywhere other than places where neighbours were civil on a polite basis and woukd do occasional favours like taking in.parcelx or watering plants when someone was on holiday. I've never lived anywhere where people livid in each other's pockets or where they were cheeky enough to demand lifts.

Show quote history

Don't defect. You stated clearly that for him to keep a friendship with her is a problem. So answer the question, is the OP not allowed to form and keep a friendship with a female neighbour yes or no.

Not would you ever make one to start with, that is irrelevant.

Fable2024 · 02/04/2026 13:44

Look Op… it’s a 25 minute walk.

Go around me suggest that you scoop the kids up and take them in the morning and she do the afternoon.

Sorted

CocoaTea · 02/04/2026 14:01

BedlamEveryday · 02/04/2026 10:09

Unless he’s neglecting your relationship, I can’t see what’s wrong with the school trips. You’re neighbours and your kids go to the same school. It makes sense to travel together.

Find ways for her to help you guys out as otherwise she’s being a CF.

But your jealousy issues are your issue and sounds unreasonable as there’s nothing to suggest anything improper is going on.

It makes sense to travel together? For who? Who is paying for the fuel?

Original poster
IrrationalLobster · 02/04/2026 14:48

Fends · 02/04/2026 13:28

Presumably none of them are working since the OP isn’t answering about how it impacts on anyone’s working day.

OP I think you’re being ridiculous but as neighbours you could be sharing the load. She could walk them a couple of days and he can drive them the rest. No need for both adults to go

I work from home, DP drops dc to school then drives on to work , neighbour doesn’t work .

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 02/04/2026 14:48

You're picking up on the fact that your newly single neighbour has become overly reliant on your husband during a period when you need a lot of emotional support from him. There's only so much of him to go around and you want his focus on you, not giving a neighbour who's starting to become intrusive rides to her everyday activities she should be sorting out herself.

Yeah, when she's coming to your door asking for rides, that's it. The school rides have turned into her expecting even more time and effort and rides from your husband. She's become entitled and intrusive and it's time to shut that down completely by setting very strong boundaries. He's your husband, not hers, and she needs to manage her own transportation.

I'm sorry about your miscarriage.

Fable2024 · 02/04/2026 14:49

IrrationalLobster · 02/04/2026 14:48

I work from home, DP drops dc to school then drives on to work , neighbour doesn’t work .

Show quote history

So my Suggestion of you walking the
kids to school and her walking to collect the kids (or vice versa) is not something you’d ever consider?

TheNorns · 02/04/2026 14:50

outerspacepotato · 02/04/2026 14:48

You're picking up on the fact that your newly single neighbour has become overly reliant on your husband during a period when you need a lot of emotional support from him. There's only so much of him to go around and you want his focus on you, not giving a neighbour who's starting to become intrusive rides to her everyday activities she should be sorting out herself.

Yeah, when she's coming to your door asking for rides, that's it. The school rides have turned into her expecting even more time and effort and rides from your husband. She's become entitled and intrusive and it's time to shut that down completely by setting very strong boundaries. He's your husband, not hers, and she needs to manage her own transportation.

I'm sorry about your miscarriage.

But the OP has not suggested anywhere that her husband is less available to her for emotional support than she would like. This is pure speculation.

OneShyQuail · 02/04/2026 14:52

IrrationalLobster · 02/04/2026 14:48

I work from home, DP drops dc to school then drives on to work , neighbour doesn’t work .

Show quote history

So why is neighbour in the car?!
Surely he just takes all the kids, drops them then goes on to work?

If shes in the car where is she going after school run?

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 02/04/2026 14:53

Fable2024 · 02/04/2026 14:49

So my Suggestion of you walking the
kids to school and her walking to collect the kids (or vice versa) is not something you’d ever consider?

Show quote history

Why does everyone on MN always suggest sharing childcare and school runs with neighbours? OP doesn’t need this. Only the CF neighbour appears to need help getting her own children to school. Why does OP or her DH have to help with this? And she doesn’t work! Feckless.

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