Just been dumped by FWB 30 seconds after sex!

[Sleepingbaggage]

I honestly don't know whether to laugh at the sheer cheek of this, or cry, or neither because I possibly always had it coming.

I have been seeing a man casually for a year. We are both divorced and we were friendly acquaintances before. We began texting after our DCs were in the same show. The texts got flirtier and eventually sexual. We met for sex, it was great, and we have continued to meet every few weeks for a year.

This morning was one such meeting. It was great as usual but then immediately afterwards, like 30 seconds afterwards, he said that it would probably be the last time as he thinks it's run its course. That was the phrase he used.

I didn't know we were on a course! If we were, I certainly would have expected him to have ended it before shagging me not immediately afterwards. The CFery of that bit.

I didn't really know what to say. He has gone now and I feel a bit shellshocked. I will see him later at pick up and I don't quite know what to say! Oh dear.

Nor do I.
I do appreciate that some women can have repeated sex with a man in a fwb arrangement and not get attached.
I also appreciate that the men involved may get attached and the women don't.
It happens.

But that doesn't change my view that usually women get attached much, much more frequently than men do in such arrangements.

It's like it's completely possible to drive down a motorway at 180 mph and not harm anyone but it's not advisable to do so.

You've got to be quite a robust woman psychologically to do fwb.
The sort of woman who says 'yeah OK, fine, you could have picked a better time to end it but all the best. See you around.' and move on. A bit Nessa in Gavin and Stacey.

Men just have to be in their default mode.
That's the difference.

Oh my goodness. I am critiquing how these arrangements treat people, as bodies. OP was quite clear that her and the man she had sex with used each other. I'm not applauding it. I'm pointing out the damage it does to how we view each other.

I've just reread my post and all of that was very clear. Comprehension levels on this site are just appalling sometimes.

I'm sorry you weren't treated nicely by your fuck buddies but I've always been treated very kindly by them and not "like a body" so please don't generalise.

but again he didn’t dump you as you were not in a relationship. You need to try to accept this. You were a sexual partner only. He decided he didn’t wish to have sex with you again, this is not dumping. Dumping is when a relationship ends.

I think many of us would prefer you’d used a different word. Like respectfully, or equally, but kindly is like the way you treat a vulnerable person and doesn’t come off like you think it does.

This is about the OP and how she was treated. It's really not about how anyone else was treated by their FWB

i will make it clear that I’m 100% not judging per se, i did the same at 18-19 with an FWB and luckily was fine. Would not do it again, though.

The idea that a casual shag will be exclusive is really naive. If he wanted to be exclusive, you’d be his girlfriend. He will not turn down other women for sex for a random acquaintance he’s having sex with. Also be mindful that it’s possible to have latent and symptomless STDs. He could unknowingly pass you something. It’s an inherent downside of causal sex that you need to use condoms.

That's your own very limited definition.

Have a google, you'll discover a host of articles about being dumped or dumping friends.

You've never had a FB in your whole life and your ignorance about said dynamics show up in all your posts so please don't tell me "how it feels" when you have no clue, no experience thus not a leg to stand on.

And stop talking about 'sex with bodies', it's extremely creepy and very "Ted Bundy'sh".

It surprises me how some women will do everything to try to make this seem like a relationship. It wasn’t, it was sex. With no ties. No dumping can take place. It was nothing more. He did not say he didn’t wish to be her friend, although I doubt they ever were. He said he didn’t want to have sex with her again. No strings sex means no dumping. It’s just sex with a warm body.

You can't just decide how a word is used and claim it doesn't mean anything else. You're not Humpty Dumpty.

You can dump friends, acquaintances and family members, sexual partners as well as romantic partners.

I do know all of these things. I just made the judgement call to prioritise one thing over another thing, conscious of the risks and rewards involved. Time will tell if I made the right call. But I am not unduly worried.

The day Fuck buddie became an acceptable expression is the day the world became a sadder place.

Yeah this guy is not your friend. The statement somebody made that you wouldn’t go out with a friend then say you never wanted to again immediately after is valid.

He shouldn’t have done that.

FWB and fuck buddy are new terms, but those kind of relationship always existed.

I think what has changed is the need to classify them. We were just seeing people; some seriously, some just for fun.

However, I do think that, when I was young, more people were serially monogamous than now. Before the internet, it was just harder to meet people and communicate with them.

The assumption was that, if you were having sex with someone, you weren’t having sex with anyone else. No one had ‘the conversation’. (Obviously that assumption wasn’t always correct!).

I’d just get the std test for piece of mind, draw a line under it and move on.

I don’t think that’s right, this is go to their house, have sex leave. Yes it always existed, sometimes with a price, but it is not seeing each other etc, not even just for fun.

I think there are two camps here, one that can have sex like it’s sport and one where there is emotional connection. I can and have done both but currently in a long term relationship. Even with fwb there is some etiquette and I think some of you are misinterpreting the op’s shock at how and when it was done. It was calculating and in my opinion meant to be degrading for the op. You can be nice to a person that you are friends with benefits with , that’s where the friends part comes in but this guy didn’t get the memo.

There is nothing to suggest they are friends though or ever have been. Acquaintances is likely the better definition.

I don’t think it was done to degrade her, although the words are demeaning,I agree, I think quite simply he didn’t want to do it again, didn’t enjoy it as much as she thought ( as if he did let’s face it he’d have been kinder and kept her on the back burner) and just blurted it out. He’s clearly been thinking he wanted to stop for some time, and this last time, confirmed it for him. Run its course usually means not feeling it any more.

it may be he just doesn’t fancy her, so has given himself the ick, or it could be he sensed she was starting to become emotionally involved, which I think she was. So suspect it was the latter.

men will do this, they will have sex with a woman offering it. And they will find it quite exciting, someone just randomly offering them a shag when they fancy, and if they are the sort, saves paying for it.

very often the men’s motivation is very different to the woman’s. Very few women think I will shag him for no other reason other than as he’s offering. But a lot of men will do this.

I find it shocking how many women are of the view that OP is unreasonable to have any expectation of respect.

It is appalling to think of what their sons may have heard them uttering and of the value system the are seeking to inculcate in them. Imagine seeing fit to compare women to used tissues.

It is a pity he had no manners OP, but you aren’t wrong to recognize it, and not being in a relationship doesn’t excuse his ill breeding.